[flockpride]

Okay, folks. Here's an odd question. What is your experience of time? I have always been able to plan or meet demands and external expectations, but...I don't feel like I am experiencing time at all. It's like now all the time. Except for when there are flashbacks. I know the physical body is aging. I look at people the same "age" and think "they're so old. I'm not that old."

The other issue is that with the amnesia, there's this lack of linear personal narrative that also screws with an idea of being here over time.

Ideas?

I have almost no conception of time other than time flies. It can be Monday then Wendsday or Friday. I seldom know what the actual day of the week it is. Sometimes I swear it's Friday to find out it's Monday, or visa versa. It used to upset me, but now knowing why this is happening, for a lack of a better way to say it, just flat out sucks.

We try to use the calendar app on ths iPad, but nobody cares to check it. Needless to say, we often miss appointments and due dates.

I'm definetly not the bodies age, so we're in fear of it breaking down, but I have never actually thought about it, am I getting older? I know the twins are still the same age of 24.

Maybe it's chalked up to timeout and experiences. If I present often, gain experiences daily, surely the aging process is taking place?

When the teens take over, they have so much energy that the body can't handle it. We need to get the exercise guru out to start walking the body.

As far as timeless alters, I understand that there are alters that don't age, frozen in time. I don't know if they can present as a whole personality though, but maybe you are one of them? I don't know.

Thanks for the topic and sorry I couldn't be much more help. I'm looking forward to some of the other replies, too.

Addition- I'm sitting here right now and can't figure out what day it is. It's Friday or Saturday. I know it's been a whole week. I had to cheat, it's Saturday! Lol

i agree with the day of the week thing.

that's hard for me too- and of5ten when i'm told it's earlier or later than i think, it's quite a big shock to the system

we often witness time in slow motion. it could be 1 minit in the real world, but it's like an hour to us

[finding_my_way]

i have never done well with time. it is very confusing for me. i think something happened a year ago when it was really two or more years ago. i cannot keep track of the day or month and sometimes not even the year. i have to look at something to tell me or else i do not know. or i think it's one day when it's another day.....or i lose a day or two or am behind a day or two..

my sense of time in terms of age too is off.

[sepia officinalis]

Dear flockpride,

I understand how you feel. Rather than give you advice or try to tell you what's going on inside your head (which I'm not able to do), I'd like to share some personal experiences:

I see myself as a person of different ages, sometimes younger, sometimes older. Somedays I feel like I'm 40, somedays I feel like I'm 14. Sometimes it changes by the hour.

For whatever reason, I never feel like I am me--the person I see in the mirror. I think that's what causes the issues with time, for me. It's what keeps me from having or identifying with that personal narrative (that you mentioned) that seems to be so important to a person's core identity. (Not the same as your amnesia, but still the lack of core identity.)

Where you came from and what you've done is such a big part of who you are, and I'm unable to identify with that. My past seems so awful that I push it away. I think that's how my disorder manifests itself. I can't dig into the past and remember things because they're so painful.

I've forgotten things as a way of defending myself from those experiences. This keeps me from having that core identity and feeling like I am that person I see in the mirror.

[Claritytoo]

I don't really believe in time as it is defined as the passing of. If the present is all we ever truly have. The past is a memory and the future an anticipation, I don't understand time as humans define it. Now that I know I am DID it has caused me to reassess my notion of time, but still all I will every have in reality is this moment. All the rest happened or might happen. So the concept of time has no value to me. It is a means of compartmentalizing our lives, but it is man made. Not real. It is a function that humans accept as reality because it sets parameters for existence. Imagine if we only understood our reality as in the present, in the moment. free from times parameters. Life feels different in such a moment.

[finding_my_way]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I don't really believe in time as it is defined as the passing of. If the present is all we ever truly have. The past is a memory and the future an anticipation, I don't understand time as humans define it. Now that I know I am DID it has caused me to reassess my notion of time, but still all I will every have in reality is this moment. All the rest happened or might happen. So the concept of time has no value to me. It is a means of compartmentalizing our lives, but it is man made. Not real. It is a function that humans accept as reality because it sets parameters for existence. Imagine if we only understood our reality as in the present, in the moment. free from times parameters. Life feels different in such a moment.

i agree with you. it hasn't served me any real purpose except when it mattered for school, appointments, etc. but even then to me, it has never made sense. all i have are memories and experiences, so i don't really know why time matters. it just is what it is.

[flockpride]

Claritytoo, finding my way,
Interesting points about time being a human construct. Yes, all we have is this moment. But to be with others, we frequently need to be able to reference the "past" or "future." I mean, history defines a nation or people or tribe, etc. And personal histories define who we think we are. But as time is an illusion, so too might be identity. Memory is interpretive.

My own experience is that I can tell time, read clocks, but I don't feel time. It is a helpful reference to keep commitments with others. I have always known my experience of time was unlike most people. Just didn't know why until the DID diagnosis. I finally get it.

But now, I also feel how hard it can be to connect with others around this concept or experience. It's like there was a stone in my shoe and I got used to it. Now I know its there, but I will never get it out of my shoe. I feel it even more.

Time really bothers me. I don't get it. I wish I understood the physics behind it all. I like the theory of infinite universes - that it can be all times, all the time. That was the conclusion I came to before I had any inkling I was DID anyway. Now I just feel insane and embarrassed.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by flockpride

Claritytoo, finding my way,
Interesting points about time being a human construct. Yes, all we have is this moment. But to be with others, we frequently need to be able to reference the "past" or "future." I mean, history defines a nation or people or tribe, etc. And personal histories define who we think we are. But as time is an illusion, so too might be identity. Memory is interpretive.

My own experience is that I can tell time, read clocks, but I don't feel time. It is a helpful reference to keep commitments with others. I have always known my experience of time was unlike most people. Just didn't know why until the DID diagnosis. I finally get it.

But now, I also feel how hard it can be to connect with others around this concept or experience. It's like there was a stone in my shoe and I got used to it. Now I know its there, but I will never get it out of my shoe. I feel it even more.

I also use time references to function in my life. It is what others understand and it is a part of our lexicon. But I don't believe in how it defines our movement in our life.

[flockpride]

Originally Posted by Justagir1

Time really bothers me. I don't get it. I wish I understood the physics behind it all. I like the theory of infinite universes - that it can be all times, all the time. That was the conclusion I came to before I had any inkling I was DID anyway. Now I just feel insane and embarrassed.

I have also grappled with theories of time/space, multiple universes, quantum reality probably for the same reason: trying to make sense of our experience!

[flockpride]

I raised this question because so much conversation centers on alters/parts and how that all shakes out, establishing inner communication, conducting an everyday life, having a partner. For me a common element in many of these challenges has been time.
A huge impact of time issues is on vocational realization. If you're always in this moment, practically, it's almost impossible to plan for the future, hence you're going to have trouble setting and reaching longterm goals. This has caused much grief and sadness. And if you combine this with different parts having contrary preferences, well, that's going to be super hard.

Originally Posted by flockpride

I raised this question because so much conversation centers on alters/parts and how that all shakes out, establishing inner communication, conducting an everyday life, having a partner. For me a common element in many of these challenges has been time.
A huge impact of time issues is on vocational realization. If you're always in this moment, practically, it's almost impossible to plan for the future, hence you're going to have trouble setting and reaching longterm goals. This has caused much grief and sadness. And if you combine this with different parts having contrary preferences, well, that's going to be super hard.

Yes on the future planning it is difficult, but we do have small goals minus an ultimate one that we zig-zag to today, like getting kid to be a grown up, grow the business, enjoy the fruits of our labor. Everyone of us has dreams, and I think we work well together to make them happen.

Of course, prior to co-operation, we had no choice but to live in the moment with the wide variety of opposing opinions and loss of control to successfully head in any one direction. I thus was a drifter. Other DID'ers can have a leader alter that guides the system in a certain direction, towards a system oriented goal or cause. That's so not us. We're pulled every which way and up.

I don't think time has anything to do with my difficulties because time is linear, just a constant measure from point A to point B, regardless of our perception- we just helplessly watch it fly by. I look at it as a measure of system wide success.

I don't look at it as time, but missing memories which puts a screw in it all for me. Learning has always been difficult, especially when more then one part attends the same class. If there wasn't memory issues, I'd be a genius, armed with multiple minds looking at things from every angle. Actually, I'm a good troubleshooter, only because of collaboration, but I also recognize the differences in voices where I used to think it was just mine. Only reason we made it through school as an honor student is because we had to, guided by the governmental forces of man. But once I graduated high school, I was lost. Left to make our own minds up, we floundered because of our overwhelming complexity.

There are plenty of DID'ers that are successfully working in government and high level positions. Quite a few DID'ers don't know that they have this condition are very successful at what they do as a collective. My pdoc says smart people don't know they have this condition- which tells me that they are co-con, have a dominant alter, awares of each other's thinking, and it all registers as a single mind through ignorant bliss.

Everyone is going to have some level of success. I'm self employed with a home remodel, repair business, but this was the way this ball bounced.

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Yes on the future planning it is difficult, but we do have small goals minus an ultimate one that we zig-zag to today, like getting kid to be a grown up, grow the business, enjoy the fruits of our labor. Everyone of us has dreams, and I think we work well together to make them happen.

Of course, prior to co-operation, we had no choice but to live in the moment with the wide variety of opposing opinions and loss of control to successfully head in any one direction. I thus was a drifter. Other DID'ers can have a leader alter that guides the system in a certain direction, towards a system oriented goal or cause. That's so not us. We're pulled every which way and up.

I don't think time has anything to do with my difficulties because time is linear, just a constant measure from point A to point B, regardless of our perception- we just helplessly watch it fly by. I look at it as a measure of system wide success.

I don't look at it as time, but missing memories which puts a screw in it all for me. Learning has always been difficult, especially when more then one part attends the same class. If there wasn't memory issues, I'd be a genius, armed with multiple minds looking at things from every angle. Actually, I'm a good troubleshooter, only because of collaboration, but I also recognize the differences in voices where I used to think it was just mine. Only reason we made it through school as an honor student is because we had to, guided by the governmental forces of man. But once I graduated high school, I was lost. Left to make our own minds up, we floundered because of our overwhelming complexity.

There are plenty of DID'ers that are successfully working in government and high level positions. Quite a few DID'ers don't know that they have this condition are very successful at what they do as a collective. My pdoc says smart people don't know they have this condition- which tells me that they are co-con, have a dominant alter, awares of each other's thinking, and it all registers as a single mind through ignorant bliss.

Everyone is going to have some level of success. I'm self employed with a home remodel, repair business, but this was the way this ball bounced.

....

DID'ers?

i've actually never heard us being described like that...

but okay..

[flockpride]

AlwaysChanging2,
I didn't know I had the condition until therapy uncovered it. Does that mean I'm smart?
I think I was one of those who moved among alters as external demands changed. As those shifted we switched. The priority always has been meeting external circumstances no matter what our feelings or needs or preferences. Things have actually gotten harder since finding out because now we notice switches or little intrusions or feelings that don't match the situation. The first time the main fronter/everyday part noticed a switch it was profoundly destabilizing and frightening.

Noticing the switches made the time glitches much more obvious, and then upsetting. Blissful ignorance is gone. It was never blissful, though.

Originally Posted by flockpride

AlwaysChanging2,
I didn't know I had the condition until therapy uncovered it. Does that mean I'm smart?
I think I was one of those who moved among alters as external demands changed. As those shifted we switched. The priority always has been meeting external circumstances no matter what our feelings or needs or preferences. Things have actually gotten harder since finding out because now we notice switches or little intrusions or feelings that don't match the situation. The first time the main fronter/everyday part noticed a switch it was profoundly destabilizing and frightening.

Noticing the switches made the time glitches much more obvious, and then upsetting. Blissful ignorance is gone. It was never blissful, though.

Hey, I'm like you, switching as required for situations and life events. It's not only noticeable, it also has gotten to be anticipated....even expected.

I'm just like you hun, always changing to handle the moment. Years of trauma and oppressive abuse made us who we are today. Memory riddled with holes. Instead of handling life situations like normals can, an alter had to emerge to do the job.

I found relief though, I found that which explains me. Now my search is over and I completely know and understand why I am. Now the healing (if any) can begin.

I hope that you find your peace with it and that you recover well.

[dissociative]

Well, I don't know where half of my life went, really. I was also late to work almost every day, when I still had regular jobs (I'm self-employed now, so that's less of an issue). I was once asked by my manager what exactly had I been doing in the morning. I couldn't answer. I can spend half of my day on I'm not sure what, day-dreaming probably. It's very difficult sometimes to tell what I spent my day on. I feel like I have been cheated.

[flockpride]

Originally Posted by dissociative

Well, I don't know where half of my life went, really. I was also late to work almost every day, when I still had regular jobs (I'm self-employed now, so that's less of an issue). I was once asked by my manager what exactly had I been doing in the morning. I couldn't answer. I can spend half of my day on I'm not sure what, day-dreaming probably. It's very difficult sometimes to tell what I spent my day on. I feel like I have been cheated.

Ditto on not knowing what happened during a given day.

[dissociative]

Originally Posted by flockpride

I have also grappled with theories of time/space, multiple universes, quantum reality probably for the same reason: trying to make sense of our experience!

Same here, and I thought it was pure brain exercise. Turns out it was more.

Originally Posted by dissociative

I was once asked by my manager what exactly had I been doing in the morning. I couldn't answer. I can spend half of my day on I'm not sure what, day-dreaming probably. It's very difficult sometimes to tell what I spent my day on. I feel like I have been cheated.

Oh my goodness, same here! For the first time in a long time I recently had to work very closely with another person - I was training her up. Every single bloody day, I would ask her to do something, and she would go in to the shared file and find that I'd already done it. I have no recollection of doing any of that work. Some days, I will go home not being able to say what I have done during the day. Its *so* frustrating.

[finding_my_way]

speaking of working, my first job was customer service...something i told them to never put me in. i don't know if it was a combo of the anxiety from it or other things, but i had no idea how i got through it. i never made a mistake despite having zero idea of what i was doing as they threw me into the job on my own after just a few days. i had to balance doing multiple different things at once. i guess i was on auto pilot. it was only for one month thankfully. i didn't really have a job after that and had a failed attempt at a college course.

i now am self employed and on disability. it has worked amazing for me and has allowed me to manage anxiety and stay relatively more stabilize as well as allowed me to have my own schedule as needed. i do not keep track of time well, but my body wakes me up around the same time each morning (i would hate to have to wake up to an alarm since it would probably scare me).

but time has always been strange to me and not really existed...except it obviously does. i have always had a difficult time with the thought of getting older, things changing around me, all the things that go with life. parts of me become absolutely terrified about certain things that happen in life. i have tried to work on it, but since i don't know where it comes from at times and it hits me out of nowhere, it's difficult to find a way to.