[CalmingOcean]

I feel like the more I discovery about 'different parts of myself' and the more I talk out loud to my team (yes team it's very sad how low I've sunk) the more I try and talk about it, the crazier I feel.

Any one else get like this. How do you so openly talk about it. Things I've mentioned have been that I have more kid parts, a small adult (age of the body) part, and a co-conscience that is 16 and she is the one that makes a lot of the stupid decisions because she is stuck on self destruct and getting away with a lot of ****. But we're not getting away with it anymore. **** I got myself arrested twice and still she won't stop! **** it's so frustrated I'm so frustrated with myself. My system.

[finding_my_way]

when i can feel them more and/or am dissociating more (it's not a daily thing for me anymore), i definitely feel crazy.

i have also found sometimes when i talk about it more, it happens more...but i think that is because there are not many people i can talk to about it because i still doubt it myself and most people do not believe it. so, of course things would be quieter for me if there aren't people who can be trusted with this information.

i have been trying to figure out how things work for me, but there is zero pattern to it except in the past where they were a lot more active. now it's like all the ones i knew went into hiding for years, and the ones i have felt/heard over the last few years are not any i knew even though some might have similar characteristics as some i did know.

the other issue i have run into is where i used to be able to hear them and talk to them, when i feel one now closer to the surface, i do not hear them at all...it's like they cannot talk or are not able to, i am not sure which.....and i get stuck feeling what they feel and it is so confusing for me because i know it is not 'me/my feeling.'

i have a lot more blending than actual co-conscious with the few i have been aware of over the last few years...except one who never comes to the surface and is just an older female voice i have only heard a few times and a few others who i have no idea what their purpose is....except to harm me..which thankfully is a lot less than it was years ago...but there seem to be a lot with similar 'themes' so to speak yet are not the same.

but to answer your question..yes...it makes me feel crazy....i also question myself a lot because i have no 100% take over of them...i just get stuck between being me and being them (or being in between reality and nowhere) but have no idea who i am when any of it happens...but i am still able to move, type/talk, etc. and just overall end up feeling very...strange....it disrupts my daily functioning when it does happen and then the days after when it lessens, it's like a partial, sometimes full gap in my memory....all i know is i wish things were more coherent with more communication IF i do have parts...and i dunno..some kind of working together would be great at some point...or at least a warning when one of them is closer..

[LostOne369]

I know what you mean. I just started talking and I do feel crazier.

I don't go 'more' crazy...I am already there! At least that's what she said.

It doesn't bother most of us anymore because we've accepted that we are multiple. There are a few of us that still deny it, but that can't be helped. We've known for about 32 years, so nothing really is too surprising anymore. We still have new others that make themselves known as we go still.

We definetly were tripping at the beginning of the year, but my meds being out of whack didn't help much. We were coming out of denial and testing the waters, but we knew.

The thing about it, it explains why we did what we did when we did ...life now makes sense....so there was more a sense of relief for us. And there are a bunch of us that really don't care....they're a little rougher around the edges.

"Know thyself"....it's more work then the normal person has to do!

Once we all started working together in co-operation for the greater good of the system, things got better, better then when it was every one for themselves.

We've done a lot of stupid things and jail time till we had a system wide shock of prison time...that learned us. So today, we discuss, vote, consult, support, and work with each other more. We are a family, but like all families, we still have sibling rivalries, quarrels, not fairs...

We still get a renegade or radical that presents, but not as often now that most of us is working together. It's not like clock work, but it works.

Keep in mind that we are the victims here...we are the ones suffering. Beating ourselves up over this is just more self abuse that we can do without.

The abuse maybe over, so it's time to put ourselves back together, or get everyone working together....I found that it's less stressful living that way.

I hope you find your peace with all this. The horror and shock do wear off after acceptance is achieved. I've come to think of this as my normal because it's always been this way for us. I have no clue as to how a normal singleton operates or feels, so how can I miss something that I've never had?

Hang in there...treat yourself and your others well, we all deserve it. We've been put through too much.

Definitely - The more I get to understand, the more mad i feel.

[IB splitting]

I do not think any of us are crazy, mental defect yes. You must remember that dissociating, splitting, creation of Alters was merely a survival technique.
This is why we,you,it,them are still here. You are correct it will be worse before it gets better. I'm still in the worse stage. I have an infant Alter that makes sounds that are like exhaling through your mouth and vibrating, trust me it's pretty embarrassing when this happens at work...

[Shaly78]

How do you talk about what? It's hard to talk about DID/ ptsd. Not that bad talking about abuse..Well do the crime get caught u just like anyone else.

[LostOne369]

We are masters of survival. But we want more than survival. Existence.

I just think it sux.

The more parts I find, the crazier I feel. It's bittersweet finding another part. Each time I met a new part, I didn't just feel crazier. I felt like I'm losing a part of my identity.

It is so disconcerting finding more parts...but I crossed the poly fragmented line which means new parts showing up is so like ya okay.

But...finding a new part is finding a new part of yourself...welcome home!