KMN

I tried socialising today. It did not go to plan. I should not be allowed out in public. Im *so* mortified. Why is it impossible for me to leave the house and not publicly humiliate myself? Urgh. Tomorrow is going to be filled with apologies. Days like today *really* make me hate myself.

Hi there. Sorry you have social anxiety but what may be more important is to recognize the need to build your self esteem. Our judgments of ourselves are usually way overstated. this article helped me.

Building Self-Esteem | Psych Central

My best approach to life I've learned so far is like epitomized by these 2 words... "Screw you". The rest works it's self out.

I am who I am...screw you. I am who I am because I am. You got no right and no idea. Screw you. (Ef em). Just more verbal than voice. Own it....I'm the craziest person you'll ever meet... We all agree...it works.

It's so empowering and places my position in life.

It's an attitude more than presenting.

I count.

Thanks guys I've slept on it now ---- and don't feel any better. URGH, I am just soooooo embarrassed. I wish I could be relied on to behave like a normal person when Im socialising. But no. My friends think yesterday was hilarious - they don't realise that most of me would never ever behave like that. THATS NOT ME. I mean, it was me - twenty years ago. But not now. Im not like that any more, and the impact this could have on my ability to socialise in the future ---its so damaging. I really should not be allowed out in public. I don't want to be that person. I want to be a nice girl!

Put it behind you Hun. It's like it's over and done. Take it from someone that has really made a spectacle of ones self. I've learned to play it off like it didn't happen. If I act like I'm bothered about it, the teasing doesn't end. But if it doesn't bother you, it's soon forgot.

I don't know if this applies to you...

What happened? May I ask?

Don't beat yourself up over it please...this is just the way we are wired, sux but it's us.

I isolate a lot for that very reason. I feel responsible for what "the others" do through me.
It is so embarrassing sometimes and I don't ever know when it's going to occur. I hope you're feeling better. 💌.

Thanks AC2 and Georgia - *really* appreciate the support.

*sigh* a Friend I haven't seen since January was in my town for once, and suggested we meet for a pint. We went to the only pub I feel comfortable in - a very small, family friendly place. Whilst there a guy I haven't seen for over a year turned up. He offered me a smoke outside (weed). I do smoke a LOT of weed, and jumped at the chance as I had just run out! I was trying really hard to take it easy though - I was determined this time I would not embarrass myself (I ALWAYS embarrass myself somehow, and tend not to leave the house ever because of it).

Anyways, he warned me it was strong, but like I say, I can handle myself with that stuff. Or so I thought. I only had a teeny tiny smoke, I was trying to be sensible and wanted to go back have a sensible grown up chat with my friend. But this stuff was the strongest stuff I've ever had. within minutes of returning to a pub, I threw a total massive whitey (I hope you have that terminology in the US!). I was so ill. I couldn't move, I couldn't see, hear, or do anything. It got worse and worse and then to top it off the mother of all flashbacks came on. My friends were trying to look after me and all I could do was say 'don't touch me' - I couldn't get any other words out. Then I started to feel sick, and so they grabbed a bottle bin and I vomited my guts up - right there, in the middle of the pub, surrounded by nice families and playing children. Obviously the pub owners were pissed off and came over and kicked all three of us out the pub - but I couldn't do anything other than sit there almost foetal and puking. Eventually it stopped and one friend had to clean up my sick whilst the other friend walked me to the taxi rank so i could get home.

Im so embarrassed. Im only just starting to make an effort in going out and making friends - this pub was one of the few places I felt able to go to on my own. These friends I hadn't seen for so long, I was so hoping would go on to become 'proper' friends, people I could actually have a social life with. Now I just want to hide and never come out ever again.

Omg...it sounded laced! Like whack. I've smoked some killer weed and never xperienced that! It sounds like you were poisoned girl...

I'm sorry.

Oh well, it happens to the best of us. I've puked in some of the finer establishments around here! Lol

To me, it sounds like a lesson learned....put your friends first before your habit. I've learned that one the hard way, but I was snowblind.

Something that we've discovered is that most of us are alcoholic/addicts in here, so if I say "NO", that doesn't stop an other for saying "hell yea"...then it goes bad from there. :/