Are you embarrassed by what your others say or do? And how do you deal with it? Do you accept it or try to hide it?

Looking back, our self-negativism was greatly promoted by the embarrassing things that we did.... according to the one that see's it that way.

It's so easy to be embarrassed about what some other said, did, thought- a movement, gesture, action, response...

Usually shock and horror with great embarrassment with "I can't believe that I did/said that" ensues coupled with feelings of fear, dread, and anxiety. Pretty normal, isn't it?

Being embarrassed by our Other selves kept us beating ourselves up. I noticed that we'd call ourselves bad names, down talk ourself, only to finally realize that we are bad mouthing each other- much like how our abusers did.

As of late, I'm trying to accept every quirky thing we do as a product of our system, to be strong enough to own it (this is the really really hard part) as what we do. Sometimes somethings are just so not acceptable.

But, some of the other parts have their own feelings on the matter and are not as mature in thought as I am while Others are trying to see it the same way.

Maybe I'm the embarrassing one because others want to stay hidden and unexposed?

It's all just a part of the Inner Conflict, I suppose.

What are your thoughts?

[elevatedsoul]

im always embarrassed....

i'm embarrased when it's clearly noticeable that more than 1 part is out.

when people can see through it.. " i know what's happening, and it's okay to admit to me what's happening", or " i don't hear anything much from (insert name here), but plenty from you. it's so obvious"
and octavia kind of embarrasses me... she's just so childish for her age.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Are you embarrassed by what your others say or do? And how do you deal with it? Do you accept it or try to hide it?

Looking back, our self-negativism was greatly promoted by the embarrassing things that we did.... according to the one that see's it that way.

It's so easy to be embarrassed about what some other said, did, thought- a movement, gesture, action, response...

Usually shock and horror with great embarrassment with "I can't believe that I did/said that" ensues coupled with feelings of fear, dread, and anxiety. Pretty normal, isn't it?

Being embarrassed by our Other selves kept us beating ourselves up. I noticed that we'd call ourselves bad names, down talk ourself, only to finally realize that we are bad mouthing each other- much like how our abusers did.

As of late, I'm trying to accept every quirky thing we do as a product of our system, to be strong enough to own it (this is the really really hard part) as what we do. Sometimes somethings are just so not acceptable.

But, some of the other parts have their own feelings on the matter and are not as mature in thought as I am while Others are trying to see it the same way.

Maybe I'm the embarrassing one because others want to stay hidden and unexposed?

It's all just a part of the Inner Conflict, I suppose.

What are your thoughts?

I was never embarrassed before getting the diagnosis nor before integration. line in the sand is that everything they said and did was just the normal of how we were from before age 5.

After diagnosis i started paynig more attention to what was normal for other people and then being embarrassed that I wasnt normal but then my treatment provider told me I am how ever I was supposed to be in order to survive. getting a diagnosis doesnt change anything other than puts a name to whats already been happening for all my life. it may seem like I am doing more and more things to be embarrassed about but in reality I havent changed, it was just my perception that has changed. each alter had their own sense of agency so of course they were not going to be doing things the same way as I did. just part of how I always was.

After that what they did didnt embarrass me. I just accepted that, thats how they were and thats how they always were and how I always was.

now that Im fully integrated yes sometimes I get embarrassed when getting together with family and friends and we get to talking about days gone by and what we all did as children, how things were in school, the creative but strange\funny things we did in play, socialization\ getting through....

[yagr]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Are you embarrassed by what your others say or do?

No. That may conflict with something I said recently (re: playdough in the waiting room) so I'll explain a bit below. What I'll say now is that I am never embarrassed by the speech or behavior of someone I love.

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

And how do you deal with it? Do you accept it or try to hide it?

Typically I try to hide it, but not out of embarrassment but rather out of expediency and a sincere desire to not engage with others more than I have to. Regardless of how I describe my reality, their response is going to give way to curiosity and rude or insensitive questions that they would bristle at if they stopped to think about how inappropriate the question was - but they won't. We are not the free entertainment committee. We have a cover charge - it's not monetary, it's love and respect. If you love us and respect us, I'd be glad to answer your questions. Otherwise, our life is none of your business and I'll simply play it off as a joke.

Ultimately though, 'Team Us' comes first.

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Looking back, our self-negativism was greatly promoted by the embarrassing things that we did.... according to the one that see's it that way.

Perhaps a change of perspective is in order.

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

It's so easy to be embarrassed about what some other said, did, thought- a movement, gesture, action, response...
Usually shock and horror with great embarrassment with "I can't believe that I did/said that" ensues coupled with feelings of fear, dread, and anxiety. Pretty normal, isn't it?

Yes, normal. I don't try and fit in - that helps.

Being embarrassed by our Other selves kept us beating ourselves up. I noticed that we'd call ourselves bad names, down talk ourself, only to finally realize that we are bad mouthing each other- much like how our abusers did.

I remember this well - and all I can say is that until we changed the way we looked at each other, it was an inescapable trap. My wife and I work together on a horse ranch. If the boss came up and said something that triggered my wife - even if what the boss said was pretty benign, and my wife went off on them and told them that we quit...I'd have her back one hundred percent. Even if, as is the case, we had no other options at this point in our lives, and even if I thought she was wrong.

That is also how I am with my alter now. And guess what? She doesn't put me in those spots nearly as often any longer. She knows that I will back her one hundred percent and as a result, she checks herself before she wrecks me.

As of late, I'm trying to accept every quirky thing we do as a product of our system, to be strong enough to own it (this is the really really hard part) as what we do. Sometimes somethings are just so not acceptable.

When I accepted her just the way she is - sincerely accepted her (and she can so tell), things changed. Once upon a time, she might have blurted out, "OMG, you are so ugly!" to some guy. I would be embarrassed and berate her. Now though, she's more likely to tell me that he's so ugly and I'll respond, "You're right, but that would hurt his feelings if we told him and we don't want to do that, do we? I mean, we don't like to get our feelings hurt, right? He probably knows and feels bad about it already. What do you think about saying something nice to him and try to make him smile?"

Look, I know the guy in question is ugly - no sense pretending he isn't. So I validate her. Having validation from me, the need to say it aloud goes away or at least diminishes greatly to a manageable level. Then we refocus on something else - we can be blunt, but we can also be kind. So I might redirect the idea to something more helpful or socially acceptable. Don't get me wrong, she does the same thing for me too. When I get angry at someone, for instance, she can often talk me down in seconds.

But, some of the other parts have their own feelings on the matter and are not as mature in thought as I am while Others are trying to see it the same way.

We don't see things the same way, but we respect our differences. She is actually more mature than I am sometimes, despite her youth - and there are things I handle more maturely.

Fyi....We are born male...we work construction....and the Others make it real hard to be man tough.

You have no idea.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Fyi....We are born male...we work construction....and the Others make it real hard to be man tough.

I was Force Recon and I share this body with a six year old girl.

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

You have no idea.

Uh-huh. I think we perhaps have some idea.

Originally Posted by yagr

I was Force Recon and I share this body with a six year old girl.


Uh-huh. I think we perhaps have some idea.

Bless your heart, I feel for you...I share this body with hundreds of hundreds fems, males, and genderless Others.

Just to be single once would be wholesome...but you like I have no idea....I'm sure. I'm sorry.

actually, i do have an embarrassing moment that happened recently (at least it embarrassed me greatly)

octavia, who is our... well, we don't actually know what she is- she likes to think she has a baby anyway.

a question was asked of her- how old is your baby?

octavia: 3 months

person: so when was your baby born?. when is her birthday

answer: may the 4th

i almost died... maths at it's best. if it was 3 months old, then it was born in febuary

plus our prefered birthday is april 4th... so yeah..