[scar12346]

I am mad.
I go to my psychologist (new one that works in the psych ward) because of depression, I mention that I have some episodes where I am lost and I tell her that I think it's because of dissociation. She then continue with 2 sessions of how we reincarnated into D.'s body (the original) when she fell into clinical death. Okay fine maybe, maybe not. She then proceeds to tell me that if we wanted normal life we should leave.. Which have to be plain suicide because D. is dead. She begins to tell me that D. is still alive, even though by what Evee told me D. f..... died when she was 1. The psychologist then tells me that I am a liar because I didn't told her earlier, even though I learnt it after our first session.. I then start crying because I am so hurt from her telling me that I am a liar, which I am not, and Waidth takes control as a defence mechanism. We nearly kept him steady in place because he wanted to choke her. Carolinae then proceeds to take control because she is the calmest. She asks if we can leave that aside and work on my personal problems. We then do that for 10 minutes because that was the time left. I'm mad right now. I'm mad and upset maybe a bit triggered because I am starting to get my stress ticks. If I am jealous of one thing that is that you guys in the bigger, richer countries have amazing mental health systems and people that are trained. I hate England and Germany, nothing personal I just don't like it, but if I need to go there for my mental health so I can find someone who understands me I would move there. I would move anywhere if there is a person who can understand and help me, because in here, they tell you that you are crazy for things that are not. They imagine your problems without asking you. And I hate that.
Sorry for my rant I just needed to let it out because that will haunt me through that whole day.
On other news I am getting anti-psychotics tomorrow.. at least one thing will be fixed, hopefully.
-Thanks for reading, Scar

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by scar12346

I am mad.
I go to my psychologist (new one that works in the psych ward) because of depression, I mention that I have some episodes where I am lost and I tell her that I think it's because of dissociation. She then continue with 2 sessions of how we reincarnated into D.'s body (the original) when she fell into clinical death. Okay fine maybe, maybe not. She then proceeds to tell me that if we wanted normal life we should leave.. Which have to be plain suicide because D. is dead. She begins to tell me that D. is still alive, even though by what Evee told me D. f..... died when she was 1. The psychologist then tells me that I am a liar because I didn't told her earlier, even though I learnt it after our first session.. I then start crying because I am so hurt from her telling me that I am a liar, which I am not, and Waidth takes control as a defence mechanism. We nearly kept him steady in place because he wanted to choke her. Carolinae then proceeds to take control because she is the calmest. She asks if we can leave that aside and work on my personal problems. We then do that for 10 minutes because that was the time left. I'm mad right now. I'm mad and upset maybe a bit triggered because I am starting to get my stress ticks. If I am jealous of one thing that is that you guys in the bigger, richer countries have amazing mental health systems and people that are trained. I hate England and Germany, nothing personal I just don't like it, but if I need to go there for my mental health so I can find someone who understands me I would move there. I would move anywhere if there is a person who can understand and help me, because in here, they tell you that you are crazy for things that are not. They imagine your problems without asking you. And I hate that.
Sorry for my rant I just needed to let it out because that will haunt me through that whole day.
On other news I am getting anti-psychotics tomorrow.. at least one thing will be fixed, hopefully.
-Thanks for reading, Scar

I wonder about something... here in the USA with DID\OSDD no one dies. i wonder if because you perceive a part of your system has died (D) that this disqualifies having a dissociative disorder and what is getting you treated as psychosis in your location.

I can understand why she was discussing reincarnation if you told her D died. here in the USA when someone perceives a part of their self has died and others are taking over the body/ living inside the body of someone who has died is called reincarnation and a religious ritualistic practice which here in america disqualifies the diagnosis of DID, in other words a person here in america who says this would not get a dissociative disorder diagnosis, they would get diagnosed as psychotic or referred to a church to deal with their religious problem.

another thing that may be preventing your treatment provider (psychologist) from treating you in a way that you feel you should be is your statement of "some episodes of where I am lost" here in the USA this would point to psychosis not dissociation because with dissociative disorders reality testing remains intact and with psychosis a person loses their sense of reality (getting lost in their mind rather than switching into an alternate personality.)

my point is it might not be that america has better health care, it might just be the diagnostic criteria matching with the words you are using.

suggestion .. maybe you can find out what diagnostic manual your location uses for diagnosing mental disorders. maybe checking out that manual will help you to understand why your treatment providers think you have psychosis not a dissociative disorder.

another suggestion try the meds they want you to try. who knows it may help regardless of what your problems are labeled as.

[scar12346]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

I wonder about something... here in the USA with DID\OSDD no one dies. i wonder if because you perceive a part of your system has died (D) that this disqualifies having a dissociative disorder and what is getting you treated as psychosis in your location.

I can understand why she was discussing reincarnation if you told her D died. here in the USA when someone perceives a part of their self has died and others are taking over the body/ living inside the body of someone who has died is called reincarnation and a religious ritualistic practice which here in america disqualifies the diagnosis of DID, in other words a person here in america who says this would not get a dissociative disorder diagnosis, they would get diagnosed as psychotic or referred to a church to deal with their religious problem.

another thing that may be preventing your treatment provider (psychologist) from treating you in a way that you feel you should be is your statement of "some episodes of where I am lost" here in the USA this would point to psychosis not dissociation because with dissociative disorders reality testing remains intact and with psychosis a person loses their sense of reality (getting lost in their mind rather than switching into an alternate personality.)

my point is it might not be that america has better health care, it might just be the diagnostic criteria matching with the words you are using.

suggestion .. maybe you can find out what diagnostic manual your location uses for diagnosing mental disorders. maybe checking out that manual will help you to understand why your treatment providers think you have psychosis not a dissociative disorder.

another suggestion try the meds they want you to try. who knows it may help regardless of what your problems are labeled as.

Guess I didn't word my words properly.. word my words.. xD Little clarification now that I am with my full mind and Waidth is not trying to break something.. or someone.
D. was the original, the one born with the body. Somewhere between the span of 6 months and 1 year, Evee dissociated because D. was ignored and left alone at most of the times. At 1 she had a surgery in which she was put asleep with anaesthetic to which she was either very allergic or they gave her too much, but she fell into "clinical" death (her brain and heart stopped working) and because of that Waidth dissociated so while D. might not be dead she certainly have not been here, so we just assume she is dead.
I do think I have psychosis (yet to be diagnosed). By the symptoms and signs it looks like psychosis, and when I went there to get help, I went because I, Scar, was scared of myself. I was, and still am not scared about DID because I'm used to it. I've never been alone nor will I ever be. We help each other and we all agreed of going there.
-Scar

[scar12346]

Wait.. can DID be mistaken for psychosis? And if so.. can all of that be just psychosis and my brain making me think that it's DID? Please be honest.

[finding_my_way]

things can overlap including variations of symptoms of dissociative experiences and other mental health issues in general.

while i have dissociative issues for sure, other times it also could be more a PTSD type reaction mixed with dissociation. sometimes, i'll dissociate and feel a lot of fear but also paranoia that heightens to the point it can cause a type of visual hallucination. the fear of someone watching me and wanting to attack me becomes so bad that it causes me to think someone is really there. it's not psychosis on its own and is a manifestation of trauma and dissociation in my case. it took years for me to figure that out but has gone back to childhood. it is based in reality due to past trauma even if it's not relevant in the here and now.

i have experiences where i can dissociate to the degree i barely know where i am. it can be derealization and depersonalization that is very severe, one or the other, or it can be more the DID. in my case, i haven't really thought of it as psychosis because (not always) i can feel another part/alter. i don't outright switch to them, so it's more an in between state, not a total black out but not 100% aware of reality either.

so, there can be a lot of different things that it can be in your case...it's just trying to figure out what is what and how to effectively get through it.

as for bigger countries having better mental health systems, that's not necessarily true. i think a lot, at least in canada probably, would diagnose schizophrenia before DID as not a lot of professionals believe in DID to begin with.

[-jimi-]

Even if I do not have DID I can totally relate to a crappy health care system. If people outside your country claims your care is just fine, don't get mad, don't believe them. Just ignore their ignorance.

I know when I have complained about my care here, some Americans have blatantly called me a liar. That I do have good care, cuz everyone does. Once they even got my hopes up that my health care would help me that I believed them and when I was rejected I felt hurt twice as much.

Countries like ours do not recognize some types of disorders or conditions. Like when a friend of mine started to show strong dissociation, her doctors just said it was anxiety.

Here they say everything is depression and anxiety, and if you are really sick they always say it is schizophrenia. It is like you cannot have anything else. Here they treat bipolars like depressoids and send them into mania. WHen they are manic they are diagnosed schizo! And they totally deny the existence of DID. We DO have a diagnosis for DID in our Euro manual, but in my country it is not used.

I cannot fathom how much people here and where you are, suffer because they simply deny some types of conditions exist. I should warn you UK is nearly as bad, they also rarely diagnose DID.

I know what it feels like to struggle with a therapist about what you feel and not feel. Way back they thought I had schizo and they used to verbally abuse me so I would "admit" to hearing voices. They do similar to you, they tell you what you should feel to fit into their diagnoses.

It completely sucks and I am ever so sorry!

My country finally accepted that ASD exists and I was given an ASD diagnosis instead of the other crap they thought I was.

One day they might even accept dissociation exists.

Originally Posted by scar12346

Wait.. can DID be mistaken for psychosis? And if so.. can all of that be just psychosis and my brain making me think that it's DID? Please be honest.

Mental illness is just a big ball of mush, and they try clumping it together to see what sticks. Any one condition of any type of mental illness can and often are mistaken for another like bipolar and borderline personality disorder are often mixed along with skitzpphrenia.

People with DID are usually diagnosed a few of these before the final diagnosis of which some have taken tens of years to receive.

Also, mental illnesses can run co-morbib like I'm DD and bipolar while Others are borderline or some other personality defeicency.

Have you taken anti-pychotics? Seroquel I know helps skitzos with hearing voices.

[scar12346]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Have you taken anti-pychotics? Seroquel I know helps skitzos with hearing voices.

Well turns out that they cannot continue my treatment because I am under 16 (even though my birthday is on the 20th of May but you know.. whatever..) They told me that I have to wait for my EEG results to come along to maybe rethink what they had in mind.
For now they told me that I need to go to the capital of Bulgaria to a hospital, in which I might get hospitalized. Now the problem is that in my family it's just me, my mam and my 1 year old sister.. We do not have a car. And if we go there my mam has to sleep in a hotel.. And the stay in the psych ward is 100 lv (about 50 euros) which believe me is way too much for us.
So now I am just left hallucinating, probably being a big danger to myself, without any medications (except Atarax for anxiety and for insomnia.. which doesn't work anymore) and I have to wait till the 12th so I can maybe get some help from them when they see my EEG.. which I'm sure will just show that I have migraines because I have a lot of them while PMSing.. so yeah... honestly I do not care anymore. Whatever happens will happen so yep that's that.

[finding_my_way]

Originally Posted by scar12346

Well turns out that they cannot continue my treatment because I am under 16 (even though my birthday is on the 20th of May but you know.. whatever..) They told me that I have to wait for my EEG results to come along to maybe rethink what they had in mind.
For now they told me that I need to go to the capital of Bulgaria to a hospital, in which I might get hospitalized. Now the problem is that in my family it's just me, my mam and my 1 year old sister.. We do not have a car. And if we go there my mam has to sleep in a hotel.. And the stay in the psych ward is 100 lv (about 50 euros) which believe me is way too much for us.
So now I am just left hallucinating, probably being a big danger to myself, without any medications (except Atarax for anxiety and for insomnia.. which doesn't work anymore) and I have to wait till the 12th so I can maybe get some help from them when they see my EEG.. which I'm sure will just show that I have migraines because I have a lot of them while PMSing.. so yeah... honestly I do not care anymore. Whatever happens will happen so yep that's that.

i am confused. why have they been helping you up to this point and now randomly say they can't because of your age? did they not know your age when you sought help? here in canada, if you are underage, your parent can allow treatment. can your mother not do the same?

when you turn 16, they will resume trying to help you in other ways?

[likewater]

Originally Posted by scar12346

I am mad.
I go to my psychologist (new one that works in the psych ward) because of depression, I mention that I have some episodes where I am lost and I tell her that I think it's because of dissociation. She then continue with 2 sessions of how we reincarnated into D.'s body (the original) when she fell into clinical death. Okay fine maybe, maybe not. She then proceeds to tell me that if we wanted normal life we should leave.. Which have to be plain suicide because D. is dead. She begins to tell me that D. is still alive, even though by what Evee told me D. f..... died when she was 1. The psychologist then tells me that I am a liar because I didn't told her earlier, even though I learnt it after our first session.. I then start crying because I am so hurt from her telling me that I am a liar, which I am not, and Waidth takes control as a defence mechanism. We nearly kept him steady in place because he wanted to choke her. Carolinae then proceeds to take control because she is the calmest. She asks if we can leave that aside and work on my personal problems. We then do that for 10 minutes because that was the time left. I'm mad right now. I'm mad and upset maybe a bit triggered because I am starting to get my stress ticks. If I am jealous of one thing that is that you guys in the bigger, richer countries have amazing mental health systems and people that are trained. I hate England and Germany, nothing personal I just don't like it, but if I need to go there for my mental health so I can find someone who understands me I would move there. I would move anywhere if there is a person who can understand and help me, because in here, they tell you that you are crazy for things that are not. They imagine your problems without asking you. And I hate that.
Sorry for my rant I just needed to let it out because that will haunt me through that whole day.
On other news I am getting anti-psychotics tomorrow.. at least one thing will be fixed, hopefully.
-Thanks for reading, Scar

I live in the US and was misdiagnosed before I got the right dx. Also,I can't afford treatment and some.of the low cost clinics have done me.more harm than good. I figure I have my whole life to get this healed though. I no longer get mad when i'm misunderstood. Okay. That's a lie. I do get mad still. Hugs to you, and wishing you.understanding and healing. May angels surround you.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Sorry to hear that you are having such a rough go of it, hun. I truly hope ya'll luck out with a good Doc. Health care just aint what it used to be anywhere these days. Usta be that the doc who brung you into this world treated you like his own kin. But nowadays seems like all these docs care about is being right with their fancy schoolin, aint no way they be willin to admit fault, heck aint no way in their noggins that us average folk just might know our ars from our elbows..if they aint got some computing machine to show them with they own eyeballs. Keep the faith, hun! Dont let nobody tell you that you dont know thyself! Cus the truth is between nobody but you and your maker to know.