[TwinVergil]

Considering right now and in all my other posts I've been looking to understand a possible diagnosis for autism, looking back into this topic is a bit off topic, but as part of my psychological history, I think I should talk about it with my therapist and write about it here.

So, I've always been obsessed with twins. I clearly remember the first class in which a teacher explained what twins were and at that moment how much I was fascinated with them. When I was in middle school I moved from Oklahoma back here to Mexico where I took the opportunity of coming from a different country to tell friends from my classroom I had a twin brother. I had a deep interest for Photoshop at that age, so putting childhood images of me into one picture was great practice. Not only that, but when visiting forums or web pages, I would always make two accounts. One for each brother. At school I would daydream a lot adventures or conversations between us two.

At High School I kept this going, I made him an account for every popular social network and every picture I took, I would analyze it to decide if it was my brother or me, yet things got ruined when one guy plugged my iPod into his computer and found the carpet with the original photos from the photoshop mixups. So to avoid people making fun of me or any gossip, I didn't speak about him again. But in forums, he still existed and in fact I used to have conversations with him in many topics or private messages.

Things were normal for a while, until one day I searched in google: Why am I so obsessed with the idea of being a twin? The answer I found was: Maybe you are one. I read about womb twin survivors and about how identical twins when separated still have the sensation that they're twins. And for the next few years, I never got off the idea that I was one, and still have hope that one day I might actually find him. Problem was, I told people at my job about my twin, I made accounts, would go out places in his place and wouldn't stop talking about him, he was in every one of my conversations. I even started calling people singletons and discriminated them for being so.

After going to a psychologist, she suggested it could be DID in the few sessions I had with her. Once my parents found out about the Facebook page and saw all the conversations, well... things went like hell. My father freaked out, got into a fight with mom because of me, and although they got back together after a three months breakup, my father and I don't speak to each other anymore.

I read about DID, but can't say for sure if I have it. Black outs and memory loss seem to be important factors and the person with the disorder isn't aware of the alter's existence to a certain point. That's nothing like me. The best I can describe it: He's my perspective of him, and the things he tells me are tips and guides that i consider he would tell me. I have a defined identity for him, but don't understand if I created this or this is part of the twin bond.

I remember the psychologist asking: Then when he takes your place (I call it that), are you aware?
I think it's different. Sometimes I get the feeling everything is an illusion or that I'm not real. That everything is kind of like a matrix we can't escape. If this happens, I soon after start wondering if I am myself or my brother, that maybe I've been trying to act like one twin, when actually I'm the other. Or that maybe my personality is a fake attempt to keep my brother's image alive and that actually it's my instinct fighting for my real identity and to stop trying to be my brother. And I just feel different moods, different ideas, different personality I guess. But I don't understand what the feelings mean.

Hi TV, welcome to PC!

Thanks for your story. I couldn't tell you if you are part of a dissociative disorder or not, but keep going to therapy and hopefully you'll get better.

We in this system are co-conscious where we can share memories and are aware, so the lights never "go out" because we are more forward in mind. We talk in head (or out loud which embarrisingly attracts attention (oops- a quick look around! Lol)). We can co-present where we share out time. We have major memory issues like time issues because memories stay with the Other that was out. Our fragmentation goes into the hundreds but just have a few main presenters.

Am I DID? I don't know or do I care because I'm more than obviously a Multiple. one can be OSDD (Other specified Dissociative Disorder) which are for those that don't quite fit the criteria to be DID.

I hope you luck in your recovery.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by TwinVergil

Considering right now and in all my other posts I've been looking to understand a possible diagnosis for autism, looking back into this topic is a bit off topic, but as part of my psychological history, I think I should talk about it with my therapist and write about it here.

So, I've always been obsessed with twins. I clearly remember the first class in which a teacher explained what twins were and at that moment how much I was fascinated with them. When I was in middle school I moved from Oklahoma back here to Mexico where I took the opportunity of coming from a different country to tell friends from my classroom I had a twin brother. I had a deep interest for Photoshop at that age, so putting childhood images of me into one picture was great practice. Not only that, but when visiting forums or web pages, I would always make two accounts. One for each brother. At school I would daydream a lot adventures or conversations between us two.

At High School I kept this going, I made him an account for every popular social network and every picture I took, I would analyze it to decide if it was my brother or me, yet things got ruined when one guy plugged my iPod into his computer and found the carpet with the original photos from the photoshop mixups. So to avoid people making fun of me or any gossip, I didn't speak about him again. But in forums, he still existed and in fact I used to have conversations with him in many topics or private messages.

Things were normal for a while, until one day I searched in google: Why am I so obsessed with the idea of being a twin? The answer I found was: Maybe you are one. I read about womb twin survivors and about how identical twins when separated still have the sensation that they're twins. And for the next few years, I never got off the idea that I was one, and still have hope that one day I might actually find him. Problem was, I told people at my job about my twin, I made accounts, would go out places in his place and wouldn't stop talking about him, he was in every one of my conversations. I even started calling people singletons and discriminated them for being so.

After going to a psychologist, she suggested it could be DID in the few sessions I had with her. Once my parents found out about the Facebook page and saw all the conversations, well... things went like hell. My father freaked out, got into a fight with mom because of me, and although they got back together after a three months breakup, my father and I don't speak to each other anymore.

I read about DID, but can't say for sure if I have it. Black outs and memory loss seem to be important factors and the person with the disorder isn't aware of the alter's existence to a certain point. That's nothing like me. The best I can describe it: He's my perspective of him, and the things he tells me are tips and guides that i consider he would tell me. I have a defined identity for him, but don't understand if I created this or this is part of the twin bond.

I remember the psychologist asking: Then when he takes your place (I call it that), are you aware?
I think it's different. Sometimes I get the feeling everything is an illusion or that I'm not real. That everything is kind of like a matrix we can't escape. If this happens, I soon after start wondering if I am myself or my brother, that maybe I've been trying to act like one twin, when actually I'm the other. Or that maybe my personality is a fake attempt to keep my brother's image alive and that actually it's my instinct fighting for my real identity and to stop trying to be my brother. And I just feel different moods, different ideas, different personality I guess. But I don't understand what the feelings mean.

we can not diagnose whether you are DID or not. what we can tell you is that the diagnostic criteria (rules that mental health therapists, doctors, psychiatrists) go by in the USA to diagnose whether a person in general has DID is that the problem can not be because of having imaginary friends, fantasy play.

so .........if going on my location....... the fact that you on purpose created an imaginary person known as your twin brother would knock out the diagnosis of DID.

here in my location someone having an imaginary person in their life is many things but not DID.

examples...
normal
role playing
playing pretend
fantasizing

here in america many normal non mental disordered children have imaginary friends, most that I know are only children who always wanted a brother or sister, others that I know their imaginary friends,brothers, sisters came from their being bored, for attention and still others due to school or acting classes where one of the requirements focused on pretending\roleplaying the part of having an imaginary sibling.

here in my location when having an imaginary sibling negatively affects a persons life, the person who willfully created /pretended they have an imaginary sibling can take control and stop their self, just like stopping another annoying habit like cracking ones fingers, smoking, swearing, twirling hair sucking ones thumb....

my suggestion is when you notice you are talking and interacting with your imaginary brother or are pretending to be your imaginary brother stop yourself and be honest with others around you. example in therapy when pretending to be your imaginary brother you can say something like sorry to confuse you I was just pretending to be my imaginary twin brother. I do not have an alternate personality, then tell your therapist how you came about creating your imaginary twin brother and how having this imaginary twin brother is affecting you and your life. your therapist will most likely understand therapists deal with people playing pretend, role playing all the time and in many cases actually pretending\role playing in therapy can ge quite helpful and healing when a therapist knows its happening. when they dont realize its happening many things can happen like getting misdiagnosed. being hospitalized for psychosis\ depression\ some I know who kept their pretending a secret ended up being given the wrong medication and ECT (shock therapy) and others were diagnosed with a mental disorder called fictitious disorder imposed on self (which means a person is purposely trying to make their self seem to have mental disorders that they do not have)

my suggestion come clean with your therapist and your friends so that you can begin to get rid of this habit of pretending you have a twin brother, that is affecting your life. you may find that you no longer need to pretend you have this imaginary brother anymore.

[TwinVergil]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

we can not diagnose whether you are DID or not. what we can tell you is that the diagnostic criteria (rules that mental health therapists, doctors, psychiatrists) go by in the USA to diagnose whether a person in general has DID is that the problem can not be because of having imaginary friends, fantasy play.
so .........if going on my location....... the fact that you on purpose created an imaginary person known as your twin brother would knock out the diagnosis of DID. Here in my location someone having an imaginary person in their life is many things but not DID.
examples...
normal
role playing
playing pretend
fantasizing
here in america many normal non mental disordered children have imaginary friends, most that I know are only children who always wanted a brother or sister, others that I know their imaginary friends,brothers, sisters came from their being bored, for attention and still others due to school or acting classes where one of the requirements focused on pretending\roleplaying the part of having an imaginary sibling.
here in my location when having an imaginary sibling negatively affects a persons life, the person who willfully created /pretended they have an imaginary sibling can take control and stop their self, just like stopping another annoying habit like cracking ones fingers, smoking, swearing, twirling hair sucking ones thumb....

my suggestion is when you notice you are talking and interacting with your imaginary brother or are pretending to be your imaginary brother stop yourself and be honest with others around you. example in therapy when pretending to be your imaginary brother you can say something like sorry to confuse you I was just pretending to be my imaginary twin brother. I do not have an alternate personality, then tell your therapist how you came about creating your imaginary twin brother and how having this imaginary twin brother is affecting you and your life. your therapist will most likely understand therapists deal with people playing pretend, role playing all the time and in many cases actually pretending\role playing in therapy can ge quite helpful and healing when a therapist knows its happening. when they dont realize its happening many things can happen like getting misdiagnosed. being hospitalized for psychosis\ depression\ some I know who kept their pretending a secret ended up being given the wrong medication and ECT (shock therapy) and others were diagnosed with a mental disorder called fictitious disorder imposed on self (which means a person is purposely trying to make their self seem to have mental disorders that they do not have)
my suggestion come clean with your therapist and your friends so that you can begin to get rid of this habit of pretending you have a twin brother, that is affecting your life. you may find that you no longer need to pretend you have this imaginary brother anymore.

No, no, no, sorry, you got the wrong idea about the whole role-playing or pretend thing. You see, although I have pretended a few times to be my brother, that was just to amplify the feeling that I was a twin, but that doesn't refer to my term of taking my place.

It's harder to explain than that, let me try again this time from a more personal point of view:

As long as I can remember, I'm always had Cesar (that's his name) by my side. I remember I used to have an imaginary friend named Sparky when I was a kid. I don't remember when he told me we were twins, but he share the same birthday. But as I grew up, he grew up with me. I always had daydreams of adventures between us, specially in boring situations like a dull speech in class or while in the super market with mom. But never the less, he has his own personality, I have mine. Sometimes we get into fights, in tough times I can count on his support, but he is very real to me. I still believe I can one day find him alive in this world and that maybe this imaginary version was simply a guide created by me to find him, or a replacement of him created by the twin bond, I don't know. I don't wanna sound crazy here without giving out a proper and scientific explanation. But for that I would need terms like "Twinless Twins", "Womb twins survivors" or "Vanishing twin syndrome" to be understood and be taken in consideration before giving me a conclusion. But yes, I believe my brother and I are two different beings. We buy gifts on our birthday for each other, we celebrate our birthday without inviting anybody else. Actually I might mention that. I politely ask friends not visit me on my birthday since to me it's a day of reflection. I tell them we can celebrate later, but truth is, I spend the day with my brother. And no, I have no control over him. I listen to him in my mind as thoughts, but I'm not sure if I could stop him from popping in. He's polite, he's never done anything like that. But things got completely out of control when I started to act all weird about it instead of just relaxing about it. He suggested relaxing.

[-jimi-]

I think since DID was unrecognized for so long, and then sort of seen in the wrong light, there isn't a lot of knowledge about a split mind. It is like psychiatry refused to mess much with that. I know several people who have company that are not DID but since the reluctance about accepting the split mind there is no vocab, no reasoning, no conclusions about most of this stuff. It irks me some.

I'm absolutely not DID but there is something about me that is different from people with "oneness".

It's very hard to think about things when there is no framework yet. I hope this will change in the future.

[TwinVergil]

But I agree with you, I don't think I have D.I.D.

There's that triggering thing that makes one alter pop up and the main source of the disorder seems to be a traumatic event that constantly repeated itself. Honestly, I had a tough childhood, but nothing as a traumatic event that repeated itself. Also, the main identity or host doesn't have much communication with the alters, it's like only one can be awake at a time. I often speak out what Cesar's saying, but he doesn't have that much control over me. I honestly understand that there is a similarity, but I only relate with a very few amount of symptoms. Hmmm... I haven't searched for an online test, but I doubt it would result positive.

Originally Posted by -jimi-

I think since DID was unrecognized for so long, and then sort of seen in the wrong light, there isn't a lot of knowledge about a split mind. It is like psychiatry refused to mess much with that. I know several people who have company that are not DID but since the reluctance about accepting the split mind there is no vocab, no reasoning, no conclusions about most of this stuff. It irks me some.

I'm absolutely not DID but there is something about me that is different from people with "oneness".

It's very hard to think about things when there is no framework yet. I hope this will change in the future.

Edit: Had to answer to this message.
You know, I think you're right. I don't think there is much information collected for a split mind diagnosis. My experience with my brother is very complex and hard to understand. It's not like D.I.D. and I doubt I'll find something similar in my lifetime. I should just accept things as they are.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by TwinVergil

No, no, no, sorry, you got the wrong idea about the whole role-playing or pretend thing. You see, although I have pretended a few times to be my brother, that was just to amplify the feeling that I was a twin, but that doesn't refer to my term of taking my place.

It's harder to explain than that, let me try again this time from a more personal point of view:

As long as I can remember, I'm always had Cesar (that's his name) by my side. I remember I used to have an imaginary friend named Sparky when I was a kid. I don't remember when he told me we were twins, but he share the same birthday. But as I grew up, he grew up with me. I always had daydreams of adventures between us, specially in boring situations like a dull speech in class or while in the super market with mom. But never the less, he has his own personality, I have mine. Sometimes we get into fights, in tough times I can count on his support, but he is very real to me. I still believe I can one day find him alive in this world and that maybe this imaginary version was simply a guide created by me to find him, or a replacement of him created by the twin bond, I don't know. I don't wanna sound crazy here without giving out a proper and scientific explanation. But for that I would need terms like "Twinless Twins", "Womb twins survivors" or "Vanishing twin syndrome" to be understood and be taken in consideration before giving me a conclusion. But yes, I believe my brother and I are two different beings. We buy gifts on our birthday for each other, we celebrate our birthday without inviting anybody else. Actually I might mention that. I politely ask friends not visit me on my birthday since to me it's a day of reflection. I tell them we can celebrate later, but truth is, I spend the day with my brother. And no, I have no control over him. I listen to him in my mind as thoughts, but I'm not sure if I could stop him from popping in. He's polite, he's never done anything like that. But things got completely out of control when I started to act all weird about it instead of just relaxing about it. He suggested relaxing.

here is some information in general about what my location goes by when trying to figure out if a problem is a dissociative one or not. only your own treatment providers can say whether what is going on with you is a dissociative problem or not....

here in my location ....dissociation ... is a reaction to a trigger.... something happens that a person can not handle so they ...feel ....numb spaced out disconnected, sometimes feel like they their self or their surroundings\people places things are not real (they ...know... what is real and what isnt theres just a .....feeling....of unreality)

from this point of normal dissociation has more severe levels, it becomes the dissociative disorders you will find in my dissociative link at the bottom of my post.

here in the USA there are only two mental disorders where there is the situation of having others living with in the same body (this is called having alternate personalities) these mental disorders are called DID (dissociative identity disorder) and OSDD (other specified dissociative disorder) OSDD in general is a less severe form of DID. you can read about what america goes by for what these two mental disorders are in my links.

here in my location the distinction between whether the identity\alter is a dissociative one is the dissociation element... they take over when the one (body born or other one in control) encounters a trigger that caused them to dissociate (feeling numb, spaced out, disconnected....)

if the person or other uses terms that point to having a friend type relationship treatment providers here look closer to see whether this is an imaginary friend or a dissociative type identity...

example

when i get stressed out at work i feel numb, spaced out, disconnected, feel like either I am not real or everything and every one around me is not real. because of this dissociation and inability to cope with my work stress, feeling like I could not do something my work required my other identity named Rainbow (just a name Im throwing in here for example purposes) would take control. she would complete my work because that was what her job, purpose reason for being created...(sense of agency...) was. when things calmed down and I was no longer feeling triggered I would be back in control.

where as another identity named Snoopy and I would get into all kinds of adventures mostly fun things like going to the movies together, making cookies together, sharing secrets together, playing games together, taking a walk together, she was there any time. sometimes she still is here. my treatment providers call her an imaginary friend not an identity with my dissociation because there is no trigger, no dissociation, any time I want to see her all i need to do is say hey snoopy and ask her a question and there she is. one day my wife heard me talking to snoopy and set an extra plate for her and invited her to stay for dinner. As a child i had many other identities\fantasy\ daydream adventure partners\ imaginary friends. some like snoopy felt very real to me and others did not.

since you are posting in the ....dissociation... forum I am assuming you are trying to figure out whether this identity is a normal imaginary friend, or delusion\hallucination (some people have this kind of thing happen and its called a delusion\hallucination associated with their other mental disorders) or an alternate personality (dissociative type identity) which is why I am posting the information that I am.

my suggestion is print off your posts and show them to your therapist. your therapist will be able to explain more about the differences between having a dissociative type identity vs an imaginary friend and how to best help you either way.

[1976kitchenfloor]

Originally Posted by TwinVergil

But I agree with you, I don't think I have D.I.D.

There's that triggering thing that makes one alter pop up and the main source of the disorder seems to be a traumatic event that constantly repeated itself. Honestly, I had a tough childhood, but nothing as a traumatic event that repeated itself. Also, the main identity or host doesn't have much communication with the alters, it's like only one can be awake at a time. I often speak out what Cesar's saying, but he doesn't have that much control over me. I honestly understand that there is a similarity, but I only relate with a very few amount of symptoms. Hmmm... I haven't searched for an online test, but I doubt it would result positive.

Edit: Had to answer to this message.
You know, I think you're right. I don't think there is much information collected for a split mind diagnosis. My experience with my brother is very complex and hard to understand. It's not like D.I.D. and I doubt I'll find something similar in my lifetime. I should just accept things as they are.

Hello. By what you say this twin borhter gives you comfort and friendship you dont get from others? He's sort of a truly evolved highly sophisticated emotional security blanket that you have kept company with. I dont what to tell you, excpet that if having this twin doenst cause you serious problems then in my book it an okay thing.

Lastly, You must be a naturally creative and highly imaginative person. Maybe you can channel what you have done in the creation of your alter ego 'twin' into a substantive art form. To me, with your talents, it would be one way to make the situation really work for you.

[Shaly78]

Twin brother affecting your life psychologist suggesting it could be DID! Wonderful concept, welcome