[lucidity11]

The crisis with my son is over for now and I am moving forward. Still making sure I am in contact with my son but trying not to be suffocating. Not easy. I have a chance to work but every time I try to make the move I withdraw. I mean withdraw, like don't leave the house, don't food shop, don't talk to anyone. So I than ignore the idea of having to go back to work and I feel safer more in control. Sometimes I actually forget that I need to work. Than I remember and all the fear and anxiety come flooding back. The biggest issue is having to go on particular days. I keep thinking that what if I can't leave the house that day. Than I call in or just don't show up. I struggled with this for about two years before I got laid off. Sometimes I would call in sick and just sit in the house feeling safe. I used to be able to over ride these fears and reactions but I started losing it about two years before I lost my job. It was a real struggle. But I need to work. But just the thought of having to be somewhere, I just freeze, filled with fear and not even thinking of a way out. I just want to be left alone. I just want everything to be quite. Rally quite and still

[Skeezyks]

Hello lucidity11: The Skeezyks is pretty-much solitary. I am married. But, otherwise, I seldom go anywhere. What I do have going for me, at this point, is that I'm old enough to be retired. So I don't have to worry about going to work. From what you wrote, it sounds like you still do.

You wrote that you have "a chance" to work. It sounds as though perhaps you'd be working as a temp... (?) not that it matters really. The thing is... I know, based on my own experience with solitariness, that it can easily become more-&-more difficult to go out at all. The more you keep to yourself, the more you just want to be left alone. Over time, "I just want to be left alone" has become sort-of a mantra with me. I can do it because I'm old. But, from what you wrote, it sounds like you really can't. You need to work. So please reach out for help to a mental health professional... a therapist, a psychiatrist, or someone else who is in a position to help & support you (not family or friends... they cannot do it.) If you do not, I fear your yearning for solitude is only going to become more intense. I wish you well...

Hon...pulling back is too easy, way to easy. Stepping out is like sailing on a sail boat....it takes work, but its so rewarding. Nothing almost hardly goes as you imagine it all things considered.

Ive figured tgat I was fired upteem time because most hate me because they kniw I'm differently weird but screw them...I'm too damn good.better then them.

So I just dress up and walk out the doir because ut ma be scary, but it's also rewarding, or scary, or destructive, ot tatally uplifting. Everyday is a new daty to see what happens, bad or good.

I just had smeone laff at me, but krwl...lucky him he could of bled over bat, but laff on.

[Shaly78]

I just realized this in enough detail to share....Males that plural isn't it safe to assume there are tough on themselves? Host male that has to keep that facade that covertness in order not to seem different. The whole male masculinity. How is that fair to compare to Host that is a female too me it would be different. I just want to encourage a system to be gentle with yourself not everyone wants the abusive approach were every memory issue or lack of functioning deserves punishment to me that breeds negativity, superiority, perfectionist, OCD traits, conceitedness, it is a form of self harm.