so we were on the phone to samaratans yesterday, and we got asked the question... so who is your Favorite alter?

at first i was fuming- what kind of a question is that?. no one wants to have alters mess with you- and do things they shouldn't, so naturally i answered.. well, none of them- they are all bad in their own way

but after i hung up.. it got me thinking.

does anyone have a Favorite alter. someone who is kind to the rest, or is helpful, or someone trustworthy

Yes, Me.

yes we have a favorite and I suspect she may be our T's favorite also as they do a lot of things together.

[Luce]

Yes, of course there are 'favorites' in the system. For instance one alter fulfilled some attachment needs. She is likeable and charming. Another is 'spunky' - she is witty and funny and likeable in a rogueish kind of way.
Others dealt with not so nice stuff, so of course they are not 'favorites' with anyone. Some were favorites with abusers, and definitely not with us.
Some were/are favorites because that was their job to be that way.

[amandalouise]

I never had any favorite alters. I was diagnosed as an adult and my alters were never the imaginary friend type. they took control any time I was triggered by something. to me that meant I was losing track of time, constantly did not know what was happening, people telling me I did things I did not remember doing. imagine going to work one moment and the next sitting at the doctors clad in a paper gown and not knowing why you are there or even able to answer the question what day is it. imagine feeling numb, spaced out disconnected as a normal thing and feeling angry, happy, sad, excited was the abnormal to me...

favorites ? no my alters were not my favorites nor my invisible friends. they were disruptions in my life, they were chaos, they were confusion, they were the holders of my emotions, trauma's and took control any time I was triggered/dissociated...they were anything but my friends and favorites.

for me DID affected every aspect of my life, each had their own sense of agency that was different than mine. no common ground other than we shared the same body. I am not integrated into one whole person again and would never change that.

It sux sharing this mind and body with Others. I hate it. Amanda pretty much realed it.

Isn't picking favorites a form of preference? I prefer to not be this way. It makes me
look foolish, stupid, weird, untouchable: pure embarrassment.

You can ask anyone of us- we are the One. The Others are a unwanted guest.

I wish that we can be one way in any form of human being.

I want to be THE transexual, THE race car driver, THE mum, THE Chef, THE Carpenter....THE ONE body, but I'm not. I'm my most favorite because the rest sucks.

If the T has favorites, that would straight up piss me off and I'd definetly let her know about it as I give her the finger waving goodbye.

[kecanoe]

Now that I am mostly co conscious and somewhat integrated, there are a couple of alters that usually make me smile. T1 likes Natalie and Korina and Maddi and Marie. He likes them all, actually, but the 4 mentioned above are the ones that he talks to the most.
I like them all, just for different reasons. They are all there to deal with stuff that I couldn't deal with. I do like it when Natalie and Korina tease t1.

[finding_my_way]

i don't have favorites, though i do like the ones that are more content, calm, etc. as i can feel what they feel a lot of the time, so those certain ones can make it easier on me functioning wise. but they all have a purpose and reason for being, so i cannot really like any better than the other as they are all important...and they are all so different.

Originally Posted by amandalouise

I never had any favorite alters. I was diagnosed as an adult and my alters were never the imaginary friend type. they took control any time I was triggered by something. to me that meant I was losing track of time, constantly did not know what was happening, people telling me I did things I did not remember doing. imagine going to work one moment and the next sitting at the doctors clad in a paper gown and not knowing why you are there or even able to answer the question what day is it. imagine feeling numb, spaced out disconnected as a normal thing and feeling angry, happy, sad, excited was the abnormal to me...

favorites ? no my alters were not my favorites nor my invisible friends. they were disruptions in my life, they were chaos, they were confusion, they were the holders of my emotions, trauma's and took control any time I was triggered/dissociated...they were anything but my friends and favorites.

for me DID affected every aspect of my life, each had their own sense of agency that was different than mine. no common ground other than we shared the same body. I am not integrated into one whole person again and would never change that.

that's why i thought it was a strange question to be asked too.

thanks..

[Luce]

I think I understand where you are coming from, ShatteredSanity. For many years our front hosty person would have said the same thing. When she had just been diagnosed she saw all of them as 'them' - those who stole her time and kept her life in confusion and chaos and instability. All she wanted was for all of 'them' to go away so she could live her life in peace and 'be normal'. But as therapy progressed and she (and we) gradually (over many, many years!) developed co-consciousness and acceptance amongst some of the alters she (and we) came to truly like each other. We developed love and compassion for the different jobs they did and thankfulness for the ways they protected the whole system.
And some of the alts are truly likeable. It was their job to be likeable. others had to do truly awful things, and we have a much harder time accepting them as a part of ourselves. but they are.
But my point is... perception can change.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

that's why i thought it was a strange question to be asked too.

thanks..

I agree its a strange question, but I have discovered over the years that its a normal question treatment providers ask.. after the first time being asked this I started turning the tables on this question by telling my treatment providers a quick "no is this a trick question?"

some told me they were just curious

others told me yes it was one of their trick questions to find out how I feel about my alters ...do I think of them as friends\imaginary friends which would have ruled out my diagnosis of DID or did I think of them as a dissociation problem that happens to me and affects my life in negative ways.

others have told me this question helped the treatment provider decide the path of treatment, if a person has a favorite alter that can sometimes mean thats the alter they switch into the most and points to the most triggering\upsetting thing that everyone must deal with.

example with these treatment providers if I had said Rainy was my favorite they would have gone on the premise that depressing, sadness and storms was the main trigger in my life due to thats the alter I would switch into the most. therefore first goal in treatment would have been to work on depression, sadness and ways to make storms less triggering for me.

yes a strange question but I have learned that there are reasons why a treatment provider asks the kinds of questions they do at the moments that they ask them...

my suggestion is think about yours and the treatment providers conversation, maybe something in there will point to why your treatment provider asked you that, at the moment that it was asked and you can always ask your treatment provider why they asked that question if it still feels like a strange question to you.

[Fuzzybear]

I think this is a strange question..
I don't speak to the Samaritans personally....
I did speak to one a long time ago,.......

[Lost_in_the_woods]

First of all who are the Samaritans?

(((HUGS N THANX AMANDA)))... I was dxd I think just over a yr ago. My experiences with this have been very similar. Life long accusations and coming to in hospitals / various other situations with no clue no memory no logical defense. HELL. 2yrs ago dxd with amnesia in ER. Thought possibly another head injury. I've apparently had a few in my life. Tests and scans came back negative for concussion. Observed and monitored for next 5 days. No signs of physical/ neuro causation..so Dissociative Amnesia. Since then, I started researching and investigating past instances.....CAUTOUSLY...causally and lightly asking friends/ SO (not family..don't trust them).. kinds like hey..remember that time ^insert whatever had been previously been relayed^....well I guess my memory must be starring to go or I think I was really out of it...cuz I was thinking and I can seem to place any details..lol you know me such a scatterbrain :P... so can you help jog my memory?...Horror Stories.. embarassing, weird, scary, scary stuff... not all were out of control or overtly bizzare, but cetainly out of character. Of course there are other things to..the stuff that I was confronted about in angry acussitory ways, that I had quickly said anything scrambling to justify or deny plausibly too...these were the things I didn't dare rehash, but starting working hard w/ T and self journals to recall the barrage of info that had been intialy presented to me. While processing and trying to connect all these things in therapy...other parts started to step forward to my therapist. Also started having my SO record/ document odd behaviors, speach, dress etc.. it all started to collide and then a perfect storm of PTSD triggering and new stressor and general shock of all of the stuff that had been agonizing me for yrs...I broke, the flood gates gave way and I lost a few months time almost entirely. Other parts took over as themselves automously. Some were aware of others and myself and legal identity, had factual knowledge regarding our family, upbringing,and knew my kids and SO and apparently felt as much attached (in different facets) to "my life" as I did/do...others would be just as confused about where they were and how they got their as I had been in past. Had completely different lives/memories...and some just were..those ones less distinct in own identity..they would go about whatever it was that they did/ do, disregarding ppl, environment and anything that was not involved in their "mission"..odd. Like a coyote or assassin...blank, focused...

Possible trigger:

my SO got in the path of one and tried to stop it? Or wake it up or get it to acknowledge him??? Idk exactly..only accounts no recordings...but I remember coming to one night I was frozen feeling standing staring..the world started to come back into focus and my SO was sitting with an ice pack to his face...black eye, gash on cheek, bloody nose, and bodily bruising. I just started crying hysterically. Apologizing for idk but knew that some how...a girl who would beg parents to not put out mousetrap and couldn't bare seeing any violence or even mean behavior...somehow I had done that to him

....since then, been working hard on integration, always hyper vigilant of date and time and when things get stressful and disregulated...I isolate. Now things are up and down ( this time of year is very strong trigger).. but progress has been made too. Somethings can only be explained in storytelling/ imaginary friend like form. Certain familiarities, feelings, thoughts that I have some awareness of the fact of where I am who I am with and that I am speaking..like stream of consciousness rambling really...I start off with clear intentions and control and then idk I find I've been going on and on for like 20+ mind in a foggy state and start realizing what I'm saying, but can stop and have no clue why or where exactly the info and/or distress over topic comes from..meat puppet. Sometimes, I feel like there is some colussion, continuity, or less bothered by time loss bc clear evidence been left behind, parts I have come to trust,some almost feel like i actually know...and a couple that I can feel myself becoming and sometimes can calm or talk out of taking over completely.. these are the good things and times..I'm fearful that a backslide is beggining to occur. So do I have favorites???...yes and no. None of it is fun, none of it is easy, none of it can I ever find accurate wording to describe or understand or relate...only vague sensations...but now b having forced myself to hear, watch, and own it... yes there are certainly some I am very relieved to find were out..given some of the now known alternatives.