We share the same conscious (co-conscious), so it seems like the 'lights never go out'. Is the original the conscious? And who is it? Or is "shim" just an observer? Or even here? We may never know.

Of course, our memories are our own memories, we may share or not. I know I have no idea what our work job is like or when an other insider is out doing their thing because they control the conscious, it's theirs it's them. I don't know why I or who I am, I just is. I guess I'm the friendly chirpy male one. People like me, some of the Others are like totally wacked.

I don't know how to explain this, the conscious is always aware, but as we switch, it becomes ours but it's like a start over. What has happened no idea, but I take over. Being the conscious is aware, when we go back, when the next is triggered in, there is a sense of staying present but new? It's just so weird.

Of course when we go back, we are out of touch with the front unless we observe and talk in.

Yes I have extreme memory issues, but with the constant switching, a lot of information seems to get lost.

Ultimately, it takes a few of us to make it through a minute. Often though, an essential part is asleep or whatever and we generally end up looking stupid. :/

But hey, it's been 47 years and we have managed, so far. A lot of times it's gotten scary, but we just have a hard time dying by non-conventional means like accidental overdosing even though we pushed it further than most of the population.

So anyways..just saying.

[Shaly78]

Is the original conscious? For my original yea to some extent ! There is a certain # of ways that indicate full consciousness for the original, so as long as in my case some recall then the rest is too difficult to get to....Hopefully they don't scramble it up to further verify.....If dissociated/frozen on some levels then it seems not really all there. I don't remember the website! Hopefully your not a stickler for all that I promise ya 25 years of therapy gets real tiring, I've had the extremist of therapy a real hybrid approach that surely screwed us over, no more therapy for us and I'm down to this website mostly. I'll pill pop for SSDI!

Originally Posted by Shaly78

Is the original conscious? For my original yea to some extent ! There is a certain # of ways that indicate full consciousness for the original, so as long as in my case some recall then the rest is too difficult to get to....Hopefully they don't scramble it up to further verify.....If dissociated/frozen on some levels then it seems not really all there. I don't remember the website! Hopefully your not a stickler for all that I promise ya 25 years of therapy gets real tiring, I've had the extremist of therapy a real hybrid approach that surely screwed us over, no more therapy for us and I'm down to this website mostly. I'll pill pop for SSDI!

Original- who's that? We just take turns doing our thing to get by moment to moment. Robbie (the fems) had her night last night being them so I guess I get to have mine tonight. Did a lot today, laundry, pesticide, mowing, shopping, drinking, cooking,....

It's amazing what can be done with out t.v.

I had one therapy session and was offered integration after dumping everything on her (lol she said she usually have to pry info from her clients and I dumped my life into her lap. HELP!!! She was scribbling away)....then our insurance got changed to non mental/behavioral/addiction help. I have to quit or get fired or find a job that pays $15.00 less to qualify for gvt help for help.

I couldn't get Ssi for bipolar depression. It didnt help an Other that hasn't been out in 30 years tried to answer question that he knows absolutely nothing about like "what do you do in your day every day?" "Dunno. I can't remember". :/. Denied. Too many I don't knows, lol. It didn't even bother the shrink to ask why.

We have minimal recall. Like I can see a fuzzy single photo still pic of our job, dream like with tunnel vision. He does what he does cause I no idea how. So I just don't let it bother me because if I try really hard to think about it, I just get a headache and nauseous, so screw it.

The way I see it, someone got their time covered in their own special way. Hell were still alive, must be working even with the bickering, confrontations, battles, but even harmony at times. Sibling rivalry is what it is.

I can tell it's been a long time for me to be out, everything looks fresh and new even though I know it as it been there for ever. The clouds are always majestic.

From a body perspective, it's like we are a hundred different Others but with the feel of some familiarity with our enviroment even though the individual perception is like-WAKE UP....GOOOOO!!! Lol

Oh, because of what I posted earlier about them always having the fun, they are letting me enjoy myself even though I can feel their influences. Now who has the power? Haha lol

This is hilarious, I'm about hairless with chains on neck, wrists, finger, ankle and toes. Plus red toe nails and glossed and shaped finger nails. There is no fighting it, it'll be all back after removing it, so why waste the energy messing with it? lol

Some of the Others really despise it but like whatever..lt's very funny to me.

[elevatedsoul]

this is something i have been curious about too..
of course i dont know what my problem is and cant say that i have much of a clue..
i could argue with myself all day and night about it but i've pretty much wore that ball game out so im just trying to ride the storm out so to speak..?

i know i have a dissociative issue but im not saying d.i.d. ........ i do know that i often find myself wondering about why things are this way, but its been something that i have been curious about since i first got the internet and was able to research stuff about consciousness and philosophy and existence .. around age of 11/12 yrs..
if only i could remember everything that i have read then i would be super super brilliant! or maybe reading so many contradicting things that cause you to question your very own existence is whats caused the great confusion..
who knows... part of me still thinks that i died in one of those near death experiences and this is just my little realm to purge the impurities from a distraught soul so that i can move on higher up the scale to regain my wings... but then you cant say too many things about the inside because people will no doubt look at you with a crooked face ya know?
i mean how can you tell someone you think you might be dead and that they are all just part of the program to your purification without them thinking you are totally pyschotic?
no one has ever said they thought i was psychotic but they havent really understood either... sometimes i wonder, maybe it is a psychosis!
but psychosis doesnt cause such a huge memory disruption and identity alteration that i am aware of..
plus my therapist keeps reassuring me that its not..

but anyway, i just found it interesting the way you worded this ... i feel like i miss who is supposed to be me, or who im supposed to be because im totally an imposter ( Imposter syndrome fever??) ((sorry about stealing your life btw :/ ))
i feel so bad about it, but i dunno what to do.. its like having a brother somewhere that you know is alive, but not sure where, or even if he is ok, but you just hope that its all good.. and that you can be reunited at some point...

i think from what i have read about co-conscious to really have a deep understanding we have to really understand consciousness itself maybe..?
this is just my thoughts but my life is really confusing so i just over analyze everything and end up making it more confusing/complicated by trying to quantize everything...
but there are so many thoughts on what consciousness is, its difficult to really come to a general consensus..
especially when it can seem like the entirety of existence is just projected from inside your own mind right?
people without d.i.d. really seem to not have a clue about this sad but true nature of existence... i guess maybe because their consciousness exists on a solid line where as there are breaks in the line with dissociative disorders...
co-conscious just being when the breaks are "tethered" with a phone line that can transfer information when there is not a big electrical storm occurring... ?

but i believe in quantum connections.. so i feel like on some level we are all part of each other... we've just been "dissociated" through thousands of years of practice with these "teachings" people fall into :/ (as humans, not individuals..)
thats just an opinion from like a fallen angel type view...

i think that is cool that you guys have internal communication though, i try to speak inside and ill get my head bit off - totally forbidden, and what communication i do have is discreet and disguised so that i dont notice

how can i live outside and inside simultaneously without knowing either or? i have no clue -- maybe im just a referee to keep the game in motion , but have you ever seen a referee out on a game field by himself blowing the whistle and calling out things by himself? lol



i've been trying for disability (not like i want it or anything.. but really need it to help recovery..) i was dx bipolar and its all been messed up for the past 5-6 years, trying to get a handle on things and figure stuff out.. fight the government and fighting the doctors too because they think im probably just a drug addcited aclholic or something..? dunno what they think, i dont come across as that type when they talk to me and seems like they always act like im the sweetest person ever but i just keep trying to tell them that life is not ok and please help and understand me without making me say too much please
but they want to see you crying and bleeding and falling apart before they believe... if i could show them all of that i would of showed them a long time ago, but its my secrets that are burried that are not allowed to show so its not my choice to keep it hidden, i go in and try to be serious and they just see a cold kind gentle type person sitting there trying to explain things that seem unlikely because im not falling apart and cursing everyone out or hallucinating

stay frosty , like me friend used to tell me <3

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

this is something i have been curious about too..
of course i dont know what my problem is and cant say that i have much of a clue..
i could argue with myself all day and night about it but i've pretty much wore that ball game out so im just trying to ride the storm out so to speak..?

i know i have a dissociative issue but im not saying d.i.d. ........ i do know that i often find myself wondering about why things are this way, but its been something that i have been curious about since i first got the internet and was able to research stuff about consciousness and philosophy and existence .. around age of 11/12 yrs..
if only i could remember everything that i have read then i would be super super brilliant! or maybe reading so many contradicting things that cause you to question your very own existence is whats caused the great confusion..
who knows... part of me still thinks that i died in one of those near death experiences and this is just my little realm to purge the impurities from a distraught soul so that i can move on higher up the scale to regain my wings... but then you cant say too many things about the inside because people will no doubt look at you with a crooked face ya know?
i mean how can you tell someone you think you might be dead and that they are all just part of the program to your purification without them thinking you are totally pyschotic?
no one has ever said they thought i was psychotic but they havent really understood either... sometimes i wonder, maybe it is a psychosis!
but psychosis doesnt cause such a huge memory disruption and identity alteration that i am aware of..
plus my therapist keeps reassuring me that its not..

but anyway, i just found it interesting the way you worded this ... i feel like i miss who is supposed to be me, or who im supposed to be because im totally an imposter ( Imposter syndrome fever??) ((sorry about stealing your life btw :/ ))
i feel so bad about it, but i dunno what to do.. its like having a brother somewhere that you know is alive, but not sure where, or even if he is ok, but you just hope that its all good.. and that you can be reunited at some point...

i think from what i have read about co-conscious to really have a deep understanding we have to really understand consciousness itself maybe..?
this is just my thoughts but my life is really confusing so i just over analyze everything and end up making it more confusing/complicated by trying to quantize everything...
but there are so many thoughts on what consciousness is, its difficult to really come to a general consensus..
especially when it can seem like the entirety of existence is just projected from inside your own mind right?
people without d.i.d. really seem to not have a clue about this sad but true nature of existence... i guess maybe because their consciousness exists on a solid line where as there are breaks in the line with dissociative disorders...
co-conscious just being when the breaks are "tethered" with a phone line that can transfer information when there is not a big electrical storm occurring... ?

but i believe in quantum connections.. so i feel like on some level we are all part of each other... we've just been "dissociated" through thousands of years of practice with these "teachings" people fall into :/ (as humans, not individuals..)
thats just an opinion from like a fallen angel type view...

i think that is cool that you guys have internal communication though, i try to speak inside and ill get my head bit off - totally forbidden, and what communication i do have is discreet and disguised so that i dont notice

how can i live outside and inside simultaneously without knowing either or? i have no clue -- maybe im just a referee to keep the game in motion , but have you ever seen a referee out on a game field by himself blowing the whistle and calling out things by himself? lol



i've been trying for disability (not like i want it or anything.. but really need it to help recovery..) i was dx bipolar and its all been messed up for the past 5-6 years, trying to get a handle on things and figure stuff out.. fight the government and fighting the doctors too because they think im probably just a drug addcited aclholic or something..? dunno what they think, i dont come across as that type when they talk to me and seems like they always act like im the sweetest person ever but i just keep trying to tell them that life is not ok and please help and understand me without making me say too much please
but they want to see you crying and bleeding and falling apart before they believe... if i could show them all of that i would of showed them a long time ago, but its my secrets that are burried that are not allowed to show so its not my choice to keep it hidden, i go in and try to be serious and they just see a cold kind gentle type person sitting there trying to explain things that seem unlikely because im not falling apart and cursing everyone out or hallucinating

stay frosty , like me friend used to tell me <3

Well. About the bipolar part...no one will diagnose anyone anything if they been using because it all looks like drugs- this I know for sure.

Thanks for your kind words on my words becAuse I try being honest and truthful always.

I just wish to be a real live example or at least relatable to to help others. Me, I'm too messed up to fix, but if I can help others...

Truth be known, I'm a master of all trades...but can't remember which! Lol

This is just how my system operates which can be one in a trillion? Zillion?

Anyways I officially don't have a dx... But it's totally like like do I really need one because I'm totally obvious. I'm just as smart as the best of them and had the studies. So.....

Anyways....know thy self. I discovered myself through the works of others before me. It was a lot of work- then the pieces melded into perfect alignment. So hard to deny the hard obvious. For me it is.

Any ways. Good luck in your journeys. (((Huggs)))

[elevatedsoul]

yeah, my psychiatrist before was a weirdy.. dunno why he treated me the way he did :/
but trying to forget about that

i hope i didnt say anything wrong! wasn't trying to say anything bad or anything, honestly i dont really know what im saying lately.. so i try not to say anything but i end up saying things and later i'll be all like.. grrr.. know what i mean? :/
trying to keep my big mouth zipped because i dunno how to control it it seems

plus its getting super tiresome to keep checking back on myself on these forums and checking my emails just to make sure i didnt say anything like really bad to anyone or send my ex a bunch of letters again or some weird junk... sometimes i totally think about breaking the computer to avoid all that mess but then i would be so bored i would really freak

dunno how to block myself from doing those kind of stupid things though.. i dont wanna disappear but i dont really want to "mess up" any - trying to walk the fine lines i guess -.-
just sucks when your memory is broken and you dont really have much of a choice but to keep checking things because you're pretty sure you said something but just dunno what - if thats believable - maybe should just give up on it and stop trying to be a policeman to myself

and its even more super hard trying to filter in real life, really wanna bang my head sometimes because its almost like part of my mind walks around telling people stuff just so i can look back on it later and feel super retarded like people are judging me and like why would i even tell anyone about my struggles? like it matters anyway? being agoraphobic people already know somethings wrong so no need in saying anything for crying out loud
but whatever... i guess its just because im super tired and stuff..
totally embarrassing because im sure people are having to really start thinking im super crazy..

i always enjoy reading you guys thoughts, dunno if my troubles any similar to anyones here but makes me feel less alone and all knowing that maybe im not the only one living a super weird life.. or dream .. im gonna tell my T this week alot so i can get it off my chest and hopefully stop this madness
she's just really not trained with this stuff so.. scared she just really cant handle me.. i know i dissociated last time and i felt like she panicked but wasnt much i could do but try to really pull myself back like i always do without making a big scene .. its difficult for me to speak and stuff when it happens like that , guess its my shutdown mode

really didnt mean to say anything bad though, your cool, and i think its cool when people can be themselves and really be like "IDGAF" what anyone thinks! i've always had problems with that, but im working on it..

im really confused now so im gonna go watch a movie and eat some popcorn
gonna check out The machinist .. hope its halfway decent -- urgh.. already 12.30am :/

[Shaly78]

Always changing, is that a rhetorical question seems like it...I guess you gotta wait until you can get what you can get....I'm sure you don't wanna know a bum like me! lol

Boogie man.