[Scotch]

Does anyone after a long day of doing things like to come home and look forward to spending time with your alts? That's something we sort of like doing and we want to know if any of you guys like to do the same?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Scotch

Does anyone after a long day of doing things like to come home and look forward to spending time with your alts? That's something we sort of like doing and we want to know if any of you guys like to do the same?

ummmm no. I once told my therapist I wish I could be like some other people I was reading about online who say their alters are their friends, their alters and they play together, like friends... my therapist looked at me and said it was a good thing I did not consider my alters to be my friends, role playing, fantasy playing fantasy conversations with them because that would have gotten me diagnosed a psychotic disorder rather than a dissociative disorder, simply because of the diagnostic criteria stating it cant be for fantasy play\ imaginary friends.

short version having DID in my location means everything that is happening because of the disorder is because of dissociation and affects every aspect of a persons life... example if I dissociated (got triggered and had my dissociation symptoms) then the alters would take control whether I was home, at work at school, out with friends....

that said on rare occasions i would hear my alters talking while I was working, or in my college classes or enjoying time with friends. and yes when at home, most of the time the chatter was about traumatic content but on rare occasions I would hear something that made me laugh, but over all having DID was not a fun thing to have for me. my alters were not like having imaginary friends and fantasy play, spend time with friends after hours kind of stuff.

[Luce]

Yes, we have in the past. I guess there are times when we still do. Though it is not so much spending time with them as
them just busting to get out. Especially when we have big internal stuff that needs to be worked on. It just
needs to be done.

[Scotch]

Originally Posted by Luce

Yes, we have in the past. I guess there are times when we still do. Though it is not so much spending time with them as
them just busting to get out. Especially when we have big internal stuff that needs to be worked on. It just needs to be done.

We do what we must. 💕

we do like it if someone has had a lot to deal with in the day, and the others try and help out

their have been times where i've actually wished with all my heart for a certain person to just be their

their are plenty of times though where the right person isn't here.

natalie gets all in our faces about it. you know, it's not my fault they arn't doing what they are supposed to, or what exactly do you want me to do. call an emergency meeting?

sometimes she even swears

[Scotch]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

their are plenty of times though where the right person isn't here.

natalie gets all in our faces about it. you know, it's not my fault they arn't doing what they are supposed to, or what exactly do you want me to do. call an emergency meeting?

sometimes she even swears

We're sorry. :T One of us goes quiet every now and then so we've been there.

We can't really speak on Natalie's behalf but we're pretty happy when we want to be team players ourselves. That being said, we hope that you get along. 💕

[Luce]

I think a little swearing
every now and then
is perfectly acceptable
under the circumstances

Originally Posted by Scotch

We're sorry. :T One of us goes quiet every now and then so we've been there.

We can't really speak on Natalie's behalf but we're pretty happy when we want to be team players ourselves. That being said, we hope that you get along. ��

thanks

thanks and same to you

(((((hugs)))))

i love the hearts at the end of your messages, think it's really nice and supportive

I do t a out enjoying the Others seeing we interact every moment of everyday.

Tell you what, after a long, especially hard day on the job, I'm more than happy to relinquish control and let an Other do their thing and deal with the after work bs.

Usually the Fems do the home situation, but they are horrid over bills and fixing things.

[finding_my_way]

the only times that kind of thing happened was when i was a child. i would play with some of them or one would be fronting when i was just watching from the back. sometimes i could see one in front of me. i knew they weren't just imaginary friends but didn't know what they were..i just knew they were there sometimes.

as i got into my teen years, it changed so we were able to talk to each other. it was okay with me because i was able to get to learn about some of them and wasn't alone...though the dissociation was so bad too that they were the only thing i really had during it. my head was always so loud and chaotic.

as time went on, it stopped being like that. i have just started to realize that they went quiet and barriers went up more so i don't hear them much because it was the only way i could become stronger and become more of myself. it does make it difficult though because of that since i do still feel them and occasionally hear them but am not currently able to learn what they need/want, etc. and can only try things to see if it helps any.

as a child, i think some of them were around when i was feeling lonely or sad, etc. but i don't think it was all the time either as i only recall an older one a few times being there to play games with me or comfort me.

now when i have felt some of them closer, it isn't really enjoyable (unless it's one of the younger ones who isn't sad/scared or a fun/funny one) because so many of them feel so much pain and sadness and others are full of fear, hatred towards me, etc. and other things...so i am not sure i'd actually want that kind of company if that was going to be how it always is because it starts to affect me and my feelings/functioning because of the feelings that come from them.

[Scotch]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I do t a out enjoying the Others seeing we interact every moment of everyday. Tell you what, after a long, especially hard day on the job, I'm more than happy to relinquish control and let an Other do their thing and deal with the after work bs. Usually the Fems do the home situation, but they are horrid over bills and fixing things.

You don’t say? How curious. We have one that does our finances for the other two of us because we kind of make some pretty impulsive purchases sometimes. *Covers our face* (We’ve gotten a lot better at asking permission to each other for some things.) That’s kind of how it has to be sometimes when you share a body we guess. What can ya do?

Originally Posted by finding_my_way

Now when i have felt some of them closer, it isn't really enjoyable (unless it's one of the younger ones who isn't sad/scared or a fun/funny one) because so many of them feel so much pain and sadness and others are full of fear, hatred towards me, etc. and other things...so i am not sure i'd actually want that kind of company if that was going to be how it always is because it starts to affect me and my feelings/functioning because of the feelings that come from them.

We are so sorry about those feelings that you must constantly have to fight. None of you deserve to feel that way. We always tell ourselves “Keep it together” whenever we’re having a moment in public.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

ummmm no. I once told my therapist I wish I could be like some other people I was reading about online who say their alters are their friends, their alters and they play together, like friends... my therapist looked at me and said it was a good thing I did not consider my alters to be my friends, role playing, fantasy playing fantasy conversations with them because that would have gotten me diagnosed a psychotic disorder rather than a dissociative disorder, simply because of the diagnostic criteria stating it cant be for fantasy play\ imaginary friends.

short version having DID in my location means everything that is happening because of the disorder is because of dissociation and affects every aspect of a persons life... example if I dissociated (got triggered and had my dissociation symptoms) then the alters would take control whether I was home, at work at school, out with friends....

that said on rare occasions i would hear my alters talking while I was working, or in my college classes or enjoying time with friends. and yes when at home, most of the time the chatter was about traumatic content but on rare occasions I would hear something that made me laugh, but over all having DID was not a fun thing to have for me. my alters were not like having imaginary friends and fantasy play, spend time with friends after hours kind of stuff.

Having a positive relationship with your alters doesn't necessarily mean that it is imaginary or fantasy play - it is just engaging with another part of your self. So perhaps it wouldn't fall under that fantasy umbrella?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Luce

Having a positive relationship with your alters doesn't necessarily mean that it is imaginary or fantasy play - it is just engaging with another part of your self. So perhaps it wouldn't fall under that fantasy umbrella?

yes and no. in its most basic psychological terms an imaginary friend is having a friendship or other interpersonal relationship that takes place in the mind\ imagination rather than in the physically external reality.

examples...

talking to yourself is considered having an imaginary conversation with yourself. this is considered to be completely normal thing to do, even non dissociative people talk to / have conversations with their self from time to time.

with talking to yourself you get to lead the conversation\ control the conversation. with dissociative alters one of the distinctions here in my location is that the alters ..,..take ...control to do what their job, purpose, reason for being created and other things that fall into the diagnostic criteria called sense of agency.

another reason playing \ spending time with your alters in my location, falls under fantasy play is because that alter is not physically there like my wife, my best friend, my children. they are in my mind\ internally not externally.

one ways a person can tell if they are having a conversation that falls under the imaginary\fantasy play vs having a conversation with an alter is notice who is in control of the conversation and what is being shared. if you are the one in control of the conversation then it falls under imaginary\fantasy but if your alter is controlling the conversation, doing what their sense of agency is, sharing what they know about their sense of agency then its having an internal conversation with an alter. Im not saying alters cant play just that they have their own sense of agency and thats what and who they are. if their sense of agency is to play with dolls thats what they do, if their sense of agency is to tell jokes thats what they do, if their sense of agency is to cry and be sad thats what they do, if their sense of agency is to hold the memory of what happened on this night with that person then thats what they do...

thats the simplest definition going according to .....my own locations.... way of distinguishing alters from fantasy play\ imaginary play.

your treatment provider can tell you what your location goes by on what does and doesnt fall under the fantasy umbrella where you are.

[Luce]

Thanks AL.
I am kinda interested in this at the moment because some alts have been writing stuff to our ext t that we don't have knowledge about and actively deny. We are trying different strategies to determine the reality of what is being said and why it is being said. We want to know if it is something we need to act on or merely the product of a disturbed mind. So this topic about the possibility of it being fantasy or the reality for those alts is a hot topic for us personally atm.
One thing we have been doing recently (and I wouldn't recommend this to others - it just works for us in our particular circumstances right now) is to video ourselves reading out loud what these other alts have written.
What I have found is that we switch and I get to see stuff that I don't otherwise see.... that is, these other alts coming out. And the effects of their ... experiences.

[Scotch]

Originally Posted by Luce

they have some bad stuff. its scary and we get to see them, and we know they aren't us and we see a bit of what happens when we lost time. so we are trying to listen to them but it is hard cos it is scary stuff.

Pretty eerie. We don't run into anything like that but it'd be fun to maybe try to piece it all together.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Scotch

Pretty eerie. We don't run into anything like that but it'd be fun to maybe try to piece it all together.

heres something for you to try. think about your worse, most horrific traumatic filled event that you can remember. now think about whether it would be fun for you to go through that traumatic event all over again complete with feeling the emotions and physical aspects of that memory all over again as if it was happening right now in the present moment... that will tell you whether piecing together traumatic events is fun.

for me it was not fun, it was scary, and physically/ mentally painful and sometimes resulted in hospitalizations due to suicide and self injury because re experiencing it to piece it all together was just as traumatic as when it happened.

Luce.... yes sometimes alters fantasize and pretend and imagine. what my own treatment providers and I did was not to worry about if what they were talking about was real. even in ones fantasy there are elements that are real. a person doesnt just imagine out of the blue with no material to make that fantasy. the material for things that are not real are elements of our lives...

non triggering example a person can not imagine petting a deer if in their real life they have no knowledge of what a deer is, how it feels to pet something furry, have no knowledge of what the colors brown and white spots are.. those elements in the fantasy had to come from somewhere in reality...watching a tv show, actually petting animals, using crayons...even our emotions in a fantasy has elements of reality in them. a person who is scared my have a memory of a monster. the monster may not be real but the emotion of being scared no matter what made them scared enough to fantasize a monster.

so my therapist and I went on the premise that it doesnt matter whether what the alters were telling\sharing with her was real or fantasy. it may have felt and seemed unreal and couldnt have happened in our minds, what was important was that the alters felt those things were real. what was important was the fact that the alters were sharing that stuff, what they shared showed us they needed something...that something could be just to be heard, or comforted, other than that we let time take its course and if something was in fact real it became apparent in time.

my suggestion luce is just give it time. if what your alters are telling you is real not their building a fantasy you will discover that at some point. whats important is that ...are.... now sharing\ letting you and your therapist in to their thoughts, their memories, their feelings. great idea on the video. my therapist used\uses video too.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

heres something for you to try. think about your worse, most horrific traumatic filled event that you can remember. now think about whether it would be fun for you to go through that traumatic event all over again complete with feeling the emotions and physical aspects of that memory all over again as if it was happening right now in the present moment... that will tell you whether piecing together traumatic events is fun.

for me it was not fun, it was scary, and physically/ mentally painful and sometimes resulted in hospitalizations due to suicide and self injury because re experiencing it to piece it all together was just as traumatic as when it happened.

Luce.... yes sometimes alters fantasize and pretend and imagine. what my own treatment providers and I did was not to worry about if what they were talking about was real. even in ones fantasy there are elements that are real. a person doesnt just imagine out of the blue with no material to make that fantasy. the material for things that are not real are elements of our lives...

non triggering example a person can not imagine petting a deer if in their real life they have no knowledge of what a deer is, how it feels to pet something furry, have no knowledge of what the colors brown and white spots are.. those elements in the fantasy had to come from somewhere in reality...watching a tv show, actually petting animals, using crayons...even our emotions in a fantasy has elements of reality in them. a person who is scared my have a memory of a monster. the monster may not be real but the emotion of being scared no matter what made them scared enough to fantasize a monster.

so my therapist and I went on the premise that it doesnt matter whether what the alters were telling\sharing with her was real or fantasy. it may have felt and seemed unreal and couldnt have happened in our minds, what was important was that the alters felt those things were real. what was important was the fact that the alters were sharing that stuff, what they shared showed us they needed something...that something could be just to be heard, or comforted, other than that we let time take its course and if something was in fact real it became apparent in time.

my suggestion luce is just give it time. if what your alters are telling you is real not their building a fantasy you will discover that at some point. whats important is that ...are.... now sharing\ letting you and your therapist in to their thoughts, their memories, their feelings. great idea on the video. my therapist used\uses video too.

Thank you, AL.
Your post here was comforting and helpful.

Originally Posted by Scotch

Pretty eerie. We don't run into anything like that but it'd be fun to maybe try to piece it all together.

Ummm. I found a fragment of a memory once....it was swollen red searing pain....I was messed up for days dissociating to passing out. Not fun.

[Scotch]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Ummm. I found a fragment of a memory once....it was swollen red searing pain....I was messed up for days dissociating to passing out. Not fun.

Ouch, we're sorry to hear that. Cheers to such a thing not happening often 💔

Originally Posted by Scotch

Ouch, we're sorry to hear that. Cheers to such a thing not happening often ��

Yes...I quit going hunting. What's buried can stay buried!

[Luce]

There are also times when you don't get much of a choice about it, times when you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. Times when you just want to scream "I never asked for any of this!!!" and wish all of it would disappear. There are times when you have an ethical responsibility to find out the answers even though you know it is gonna tear you and your whole world apart, because to do nothing is to be worse.
You are
damned if you do and you are
damned if you don't
and you never asked for any of it
but you have to decide?????? You have to make a choice? And both are too overwhelming and too painful and you would much rather just lie down and create another one to take over everything so you don't have to deal with any of it????

That's how much fun putting those puzzle pieces together is, and that's how 'choice' about it goes.

[Scotch]

Originally Posted by Luce

You are damned if you do and you are damned if you don't and you never asked for any of it.

We're familiar with the feeling of sitting there mortified about it as well.
And what do you mean to make a "choice?"

[Luce]

I mean choice about whether you actively seek information and communication with alters who are behind amnesiac barriers. Whether you choose to find out what they do and know or not. One can choose to know or to not know.
Sometimes a choice is forced.

Like when there are ethics involved. For instance:

Possible trigger:

my mother chose to 'not know' about her children being abused. I don't know for sure what dissociative disorder she has but she dissociated her sense of knowing about it and did nothing. There were times when she was confronted with that knowledge but then dissociated it again, allowing the abuse to continue unchecked for years. She chose to 'not know'.

In that scenario does anyone really have a choice about what to do?
editing this because of course a person has a choice about it. Just like our mother made her choice.

[Scotch]

Originally Posted by Luce

I mean choice about whether you actively seek information and communication with alters who are behind amnesiac barriers. Whether you choose to find out what they do and know or not. One can choose to know or to not know.
Sometimes a choice is forced.

Like when there are ethics involved. For instance:

Possible trigger:

my mother chose to 'not know' about her children being abused. I don't know for sure what dissociative disorder she has but she dissociated her sense of knowing about it and did nothing. There were times when she was confronted with that knowledge but then dissociated it again, allowing the abuse to continue unchecked for years. She chose to 'not know'.

In that scenario does anyone really have a choice about what to do?
editing this because of course a person has a choice about it. Just like our mother made her choice.

We're very sorry about the trigger. You folks have our condolences (Not that you would need it because we're sure you folks are doing well enough as it is but you folks have them.)
We can feel that one of us is hiding some kind of strong feelings for us as well. We've felt it for a while and we're sure if we asked him, he after a while would enlighten us on what it is. He would prefer that we didn't however. Anyway, we apologize for rambling on. Thank you for replying to our post.