[TrailRunner14]

When does the point that someone understands the hurt, the loneliness, the brokenness of what you are trying to get to the other side of?

Why is it that you share the brokenness with your closest other, by marriage. The response is, as always, "it's not MY fault". "I'm not going to get blamed for this!"

My heart asked, in truthfulness, to please hear and acknowledge the hurt, please show some compassion. Please show some emotion, besides anger towards them, for me.

Question. Two kids. One bites the other one. My question to him. Which one do you address? Do you punish and get angry at the one who bit, or do you comfort and love the one who was bitten?

His answer. "I would "punish" the one who bit.

My reply is "I'm the one with the marks and hurt, wanting comfort and compassion."

He had no reply so here I am by myself. I need to go to bed.

Thank you for hearing me!!

[Luce]

I am sorry he neither sees nor hears you.

I too would comfort the one who was hurt.

(((((((hugs)))))

[TrailRunner14]

Thank you both! Luce, your words are kind and the hug is very welcomed SS.

I was in a bad place. A part of me just doesn't understand why I continue to throw myself under the bus. When am I going to learn? Why do I keep being so stupid to expect compassion and understanding when it hasn't happened in 29 years?

I don't know. There is a part of me that wants to believe that one day. ONE DAY the narcissist Mr Hyde will be kick the bucket and the kind and caring Dr Jeckle will be there.

Rainbows and butterflies, I know.

[magicalprince]

Yeah someday he'll understand™

I feel your pain. the hardest part is that you really have good intentions and you just want things to be good and you can't process why you get such a cold, scathing response.

I was just learning about the demand/withdraw pattern in relationships.

Stay strong okay?

[elevatedsoul]

it sucks when the people we want to understand most cant wrap even a finger around it

i try not to even expect people to understand anymore... i just keep it to myself

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by magicalprince

Yeah someday he'll understand

I feel your pain. the hardest part is that you really have good intentions and you just want things to be good and you can't process why you get such a cold, scathing response.

I was just learning about the demand/withdraw pattern in relationships.

Stay strong okay?

Thank you for sharing the article. I did read it and a lot of it hit home.

Cold scathing doesn't really describe his response. It's more exploding anger and yelling at me that it's not HIS fault. I'm good for now, I'll keep it to myself.

There just isn't anyone that I can talk to about it that halfway understands, or wants to, except my once a week counselor. When something comes into my mind, it's like it has an agenda of its own. I can't seem to put it away. It helps me so much to be able to verbalize it. For some reason, speaking it out loud to someone else, helps me make sense of it in some way. It also "downloads" it and there is a relief that I'm not alone. Well, that's what I'm looking for anyway when I try and talk with him about any of what I am working through.

Sorry! I'm rambling.

Thank you for the article!

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

it sucks when the people we want to understand most cant wrap even a finger around it

i try not to even expect people to understand anymore... i just keep it to myself

It really is a lonely vacuum. Isn't it? My heart is sad that you know this place.

I guess there is a part of me that desperately wants to be understood and feel safe. Poor thing. That's the one that keeps the tread marks from the bus.