Why is it

i fade out when i dont want to ...

and when i want to i never do....im stuck dealing with things i dont want to deal with....and when "leaving" almost feels like a peace...like im allowed to let "someone else" take the steering wheel.... its something i almost want to happen so i dont have to deal anymore...but it just never happens that way...

((((((((((((((((INNY)))))))))))))))))))
I do not know much about this. but maybe its your brains way of coping. Take care .......hope things get better.

I wish.. that I had an answer.... for the both of us...

feeling the fade...as it happens... not being able to stop it... and more important not wanting to stop it...

the "shock" of "waking" up right in of "something" or "anything"...trying to pick up threads of what is going on.. while keeping a "still" outer face, so the world does not "guess"

sending kind, kind thoughts your way...

((((((((inny)))))))))

INNY

Oh, gosh, I lost my thought of what I was going to say.

Gentle Hugs, SBD

I soooooooo understand this and have asked myself that many times.

I would get angry and say that there was no reason for me to check...I wanted to be aware. It didn't seem to matter in the "presets" in my brain.

I think for us that we do have well formed presets that determine dissociation and others acting.

For me I realized that it was a couple of thoughts had that would trip the switch to the presets..."That did NOT just happen (disbelief on my part)," "This can't be happening," or "I don't want to be here." The same thoughts this child had time and again...

I never realized how literally these thoughts of mine were taken internally. As I gained awareness in regards to my dissociation, I realized these specific thoughts would flip a switch in my brain. For forever, I thought there was another, global part of me that "dictated" who did what, when, where and how. However, over time I realized that for me it was a physiological aspect of my brain.

I can't say that goes on for everyone, of course, but that was the case for me. I try very hard to re-frame my thinking in that I've tried to replace those specific thoughts. It really helped.

Love,

KD

thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you

all my love

i am very grateful to all of you

((((((((((((((((((inny))))))))))))))))

Inny, I hear you and I understand. Sometimes fading out is hard but when you need to fade out and cannot it becomes even harder. I stand with you and I give you strength when you feel yourself slipping. KD said it very well. Thank you for posting inny and for reaching out. Keep posting. We love you and care very much.

purplesecrets

Hi inny.

yep i have experienced this too, and it frustrates me to no end. Im not sure of any advice to give you but i just wanted to let you know your not alone