I'm Trying to Overcome Emotional Numbness

Counselling Blog - How to Overcome Emotional Numbness - How to Overcome Emotional Numbness

I had Attachment Trauma, growing up, and then, after a nervous breakdown in 2006-2007, I had some more, of the PTSD variety, leading to numbness, to this day. I've focused on anger and insulting people trying to help me, but I seek help to overcome this numbness; it's galling, and I don't know how to start feeling, again.

That literally seems the case, with me; I used EMDR on myself on Sunday, and it made a big difference. It seems (finally) give me a handle on my limbic trauma symptoms, but I still don't know how to stop my emotional numbness; I can now, apparently manage working on a job, but I feel under motivated; the symptoms that caused my emotional numbness are gone, but not my emotional numbness--what to do about that?

What Moral Support Looks Like:
Mom, you are a dog and a coward—full stop, but don't ask me—talk to my witnesses, listed below. You seem to have a hard time trusting my word, so don't trust mine-- instead, take theirs. You think my motives are bad—so be it. You're too coward, so what's new? I'm doing this for the right reasons, and that's good enough for me, if not for you.

Just listen—I'm so disgusted that you stubbornly don't. No dialog, just cowardly insolence. Ugh.

I also want to feel again but I am still afraid to feel. If I can get rid of the fear I think I might have a chance

I think there's a lot to that, friend; last night I talked to a Non Violent Communicator, and had a very physical, psycho-somatic reaction, when she replied, because I felt rejected, by her answer.

Here's what I expect others to say, on my behalf:

I am very afraid that you will try to pressure me into violating my conscience. I've been pressured by others before, and don't like it. I believe holding my mother to her duty was my duty, plus prerogative. I expect you to, at a minimum, help me convince my mother she is wrong, her logic, wrong.

To me, "forgive" is a code word to legitimize my mother's errors. I don't mind forgiving her, but that doesn't mean she was right to resist my authority; I fully expect you to make that clear, as clear as I have.

I want to trust her, and if not that, then at least you; she stabbed me in the back, but I wouldn't care if I didn't wish to communicate, and I do. I fear getting backstabbed, in confronting her, like she once stabbed me and I'm placing myself in a vulnerable position to feel trust and conficance, in you; call me stupid, but I think that's brave.

If I set boundaries, would you validate them? That's what I expect you to help me, with.

Would love to be completely numb and not give a f*** about what it does to others, especially T, ***** !!!

It's dull, boring, and lifeless; you may be in pain, but it's proof you live.

Cherish it--I did not ,and boy was that foolish.