[Claritytoo]

I couldn't find my t office yesterday even though I have been there twice before. I fking couldn't find and missed my appointment. I drove around for 40 minutes looking for it. I don't know why the f no one helped me. My system is confusing me now. We knew where we were before we moved so we didn't get lost even if we hadn't been there before. Now sometimes when I am driving I don't remember seeing most of the ***** I am looking at. But I know I have moved to a new state. Just sometimes nothing looks like I have ever seen it before. Sometimes I believe I couldn't find my way back to NY. but I can. if I need to. Sometimes I just want to get in the car and drive off. leaving everything behind. why not. But my dog wouldn't like to be staying in the car and than who would I be. I just want to see my grandsons. I just want them to know I love them. and that I didn't leave them. I am furious right now for the position I am in. I want my life back. wtf happened. f everything.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I couldn't find my t office yesterday even though I have been there twice before. I fking couldn't find and missed my appointment. I drove around for 40 minutes looking for it. I don't know why the f no one helped me. My system is confusing me now. We knew where we were before we moved so we didn't get lost even if we hadn't been there before. Now sometimes when I am driving I don't remember seeing most of the ***** I am looking at. But I know I have moved to a new state. Just sometimes nothing looks like I have ever seen it before. Sometimes I believe I couldn't find my way back to NY. but I can. if I need to. Sometimes I just want to get in the car and drive off. leaving everything behind. why not. But my dog wouldn't like to be staying in the car and than who would I be. I just want to see my grandsons. I just want them to know I love them. and that I didn't leave them. I am furious right now for the position I am in. I want my life back. wtf happened. f everything.

(((gentle understanding hug)))

I totally understand and know first hand what you are saying. I was going to my counselor's office a while back and wound up somewhere else, and couldn't figure out how I got there. It was very disturbing! I figured out where I was and got to his office, pretty shook up. There have been other times that I've been going somewhere that I've been several times before, and gotten confused and lost. The navigation system in my car that I have now has been a lifesaver to me. Sometimes though, even with it, I still find myself anxious and scared that I'm still going to get lost.

My counselor is relocating his office, and it is twice the distance from my home than his location is now. I'm trying hard to find a way there that feels safe to me. I've practiced the drive a couple of times. I'm struggling with some pretty intense anxiety of getting there.

Getting in my car and just driving away is a feeling that I have often when I get overwhelmed. I just want to get in it and drive, not caring where I wound up. Run away! It has come to me, that I can't really run away from this. The more I am aware of what's going on, the more I realize I can't run from it. I truly wish I could sometimes.

I do understand, if that helps. I'm here to listen and talk if that helps too.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I couldn't find my t office yesterday even though I have been there twice before. I fking couldn't find and missed my appointment. I drove around for 40 minutes looking for it. I don't know why the f no one helped me. My system is confusing me now. We knew where we were before we moved so we didn't get lost even if we hadn't been there before. Now sometimes when I am driving I don't remember seeing most of the ***** I am looking at. But I know I have moved to a new state. Just sometimes nothing looks like I have ever seen it before. Sometimes I believe I couldn't find my way back to NY. but I can. if I need to. Sometimes I just want to get in the car and drive off. leaving everything behind. why not. But my dog wouldn't like to be staying in the car and than who would I be. I just want to see my grandsons. I just want them to know I love them. and that I didn't leave them. I am furious right now for the position I am in. I want my life back. wtf happened. f everything.

before I was integrated this happened to me all the time. all through out my whole life I have a history of being the one who could forget how to get from one class to other in my childhood school years, forget how to make the evening meal or go to the store to get the evening meal, ...my whole life was full of situations of forgetfulness that went beyond what normal people went through.... my point it never bothered me and was never questioned by me or my alters or those around me. it was just my normal..

though I do have to say it did somewhat irritate me after I was integrated and it was still happening. but again it was more a situation of .... this is stupid you would think this would get better after I have all the memories of the others. ...

but then my treatment provider explained to me that even normal non dissociative people have times when they forget where they are going, how to get there, there is even a name for it when those who drive do it called highway hypnosis.

what helped me all my life with this problem even now after integration was/ is that just like normal people do, any time I had to go anywhere I call and ask for directions just in case,.. and I look at my map books, google maps and google earth, view the route and actually write out where I had to go and how to get there and distinguishing landmarks to look for. this way I dont get lost in my thoughts / head and forget how to get somewhere.

I cant help you with why this is happening to you now, why things have changed for you, but I can help you with a suggestion.... maybe you can do what I do... look at google maps and write out your route and in google earth follow that route in street view so that what your eyes see along the route will look more familiar, and also look for distinguishing "landmarks" and can help point you in the right direction,

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

before I was integrated this happened to me all the time. all through out my whole life I have a history of being the one who could forget how to get from one class to other in my childhood school years, forget how to make the evening meal or go to the store to get the evening meal, ...my whole life was full of situations of forgetfulness that went beyond what normal people went through.... my point it never bothered me and was never questioned by me or my alters or those around me. it was just my normal..

though I do have to say it did somewhat irritate me after I was integrated and it was still happening. but again it was more a situation of .... this is stupid you would think this would get better after I have all the memories of the others. ...

but then my treatment provider explained to me that even normal non dissociative people have times when they forget where they are going, how to get there, there is even a name for it when those who drive do it called highway hypnosis.

what helped me all my life with this problem even now after integration was/ is that just like normal people do, any time I had to go anywhere I call and ask for directions just in case,.. and I look at my map books, google maps and google earth, view the route and actually write out where I had to go and how to get there and distinguishing landmarks to look for. this way I dont get lost in my thoughts / head and forget how to get somewhere.

I cant help you with why this is happening to you now, why things have changed for you, but I can help you with a suggestion.... maybe you can do what I do... look at google maps and write out your route and in google earth follow that route in street view so that what your eyes see along the route will look more familiar, and also look for distinguishing "landmarks" and can help point you in the right direction,

The problem is that I was driving and not the one who makes the appointment and knows where the office is. I live 10 minutes drive from the office and spent 40 minutes driving in circles only to find out by the dr office I wasn't any where near the office. I could not see in my minds eye how to get there. No one was helping me. And the angrier I got the more the others pulled back. I did yell at everyone for not helping after I missed the appointment. I than explained to everyone that I was just upset. I have gotten lost before but this was different. I had no images of how to get to the office. None. Usually someone helps me see were we are going. Not all of us drive and the one who makes the appointment doesn't drive. She is too young and can't focus long enough to drive. I think part of the problem is I haven't a mental image of where I live yet. Most times I get places by picturing roads and land marks. I am not going to tell my t exactly why I got lost. I am not sure she believes in DID. That makes me no trust her.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

The problem is that I was driving and not the one who makes the appointment and knows where the office is. I live 10 minutes drive from the office and spent 40 minutes driving in circles only to find out by the dr office I wasn't any where near the office. I could not see in my minds eye how to get there. No one was helping me. And the angrier I got the more the others pulled back. I did yell at everyone for not helping after I missed the appointment. I than explained to everyone that I was just upset. I have gotten lost before but this was different. I had no images of how to get to the office. None. Usually someone helps me see were we are going. Not all of us drive and the one who makes the appointment doesn't drive. She is too young and can't focus long enough to drive. I think part of the problem is I haven't a mental image of where I live yet. Most times I get places by picturing roads and land marks. I am not going to tell my t exactly why I got lost. I am not sure she believes in DID. That makes me no trust her.

thats why I used google earth and google maps. and called for directions. I didnt have co consciousness with all the others. my co consciousness was extremely limited. so I had to depend upon my own self and so did the alters that were in control. everyone had to depend upon their own knowledge/ memories and such and if they did not contain the info needed they had to rely on external means. the good part about using google maps and google earth is you can actually see where you are going. the maps have a little yellow person that you click and drag to activate "street view" if you have alters that can use the computer and post here on psych central or write out directions and follow directions you can use google maps and google earth before your appointments to familiarize your self and your alters with the route and what it looks like traveling on the streets by going into street view. the little yellow person shows up when you scroll over to the + and - gage on the map (usually found in one of the corners of the maps)

I loved doing this because it didnt matter if the appointment was the next day or next week. I could "travel" the route from my home to my destination as many times as I needed on the maps so that when it came time to get to my appointments I knew what I was doing and where I was going no matter which frame of mind I was in and which alter was in control.

calling the place of the appointment the day before also helps to make sure I had the right address and didnt go to an old address or the wrong one. living in the city I do, treatment providers and health agencies frequently change addresses/ locations.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

thats why I used google earth and google maps. and called for directions. I didnt have co consciousness with all the others. my co consciousness was extremely limited. so I had to depend upon my own self and so did the alters that were in control. everyone had to depend upon their own knowledge/ memories and such and if they did not contain the info needed they had to rely on external means. the good part about using google maps and google earth is you can actually see where you are going. the maps have a little yellow person that you click and drag to activate "street view" if you have alters that can use the computer and post here on psych central or write out directions and follow directions you can use google maps and google earth before your appointments to familiarize your self and your alters with the route and what it looks like traveling on the streets by going into street view. the little yellow person shows up when you scroll over to the + and - gage on the map (usually found in one of the corners of the maps)

I loved doing this because it didnt matter if the appointment was the next day or next week. I could "travel" the route from my home to my destination as many times as I needed on the maps so that when it came time to get to my appointments I knew what I was doing and where I was going no matter which frame of mind I was in and which alter was in control.

calling the place of the appointment the day before also helps to make sure I had the right address and didnt go to an old address or the wrong one. living in the city I do, treatment providers and health agencies frequently change addresses/ locations.

I was using google on my phone but I couldn't remember the name of the street or what it was near. When I called the office they told me they are near Lowes. I'll remember that now. Thanks for the helpful words. I think what bothered me most is that that has never happened before. I gotten lost before but not blanked out so completely. I didn't like it.