[L.P.]

The teenage problems the other ones have been having, I mean. I think thats because of me. This is L.P. typin. I um. I knew for awhile it was time for me to grow up. I mean literal grow up. I was around when we were an actual kid. Then I went away. Then I came back and I dont why but why dont matter. I came back. And I came back little. Then I grew up some. Not a lot but some. It felt like a lot. I wasnt done growin and I knew that. It felt like this major pull inside me and it was my fate and what I was meant to do. I didnt want to grow up that bummed me out. To be honest it did more then that. But I had to. So I did. I dont know how this happened but it had to and it did. Progress, right? Progress hurts like a @*$#*

I'm caught between wantin to cry my eyes out and punch somebody in the face. I know this isnt forever this me havin to catch up real fast from goin from seven or whatever I was to someteen whatever I am now. I gotta be knockin everybody else in my head around with all this. I know it. This is to much a coincidence to be one. I get to bein a teen they get to stressin bein a teen. I know they arent mad at me. Im not mad at me either.

I been thinkin how part of bein a teenager is figurin out who you are as a person. You do things try things and learn about you the whole time. None of us ever did that before. Not even the ones who was livin life as teenagers when we were one. Not the teens we got now in this adult life. None of us. So I gotta wonder if me bein a teen and knowin I had to do that was so we could do that figure out part of life we never got to do. That makes me feel like that guy who had the world on his shoulders, Atlas? Thats a lot of pressure. What if I drop the ball? What if I cant do it? I know Im not alone in this. Clearly huh? I got DID. Lol. Im not tryin to laugh but Im tryin not to cry. Right now, this isnt forever. I know I gotta get used to this is all. Just like how the last time I grew up some it was hard but I felt better after I got to be able to help more and be good for somethin. I never was good for much when I was real little and that made me feel like a useless sack of @#*& only makin problems for other people to clean up. I dont want to be a problem and I want to do my part in this. I gotta settle in my skin is all. Im tryin. This is a lot. I felt better before once I got used to bein older. It takes time. I'll be better once I got some time in like this. Im not there yet. I'll get there.

Growin up when I live in a grown up body. Id laugh myself stupid if I could thinkin about that. Life is weird.

Hi L.P.

Growing up sure sounds like progress to me.You can do this though and you will eventually adjust.It just takes time.Before long it will just feel natural.Kind of like getting new jeans and at first they're uncomfortable but after you wear them awhile they just feel as smooth as skin on you.

And maybe the teenage problems the others are having isn't your fault but you just feel like it is?Can you explain more what you mean?

Hang in there.

[L.P.]

Hey thanks. This all has me screwed up in the head. I bet it will for awhile until this gets to be the new normal. I dont remember how long it took me last time until new normal felt normal. It'll happen. Changes come.

What I mean about their teenage problems is how NikNak and them have been remembering things they thought they were done remembering or got over. But they got to looking at it all different. Then they got to remembering things they forgot about. Then theres all the stuff about dreams of that one school and other things that arent serious things but its like they been half pulled back in time to teen years. Its been eatin at more ten NiKKi but she's my sis. I feel like an ahole for puttin this on her. First day big brother? Epic failure. Shes been a good big sis.

She's not mad at me. Im mad at me for that. I yelled at V today to. She didnt mean me harm and she was tryin to help but she was in my head talkin and that pissed me right off. Get out my head. I was yellin at her. I know shes not mad at me either. She gets it she dont thoroughly enjoy havin us up in her head all the time either when shes not doin fine. Tell you what, I got a new appreciation for Gwen. I used to tease her when shed get stressed about us all makin noise inside. I been humbled, Gwen. Sorry for before.

Did I clear it up r make it worse? Lol. I think it has to be me makin everybody else have this memory and go back in time things happen because of me age jumpin how I did. I feel about the same age as I would have been if I was around for those years. Those years they have been gettin stuck in or stuck on. I cant ignore how coincidental that seems to be.

[L.P.]

Hi L.P. its me NiKKi look at me talkin to myself huh? Haha. You now what? You not a bad big brother no way. You gonna be a good one i know it n then i'll be the brat little sister who gets on your nerves what when i want a candy bar so you better get e a candy bar. Haha. Thanks for sayin how i been a good big sis to cuz i sure aint been feelin that one. I tried but i didnt always do good of a job as i coulda. You know what to? Them remember bits been comin a long time before you went to that bench. Know what i think? I think this just had to happen. I dont think its your fault or Tays or Vedas or Harmonys either. I think we just gotta get to takin this next step is all. Its scary but we can do it. I think you just grow up to cuz you were ready. Im proud of you for that. I think we all ready to take this next step to just like how you ready to grow. It aint nobodys fault. Its scary but its a good thing. Thats what i think.

NiKKi who wants a candy bar

I have always felt that growing up is a culmination of time and life experiences. Some alters are frozen in time while others claim to have sliders...idk.

I feel alters that are out more then others mature while the ones that present less mature slowly. Our mains that are mature from 20's to 30's while the youngers stay youger because they are in the most.

I only say this because when I was 8...we had no 20-30 year olds in here....now we do.