[TrailRunner14]

Has anyone else had the experience that your body was too big/grown/too mature for you?

I know I'm in a "place" right now, but it would feel good to know that someone else has felt/seen this.

I've worked through some things in the past few weeks. I truly feel little and much younger, inside. I look down at my body and it doesn't look like it is mine. It's too old.

It's mine, I know that, but it doesn't fit with where I'm at. I don't have the words to make this make sense.

Anybody?

Time is off and I don't know..........

I think I read too much of my book that made it too real to me, too much at one time.

Maybe?

Rambling........

[TrailRunner14]

Another question.

Is it important for you to understand what is happening with you internally and what you are experiencing, or is it more important to you to find peace and diffuse it?

I'm not sure if that made sense or not. I have an analytical part that feels like it HAS to make sense of this and figure it out. It's like a machine that terrorizes the other parts of me.

Just curious. This is a very hard place!!

Thank you for hearing me.

[ruh roh]

Yes. Absolutely to the first question. And it results in a lot of bumping into things too, from misjudging body size.

For the second question, I would say that understanding what is happening leads to finding peace, so they're connected. For me, it starts with understanding and exploring who is upset and why, so that we can get to specifically what will help them. When it works, there is immediate calming down.

Can your analytical part shift to being curious and exploratory? That might help open things up more in an inviting way, rather than a critical way. Just a thought.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

Yes. Absolutely to the first question. And it results in a lot of bumping into things too, from misjudging body size.

For the second question, I would say that understanding what is happening leads to finding peace, so they're connected. For me, it starts with understanding and exploring who is upset and why, so that we can get to specifically what will help them. When it works, there is immediate calming down.

Can your analytical part shift to being curious and exploratory? That might help open things up more in an inviting way, rather than a critical way. Just a thought.

Thank you! I have to be honest and say that I woke up this morning with a vague feeling that I had posted that, and left it this time. I have started threads before and deleted them. I guess this time, it wanted to be heard.

I understand about the bumping into things too. It makes me off balance and a super clutz.

Analytical means no harm. It's just looking for answers and hopefully peace with the answers. It just doesn't know how to pace itself. I think I need to help it learn limits on how much information is tolerable at one time. I'm having a hard time doing that. It's a strong part of me and when I start reading and things start making some sense, it pretty much steps in. It is curious and loves to find answers. I just gets carried away and takes the rest of me away too.

I don't want to put the book up, but I'm not really sure how to handle pacing myself and analytical.

[yagr]

Hi TR,

Yes, the body is all wrong for too many. In fact, I just PM'd you about an experience with an alter agreeing to e-mail our T but not talk to her. She hates her voice as it comes out of this body and doesn't want to talk - at least not now. That isn't exactly what you are talking about I don't think, but it seems to be related some.

As for your second point, I agree with ruh roh that for me, understanding leads to peace. We were in session two weeks ago and I remarked that it amazes me how Sonseearae accepts things so easily without understanding them - and she switch slapped me immediately and quipped, "And it amazes me how it is so hard for Angel to accept things until he understands them!" At which point my therapists tea came out her nose.

All the time.
and,
like another poster said, i am always bumping into things, getting hurt, because i cant accurately judge my body size.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by yagr

Hi TR,

Yes, the body is all wrong for too many. In fact, I just PM'd you about an experience with an alter agreeing to e-mail our T but not talk to her. She hates her voice as it comes out of this body and doesn't want to talk - at least not now. That isn't exactly what you are talking about I don't think, but it seems to be related some.

As for your second point, I agree with ruh roh that for me, understanding leads to peace. We were in session two weeks ago and I remarked that it amazes me how Sonseearae accepts things so easily without understanding them - and she switch slapped me immediately and quipped, "And it amazes me how it is so hard for Angel to accept things until he understands them!" At which point my therapists tea came out her nose.

My counselor and I were talking about the critic part of me. Piecing it together, I remember him asking me what the critic thought of me feeling stupid. The critic "slapped" me back with "because you are stupid." For some strange reason we both laughed out loud and truly thought it was funny. We both, my counselor and I, agreed that I am NOT stupid.

I guess it was one of those things where you had to be there. It was funny, but maybe it was more truthful and more revealing of the critic.

I do have to say that the critic is not a bad person. It's been on the job overtime for a long time. I'm looking to give it a more rewarding job somehow.

I'd like to teach it that we don't treat people we love with words like that.

Work in progress.

[anais_anais]

I have that problem too, always bruises all over with no idea how I got them. I bump into doorways a lot, or can't find the stair rail, or miss my mouth and dump my water glass down my shirt... people just think I'm scatterbrained or have crap depth perception. On very bad days I used to have to feel things out while moving around my apartment.

I was getting tests for all sorts of neurological stuff before we figured out what was up.

And I very desperately wanted firm answers for what was going on. Now that I get that "what is going on" is something I created, I have an easier time accepting the things that come up, that they must have some sort of protective function.

All the time...it's even the wrong sex.

It's like were in a constant state of dissociation, like dp/dr. The body feels like a shell that works by invisible thought commands. It never feels like I'm doing the things it does.

Oh, and looking in the mirror is just horrible.

This is the way it's always been and have grown to accept it somewhat but still hate it.

I know that it's because of DID and that it will never change....doomed to endure.

I get these cuts and sores that I have no clue from where, how, when, and why sometimes.