[childofchaos831]

So, basic gist is had to get sutures (from SH) Monday and again today (Wednesday).

We have PT tomorrow... had an appt Monday, and then the day got worse. Been having very vivid flashbacks and body memories, lots of dissociation and time loss.

At the end of the appt (usually, sometimes at the beginning), they do massage. Monday, the guy checked the muscles and tendons in our arms, cuz of fibromyalgia joint pain, to make sure it wasn't anything else. We know he saw scars and some minor, recent stuff.

We are worried about staying present, and not completely losing it during the appt. Not sure how to stay grounded. Gonna take our fidget cube and AA desire chip. Both help with tactile grounding a little, but any help/advice welcome.

[Amyjay]

It seems like you and your T need to focus on grounding work and current safety and back off from trauma work?? It generally isn't safe to do trauma work if it is destabilizing. Current safety is paramount. If you prioritize developing healthy coping strategies before getting into trauma work it should help. Trauma work will not be helpful at all if it activates self harm.

[childofchaos831]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

It seems like you and your T need to focus on grounding work and current safety and back off from trauma work?? It generally isn't safe to do trauma work if it is destabilizing. Current safety is paramount. If you prioritize developing healthy coping strategies before getting into trauma work it should help. Trauma work will not be helpful at all if it activates self harm.

Thank you. I sometimes have a hard time expressing what I need, with T or even just with friends. Telling her that I need to work on that is hard, it's scary, I don't want to seem weak or vulnerable. But I know you are right. I see her in a week, maybe I'll try writing it down, so I can just hand it to her...

[dlantern]

I'm very much into to asking the system for stability. As if it isn't enough to be suffering. I totally hate it as a attempt to keep us overwhelmed with suffering like we are all go with associating trauma memories. Ask for those calm keep your self at most present moments.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

Thank you. I sometimes have a hard time expressing what I need, with T or even just with friends. Telling her that I need to work on that is hard, it's scary, I don't want to seem weak or vulnerable. But I know you are right. I see her in a week, maybe I'll try writing it down, so I can just hand it to her...

Oh, on the contrary, it isn't "weak" in any sense of the word. It is therapeutically recommended to stick with safety and grounding until trauma work can proceed safely. Instead of being "weak" it is self supportive; respectful; healing and loving.

[childofchaos831]

So... my appt yesterday... The doc, who usually checks in every couple weeks, pulled me into one of the small exam rooms.

He wanted to just chat about the SH, and be sure I had a pdoc and such... he had seen (or been told and then seen, cuz I had to get staples on the 28th, which was messing with the use of that arm) recent SH.

I'm beyond scared to go back.

He mentioned APS, and that he wouldn't want to call them without my okay, but he is ethically responsible to make sure I am okay.

Then, me being stupid, SHed again after the appt cuz I was freaking out. Superficial, but still very visible.

I really just want to (need?) SH more... I mean, there are already some there, what's a few more, so my brain says...

I don't know what would happen if I just cancelled Monday's appt...