I think come Monday we are fired.

This guy that keeps underbreath cussing and mocking and intimidating us for months after the boss told us to quit or be fired shouldered us in the hallway....that triggered the Angry One in the main office!!!! of course the enemy acted like Mr Innocent while we were acting out......

It's horrible to sit at the side watching an Other flush your immediate life down the toilet just because he got triggered.....only if....

Nobody knows about DID (only on HBO).....

We are stressed. We are switching hard....fighting to tears...

Then our son gets broadsided at an intersection right after work totalling his car and putting his girlfriend and him in the hospital, they both are aching hard but are alright while the car is totaled.

We tried to do our Saturday work but couldn't...nerves are too frazzled...

It's....too....much.....alcohol.

Times like this is just a waiting game to see the end result to pick up the pieces and try going again.

I am sorry that you are going through this.

I am curious if you have considered the possibility that you aren't stable enough to have a job at the moment. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you are being triggered too often and are not currently capable of working. Have you considered decreasing your hours, finding a less stressful job, or going on disability?

Also, are you in therapy? I know that it takes several years of good therapy to address DID-related issues. It might not hurt to take time off and focus on your mental health first.

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

I am sorry that you are going through this.

I am curious if you have considered the possibility that you aren't stable enough to have a job at the moment. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you are being triggered too often and are not currently capable of working. Have you considered decreasing your hours, finding a less stressful job, or going on disability?

Also, are you in therapy? I know that it takes several years of good therapy to address DID-related issues. It might not hurt to take time off and focus on your mental health first.

You know, thank you....but the damn bills keep showing up in the mailbox, the dog keeps *****ing about how hungry she is,....my tummy growls from hunger....no rest for the weary and afflicted. Insurance is crap, too.

Just waiting.

I am not sure how things work where you live, but if you were here in Canada I'd suggest going on welfare or collecting employment insurance while you apply for disability and during the waiting time. I am not sure how your location works but is there some sort of welfare-type social program you can go on, or employment insurance you can collect, while waiting for a reply from disability? With a diagnosis like DID and if you have good psych referrals you have a good chance of being accepted, I think.

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

I am not sure how things work where you live, but if you were here in Canada I'd suggest going on welfare or collecting employment insurance while you apply for disability and during the waiting time. I am not sure how your location works but is there some sort of welfare-type social program you can go on, or employment insurance you can collect, while waiting for a reply from disability? With a diagnosis like DID and if you have good psych referrals you have a good chance of being accepted, I think.

Southern USA.....bottom 10 states for mental health care...disability denied.....gotta work.....insurance in limbo....bipolar no mental care support....obama/trump care?......work insurance a sham cover up.

Set cruise control....close eyes....and see what happens until next time.

We are quite the drifter....

[Amyjay]

It makes my heart ache to hear that you suffer from hunger, a lack of one of the most basic of human needs, whilst living in a first world country... on top of everything else that makes life extra challenging. Praying for you...

Originally Posted by Amyjay

It makes my heart ache to hear that you suffer from hunger, a lack of one of the most basic of human needs, whilst living in a first world country... on top of everything else that makes life extra challenging. Praying for you...

Omg...thank you...but not so....(ooops). We have to work to pay bills and buy food, feed the dog....so can't time off regardless of physical/mental malady. No money....no food...

Thank God we can, but there are other ways.....but basic earned needs are a blessing.

Living check to check...

If fired....gotta get another job.....even though being homeless is just another camping trip....been there done that.

Luv. .

I keep editing. Physical needs first.....mental needs whenever if possible.

[Solnutty]

My heart goes out to you!

[Solnutty]

Does it help if I tell you I'm praying for you?

[elevatedsoul]

i totally get it... do you think the drinking causes more switching?

i know i've come to the point where im tired of drinking really, i just like drugs ....
i mean yesterday i drank 1 24 oz mikes harder lemonade thing just because everyone else was drinkin but i was doin my own thing...
the alcohol seems to make things worse for me in ways... plus its expensive and takes away my money for my other stuff lol, like i can use that money to get stuff that will last hours longer with less side effects that has a lot higher efficacy and potency and its just so much better for me...

but then again im not saying i have d.i.d. either so dont get me wrong, im not sayin any of that no no no

its just that i've had an up and down battle with alcohol my entire life since around 12 years old... and i think im really just growing tired of it and hopefully this time ill stay tired... cause i like saving money and spending it on drugs instead lol

alcohol used to help... in the beginning... but then its like, in itself it became a trigger because i trigger myself so much since my tolerance became so high you know

plus when you get to drinkin and have half a buzz and start arguing and fighting with yourself it gets nasty... no fun drunk fighting with yourself... i end up cutting or self harm or whatever and then crying because i furked up again...

have you looked into those online therapy things? i dunno the prices on them but maybe they are cheaper? not too sure... but sometimes having someone that we can talk to is just really helpful... just talking to someone that gets it relieves a lot of pressure... having someone that understands makes us feel much better...
a weight can be lifted, that dreadful weight of feeling so alone...

i know i hate trying to talk about things because the fear of no one getting it, but when someone finally does understand (because i've been in 'who gives a damn' mode) it makes me feel better...

we're here for you, i'm sorry that these things keep happening to you... people are jackoffs and so inconsiderate, i just want to rip their heads off and shuv them up their own asses sometimes so they can see all the **** they are full of you know

but you know people like us are really strong because of all the **** that we have been through, so screw them, they are just weak and scared and dont know anything thats why they go around laughing behind our backs and making fun of other peoples illnesses ... because they just dont know anything so they feel like they gotta make fun of others to make themselves look big and better, smart, because they stupid, but it makes them look even more stupid to do that **** but they dont realize it... only us smart ones that actually been through the real crap can see how stupid they really are you know what i mean

just **** em, we dont need them... we got each other

Originally Posted by Solnutty

Does it help if I tell you I'm praying for you?

It does, thank you very much.

I think we are going to disclose our condition to help sway an ounce of understanding for us. We already told an office manager and she was like wow, okay, whatever....not staring at me in fear.... which makes it easier, I guess...

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

i totally get it... do you think the drinking causes more switching?

i know i've come to the point where im tired of drinking really, i just like drugs ....
i mean yesterday i drank 1 24 oz mikes harder lemonade thing just because everyone else was drinkin but i was doin my own thing...
the alcohol seems to make things worse for me in ways... plus its expensive and takes away my money for my other stuff lol, like i can use that money to get stuff that will last hours longer with less side effects that has a lot higher efficacy and potency and its just so much better for me...

but then again im not saying i have d.i.d. either so dont get me wrong, im not sayin any of that no no no

its just that i've had an up and down battle with alcohol my entire life since around 12 years old... and i think im really just growing tired of it and hopefully this time ill stay tired... cause i like saving money and spending it on drugs instead lol

alcohol used to help... in the beginning... but then its like, in itself it became a trigger because i trigger myself so much since my tolerance became so high you know

plus when you get to drinkin and have half a buzz and start arguing and fighting with yourself it gets nasty... no fun drunk fighting with yourself... i end up cutting or self harm or whatever and then crying because i furked up again...

have you looked into those online therapy things? i dunno the prices on them but maybe they are cheaper? not too sure... but sometimes having someone that we can talk to is just really helpful... just talking to someone that gets it relieves a lot of pressure... having someone that understands makes us feel much better...
a weight can be lifted, that dreadful weight of feeling so alone...

i know i hate trying to talk about things because the fear of no one getting it, but when someone finally does understand (because i've been in 'who gives a damn' mode) it makes me feel better...

we're here for you, i'm sorry that these things keep happening to you... people are jackoffs and so inconsiderate, i just want to rip their heads off and shuv them up their own asses sometimes so they can see all the **** they are full of you know

but you know people like us are really strong because of all the **** that we have been through, so screw them, they are just weak and scared and dont know anything thats why they go around laughing behind our backs and making fun of other peoples illnesses ... because they just dont know anything so they feel like they gotta make fun of others to make themselves look big and better, smart, because they stupid, but it makes them look even more stupid to do that **** but they dont realize it... only us smart ones that actually been through the real crap can see how stupid they really are you know what i mean

just **** em, we dont need them... we got each other

Does drinking cause more switching? No....we switch anyways. Maybe we do things that creates situations in which an Other needs to present to deal with which normally we wouldn't have too if we weren't drinking, I'd have to say yes to that. Like doing something dumb and fun gets a situation intense in authority entanglements causing a more serious alter to present to handle the public relations aspects, legalities and such.

But for the most part, we just get drunk, especially now faster that the med dosages aren't maxed out.

Thank you for your kind words and sayings.....it'll all be okay. I don't know our original post...but it's going to be alright.

[elevatedsoul]

i just dont have as much fun drinking anymore...
but this happens to me every so often... i'll hit a phase where i dont really drink much for a year or so, its all gravy baby

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

i just dont have as much fun drinking anymore...
but this happens to me every so often... i'll hit a phase where i dont really drink much for a year or so, its all gravy baby

That George Thorogood song "I drink alone"....(I drink by myself)...

Is not true in my world!

[elevatedsoul]

good song though, it wasnt long ago like.. i cant remember how long ago... a week .. maybe a few days ago and i was drinking pretty good... but i just dont really like drinking...

do you ever feel fickle?
or should i say any of ya

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

good song though, it wasnt long ago like.. i cant remember how long ago... a week .. maybe a few days ago and i was drinking pretty good... but i just dont really like drinking...

do you ever feel fickle?
or should i say any of ya

We are who we are....yes we have a knit picking stress junkie....but as a system we voted to be as less stressfull as ever if possible: nonaggresive, confrontational, meek...it keeps us safe...unless you piss off Pissed....then uh-oh...

[elevatedsoul]

well i just meant by fickle like... ever changing... a candle light flickering in the wind with the bodies "mission" changing with the wind and desire changing with the light

cause i really wanted to drink not long ago, but then its like you just open your eyes and the taste is gone... ew.. i dont want that stuff, i just want some weed or some coke, know what i mean? but im sure that i wouldn't drink it if i didnt like it at some point.. so it just makes me feel fickle, im not concrete and feel really... i just dunno how to explain myself yet

oh im definitely, meek... definitely.. i dont like problems or confrontations, i just want to be easy going and problem free
no drama over here please, been there done that! my names ben it and i aint in it!

i just have different sides to my personality ... so it depends what side you talk to i guess...

[elevatedsoul]

😍😍😍😍😍😘😘😏

[dancinglady]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Omg...thank you...but not so....(ooops). We have to work to pay bills and buy food, feed the dog....so can't time off regardless of physical/mental malady. No money....no food...

Thank God we can, but there are other ways.....but basic earned needs are a blessing.

Living check to check...

If fired....gotta get another job.....even though being homeless is just another camping trip....been there done that.

Luv. .

I keep editing. Physical needs first.....mental needs whenever if possible.

I too live in the south. Go to mental health and get a case manager. There are resources galore.

[LILYANNEMARIE]

Originally Posted by dancinglady

I too live in the south. Go to mental health and get a case manager. There are resources galore.

Please tell me where there are "true" resources galore" please. Our mental health case managers just want you to take hi levels of medications, I am a Special Education Teacher of about 30 precious students that are my responsibility, I can't be sleepy or loopy while I'm trying to teach my students to read or write or learn their numbers.

Once a few months ago, when I was having a severe anxiety, depression, bipolar attack. I had no one to call and I was committed to taking my life. No note, no phone calls. Just get it over with. Then I thought about calling this HotLine. All I can say is that it was a joke. I don't know who felt better, me or the other. He didn't say anything to me I hadn't already heard!!! It was just the same **** I heard from my dr's, teacher friends, john, and other family members. I've had so many things go wrong with life over my last few years. I'm just ready for it to all be over.

I was diagnosed with Manic-Depressive Bipolar Disorder, with "Extremely High sexuality Disorder"in 1915. I've always know I was different, very emotional, craving love, I masterbated daily, many days three and four times. I knew a great deal about sex, how to Please and be pleased.

I'm sure this is way too much information in this blog spot.