[Michael W. Harris]

I have an appointment at the VA with a Psychologist or a Social Worker. I am going to see if they will do psycho-therapy with me.

I went to the SATT program here from 2005 to 2012. Substance Abuse Treatment Team. I told them all those years that I had a dissociative disorder and they did nothing for me. You would think one of the mental health professionals could go online and read up on it or just read the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of Mental Illness so that they could talk to me about it but they never did. I will not switch in front of them usually and even if I did they would not be able to recognize it as a different personality. (Technically you might call what is happening to me as "fugue states" as opposed to "alter personalities" but it is still a dissociative disorder. I am fairly sure I have full alters along with the fugue states.)

Anyway, I desperately need someone to do therapy with and I am nervous about what they will say. When I first got back into the domiciliary I slept good but the last week or so my grief pain and anxiety have come back. The meds are not helping me and I don't see the pdoc until the 28th. I need some good meds for the next year at least.

[Amyjay]

Good luck with your appointment. I hope they are able to help you with what you are looking for.

[jackheily4]

Welcome the community. All the best!

[TrailRunner14]

I hope they hear you and understand what you are trying to explain.

Is there anything you could do to help self calm and ground yourself?

Books? Music? Drawing? I love to color when I feel anxious. It helps to calm me.

I pray you find the answers you need!

There is actually a coloring app that I downloaded on my phone. It's not like really coloring but it does help to calm me.

[Michael W. Harris]

Dr. Delgado put me on Topiramate, supposedly a mood drug and a suppressant for beer. When my anxiety increased recently due to my grief pain (it is irrational now from the dissociative disorder or the borderline personality disorder but I cannot control it and it is devastating) I got him to increase the dosage. Since then I have been up all night long going to the bathroom every hour. So this morning I told the nurses I was going to stop taking it. Dr. Delgado has known me for ten years. For ten years I told him that I had a dissociative disorder. They have given me a borderline personality disorder diagnosis. Both of these disorders involve childhood trauma. You would think he would know exactly what drug I would need to stop this type of anxiety. I see him again on the 28th. This time I am going to be aggressive. Next I will demand a different pdoc.

P.S. My Mom's people were from Mississippi, Trailrunner.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Michael W. Harris

Dr. Delgado put me on Topiramate, supposedly a mood drug and a suppressant for beer. When my anxiety increased recently due to my grief pain (it is irrational now from the dissociative disorder or the borderline personality disorder but I cannot control it and it is devastating) I got him to increase the dosage. Since then I have been up all night long going to the bathroom every hour. So this morning I told the nurses I was going to stop taking it. Dr. Delgado has known me for ten years. For ten years I told him that I had a dissociative disorder. They have given me a borderline personality disorder diagnosis. Both of these disorders involve childhood trauma. You would think he would know exactly what drug I would need to stop this type of anxiety. I see him again on the 28th. This time I am going to be aggressive. Next I will demand a different pdoc.

P.S. My Mom's people were from Mississippi, Trailrunner.

Well.....

We have a kindred spirit then, in more ways than one!

I hope you find the relief you need for now, and the people who understand what you are walking through.

It will take time, and I know, I want to do the eye roll thing at that too.

It's going to be ok.

I believe that for you and for me too!

[Michael W. Harris]

Well I went to my appointment today and meet the Psychologist. I am pretty sure I had met her before I moved to Athens last year although I did not bring it up in this session. She is going to do psycho-therapy with me. I told her a brief history of my efforts to get mental health treatment.

I told her that I was having extreme emotional/grief pain over my sister up in Athens, Georgia. I told her it was unbearable and that I needed serious help from her. I started to break down. I asked her is she would advocate for me with my psychiatrist to make him understand how serious my emotional state has deteriorated so that he can put me on the appropriate medications. She said she would.

I grieve because I let life go by and I did not call or write my sister at all. Of course I did not call or write anyone at all except my Mom. That is why I have been alone my whole life. But Julie believes it is because I did not love her. I just wrote her two long letters explaining that when I was ten years old, the year she was born, I already had a serious dissociative disorder and borderline personality disorder. I was totally undeveloped psychologically and emotionally. Things got worse into my teenage years and did not get better until I went into the Army. If I had had sane parents these things would have been recognized at the time but I had emotionally ill parents. After the Army, college, wives, work, the struggle to do all the normal things that people do while being seriously mentally damaged, without knowing it, took all my focus and life slipped by. So now I am grieving that I lost my sister in the process.