[Michael W. Harris]

Some of you have referred me to some books recently. They look like extremely good books. I wish I could get them. First is the financial thing. I do not want to use my credit card anymore because I am going to have to cut it up in the near future do to poverty. Secondly, I am tired. It is my opinion now that it is the mental health professionals job to read these books and know how to help me.

Ninety percent of my problem is not having people in my life from childhood to the present, who knew how to communicate sanely. If my parents had communicated with their children sanely most of our problems would have been recognized during childhood. Communication and sensitivity from the parents probably could have cured/solved many of the emotional problems associated with borderline personality disorder and ,even, dissociative disorder.

But, I believe now that both my parents had borderline personality disorder to some degree. I know that they had some personality disorder and emotional problems from growing up in dysfunctional families. (I know my Mom had a dissociative disorder.) That is where they learned their parenting and communication skills, which caused their childrens' emotional problems.

My parents tried their best. They were good people. Dad was very financially generous to his children. His main sin was that he did not parent at all and Mom's parenting skills damaged all her children by the time they were three years old. Mom had no sensitivity for toddlers' feelings or emotions.

I am still having serious grief issues currently over all this. Knowledge and understanding that comes too late in life to fix anything. I cannot get my life back or my sisters life back now. That is why the thought of reading these books gets me extremely upset.

I dont read books anymore because by the time I got to the bottom of the page....it's hours later and what the previous sentence is about is lost.

[just2b]

Can't leave it up to professionals. I believe I am the expert on my mental health they are there to guide support and listen.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by just2b

Can't leave it up to professionals. I believe I am the expert on my mental health they are there to guide support and listen.

I have to agree. I see a professional and she is good at her job but even she cannot "fix" me. they can only guide and support self development as I see it. And plenty of self development can happen without a professional there for support.
Reading those books will help you much more than not reading them will. If you cant afford them go online to amazon dot com and use the "look inside" feature. you can read quite a bit that way.

[Michael W. Harris]

When I first started seeking treatment in 1992 I was referred to Dr. Colin Ross's book by Dr. Penny Gardberg, a PHD Clinical Psychologist. I don't know why she did not read the book! After that I bought all the books on dissociative disorders that I could find. I even bought the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel on Mental Illness.

From 1992 until the present, none of the mental health professionals that I paid would talk to me about dissociative disorders. There is something extremely wrong with this. I have contacted both the Justice Department in Washington and Medical Malpractice Attorneys over this issue. If the mental illness is in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel, there is something wrong when a mental health professional will not discuss it. That is what I told the lawyers.

It was this behavior by the professionals that I was paying that caused me to eventually have a total mental breakdown. Dr. Colin Ross wrote in his book, that when someone like me realizes that these symptoms are occurring, but they cannot get to a professional who understands, without help their mental health condition will deteriorate to the point of a mental breakdown or collapse. That is what happened to me.

Now I live with fear and paranoia daily. I don't trust the mental health professionals at this VA but I have no choice but to go to them.

[Michael W. Harris]

Another point: If I have to read books and cure myself, I should only have to pay psychologists and psychiatrists $5.00 per hour!

[amandalouise]

thank you for telling us you are no longer reading books and do not want book suggestions.... the thing is that there are thousands of members here with all kinds of mental problems... some of which comes with memory problems... my point I cant promise i wont suggest a book to you simply because there are so many members and I cant remember who wants and dont want a hug or smile or book suggestion or .... well you get the point...

I have noticed that some members put in their signatures things like

no hugs please, no thanks please....

my point maybe you can place in your signature that you do not want book suggestions. this way anyone who is reading .....any..... of your posts anywhere on the forums will know not to suggest a book to you as a reply to your posts. it could help those that cant keep thousands of members wishes straight on who wants this or that and who doesnt.

[dlantern]

Books, yes I understand ur phase is ur phase....We had blame parents phase as well. At the end of the day, your book reading phase is going to help you manage between sesions!

[Michael W. Harris]

I am not mad because you guys recommended books to me. I think that I would actually benefit from reading those books. But... I have already read many books on dissociative disorders and I should have found a professional by now who could carry on a conversation with me about the long term mental health issues from childhood trauma.

What I have witnessed in many professions in this County, and the legal profession is the worst abuser, is that people try to complicate issues to make more money off other people.

Mental health patients should have the same rights as medical patients. We should be protected from incompetence and corruption.

I prefer to not watch or read anything on DID in fears of manifesting what is read or seen. I mean we did the scientific theological investigation....but movies and interviews....I desire to keep us genuine without media infiltration....if that makes sense.

We are very impressionable and don't want to pollute our behavior.....it also keeps the deniers in check.

[dlantern]

They ain't trying to be ur colleleague then they'd be like that Doctor on Dateline luring somebody vulnerable then Dr claiming he don't know him self. A form of therapist abuse! Had u actually got books or is this the long way to ask, research is also a great way to manage.

[dlantern]

Thought skipp denier dont have to speak out da mouth if they do then it has evidenced find out why go into the script again because u dont want someone to take it upon themselves and set it up with removal of dx's especially if ssdi is what u all are on. Find reasons to be okay with everything or use years so that folks wont get confused. As fine as we are u cant get cameras to prove what we do as much as some of would like for u all to be in our lives in that way it just aint going to happen!

U get what we can get to about our lives or we knocking down doors to share it all .....Bottom line is ur should validate and educate educate only if u really know.

[Michael W. Harris]

Another point about this issue. I have decided to let it go now. I am in a facility which will take care of me the rest of my life. This VA Clinic will take care of my physical health and mental health for the most part. I will never have a significant other again. I will never work again. So I have decided to let it all go. My dissociative disorder and borderline personality disorder will not affect my life here. My therapy will be for the most part posting on this board and going to psycho-therapy at the VA.

If the sadness and the grief pain get too extreme (That is really what causes my anxiety. Emotional pain that makes you feel like your guts are being ripped out.) I will have the pdoc medicated me.