[elevatedsoul]

my memory is getting worse... forgetting peoples names...
diagnosis...
medications names.. doctors names...
places... directions...
foods... lots of things...

i dont know what to make of it because i have always had a bad memory...
but i am going through a lot and am in a bad place right now because im going through things i dont want to go through anymore and am stressed but at a point of giving up...

im just wondering if my dissociation symptoms could cause my memory to slip like this or if its something more...

it makes me feel really bad when i am talking to someone that is part of the family that i havent spoken to for a couple of months and i am trying really hard to remember her name but cant and have to wait for someone to come in the room and call her by name, or when i am in the doctors office and they are asking me questions about my diagnosis or medications and i cant give them the information because i cant remember or when i am just trying to have a conversation about something general and have to give up because i cant recall and feel upset... all the while trying to hide it because its really messed up that i have such a hard time with my memory... i have to make jokes about my memory and laugh it off... people make jokes about my memory all the time too...

i dont know anyone that has so much problem with their memory as i do...
i dunno what to do about it... i've tried to tell the clinic but they dont understand how bad it is i think..

[Michael W. Harris]

There are many factors in memory loss. For those of us with a dissociative disorder, we always had memory loss problems. Why was it not recognized in childhood? The dysfunctional family did not have sane communication skills. In order to diagnose memory loss/amnesia people have to communicate with you sanely and not assume things.

I am sixty-two now. So my memory problems have to do with age and alcohol abuse now along with dissociation. I was alone most of my adult life. Isolation also promotes memory problems. If you don't have people around you most of the time to keep you grounded and to help you remember things, you can lose memories. Thinking about this brings my grief pain back. Regrets. Regrets.

If my family had communicated with me appropriately most of my mental health problems would have been recognized in childhood. The best solution for you is to let other people know that you are having memory problems. Tell your loved ones. Tell your mental health caretakers. Ask them to help you remember things. Ask them to help keep you grounded.

I always had a bad memory...but got worse after our young adult years being a devout alcoholic/addict. Weed though makes my mind a sieve. Speed makes me sharp, but after a day it goes to sleep.

I just accept it, no need stressing on it because it can't be fixed (49 now).

I use my iphone as a personal assistant or extra memory.

[Fuzzybear]

[amandalouise]

my suggestion is quit doing the drugs and alcohol that you have posted you were doing (weed/ cocaine/ meth....)

one thing you might not know is dissociative forgetfulness is different than things that even normal people forget like their meds, names, places diagnosis's ....especially if there are many meds, names, places, diagnosis's involved. dissociative forgetfulness is a special kind of forgetfulness and theres more involved then what you will find on the internet with your researching (incase you are back into researching again)

another suggestion when I cant remember things due to my physical and mental health problems I write things down. when its time to go to the doctors go through your medications and write down what they are and what the dosages are. (or you can just tell the treatment provider to look in their files. they will already have that list in your files)

suddenly not remembering family members names and getting worse comes with many physical health problems not dissociative problems. for this you will need to contact your treatment providers who can order some physical health tests like drug and alcohol testing, blood tests and more.

I dont know what else to tell you because every time your treatment providers get you stable and on track and on the right treatment plans you throw it off with things like quitting treatment, and doing drugs and alcohol... yes I know you will be able to come up with lots of reasons why you do this but the bottom line is if you want help then you need to do what your treatment providers want you to do, like stopping the drugs and alcohol, going into the hospital and letting them get you set up with the specialist they want you to see and follow through with letting them help you get your SSI.

[elevatedsoul]

i know getting high will effect it... but im around people that use way more than me sometimes, i isolate alot ... i think... but i also go out, i dunno, i just know that they aren't effected by drugs like this... and i feel like im not using alot.. which makes me feel like its not a drug effect if that makes sense...


i just wish that there was an easy fix to it, but nothing ive tried really seems to help

its really difficult...

[elevatedsoul]

i haven't been researching anything...

haven't really been doing anything besides keeping myself super distracted from the mental illness and all the symptoms

but i find myself obsessed with getting high because its like the only coping mechanism i fall back on... i shake my legs alot, fidget, rock... i pace and walk around... i try to do activities like working on things... but the feelings/symptoms are always there which fuels the obsessive thoughts which just makes it harder for me with the addictions and fighting the obsessive thoughts...

i've been practicing extreme avoidance i guess, burying emotions and feelings, stuffing pain down, hiding feelings, masking myself, pretending, or whatever you call it... not really on purpose, but just like i've given up - i dont have any hope left, i dont see any way out .. so i am just trying to keep this fragile house of cards from falling... the only way i know how, but i know its going to implode, i am not a fool... i dont know when, i feel it getting worse, i know that i cant sustain - even if i was sober... i just dont know what i am going to do or what to do anymore, i've lost all control if i ever had any control which i dont think i have ever had any control over these symptoms or my situation...

im just really tired, i want things to change and to be different but i cant change it

i dont like to get in this space and think about it because it makes me feel suicidal... i dont want to go through this anymore, but ill step away and ill walk into it, my mouth opens and words come out and the actions follow and im just along for the ride anymore...

i can't believe the way i have been behaving, im not my self... but maybe its for the better

know i was failing to function the way i was behaving thats for sure... i just dont wanna get shot or locked up...

im just really hopeless i guess, i dont think i have ever been stable

Stabile? Like...dunno.

[Michael W. Harris]

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

i haven't been researching anything...

haven't really been doing anything besides keeping myself super distracted from the mental illness and all the symptoms

but i find myself obsessed with getting high because its like the only coping mechanism i fall back on... i shake my legs alot, fidget, rock... i pace and walk around... i try to do activities like working on things... but the feelings/symptoms are always there which fuels the obsessive thoughts which just makes it harder for me with the addictions and fighting the obsessive thoughts...

i've been practicing extreme avoidance i guess, burying emotions and feelings, stuffing pain down, hiding feelings, masking myself, pretending, or whatever you call it... not really on purpose, but just like i've given up - i dont have any hope left, i dont see any way out .. so i am just trying to keep this fragile house of cards from falling... the only way i know how, but i know its going to implode, i am not a fool... i dont know when, i feel it getting worse, i know that i cant sustain - even if i was sober... i just dont know what i am going to do or what to do anymore, i've lost all control if i ever had any control which i dont think i have ever had any control over these symptoms or my situation...

im just really tired, i want things to change and to be different but i cant change it

i dont like to get in this space and think about it because it makes me feel suicidal... i dont want to go through this anymore, but ill step away and ill walk into it, my mouth opens and words come out and the actions follow and im just along for the ride anymore...

i can't believe the way i have been behaving, im not my self... but maybe its for the better

know i was failing to function the way i was behaving thats for sure... i just dont wanna get shot or locked up...

im just really hopeless i guess, i dont think i have ever been stable

I have felt like this my whole life. The alcohol numbed me up so I ignored the suicidal emotions. It was the isolation that caused most of my emotional instability. My mental health problems made it extremely hard to develop relationships. I could not stay grounded because of the total isolation in life. When I started trying to get help from mental health professionals in 1992, I desperately needed them to understand and give me some support. I never found one that truly knew how to help someone like me.

When Dad died and left my mentally ill Mom alone I was not prepared for it. I could not help her because she caused my mental health problems and she triggered extreme emotional pain in me. This caused the dissociative symptoms to exhibit more often. I started to get more and more afraid/paranoid and began to mentally collapse.

I needed the mental health providers to get me into group therapy with other people who had borderline personality disorder and dissociative disorder to stop the isolation. None of the psychologists or psychiatrists that I paid did this for me.

[elevatedsoul]

yeah, see i used to drink .. i still do a little bit but it just wasnt enough enough..

after rehab and detox i kinda dont need it per say so i dont really crave it... i can get stronger things that work longer and better..?

i just have financial woes so the struggle is real..
im at the point where i feel like trying to go to work but my symptoms are so wild that i dont think its a good idea

i try to explain things to the docs but they dont really hear me, it just feels like im trying to explain something too complicated and they just are looking past what im saying..

i haven't really been diagnosed with anything besides that bipolar(the anxiety and others) and then changed back to MDD and now some unspecified depression or something i dont really even know my diagnosis anymore...

i know i should be in some type of therapy, they tell me that too, but im hopeless, feel like i've given up, and dont really have any transportation right now anyway..