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#1
Nov 02, 2007, 09:48 PM
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Triggering post do not read if triggered ***************************************************************** Therapy.. is different these days... my head hurts... Alters are sharing memories.. via the therapist and from alter to alter.. so that alters can experience the feelings and know.. what is going on within "the system". I have a "mute" alter... who was abused by "Apron Lady" as we call her. The mute alter and another alter are side by side... one an adult.. and one a child.. My therapist asked.. to talk to them.. they were threatening to hurt "the body"... and the therapist said " that is unacceptable".. another alter threatening to "SI".. due to the pain that she was feeling from the other two... This "sharing" of pain is new... how does one describe it... to not know "the pain".. and then to have it "dumped" on you in one swell swoop.. it's odd.. and strange.. and the first reaction.. is to say "no".. "no" "That is not me".. but it is... So.. today... alters learned.. that they share a body.. shocking.. very shocking .. to find that out..so knew... but some did not.. The therapist explained it... my "little" mute alter... slapping "my" hand... hard.. very hard.. turning it red several times.. yet "I" felt no pain.. how could that be.. watching the hand.. hit the other hand.. yet nothing.. she mimiced..what happened to her... she having no voice to tell.. she made another gesture.. and we knew.. knew.. what that was... a wooden spoon... used to hurt.. to hurt us.. in an area that should never be hurt... an area.. that only us.. should touch.... how... does this happen... the sharing me memories... I want to scream at my therapist... that this is my body.. this is my mind.. and no.. no.. I do not want "that"... in my life.. That he has no right.. to make us share.. that I want my life back... that I want to be 21... not 34.. all of a sudden in a weeks time.... when does it stop...I want to go back to the age I was a week ago.. 21.. and young.. with no pain... Is not fair.... |
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#2
Nov 02, 2007, 10:52 PM
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My Dearest (((((((((((((((((( freewill )))))))))))))))))))))))
My heart breaks reading your post. The turmoil, the pain, the confusion you are all going through must be very difficult. I can't imagine what you and your alters are dealing with. Even though I can't imagine what you are going through, I can feel in my heart a pain (no other word can explain it). And it cries for you and your alters. I pray that the work you are all doing is right for all of you and that you will find in quick time some relief from the pain. I pray that when all eyes open and become aware, more positive work can be done and felt. Moving forward can be so hard. But it can also be so rewarding and enlightening. You will get there freewill...you WILL get there! Love & Hugs xoxoxoxoxo sabby |
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#3
Nov 03, 2007, 09:23 AM
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((((((((((((((((( freewill ))))))))))))))))))))
I remember these awarenesses, as well as the shock, horror and pain of realization. I, so many times, wrote "Ignorance is Bliss". I know it doesn't seem so, but there is good on the other side of this...walking through the briar-filled forest to get to the beautiful lake and sit, and rest. All of you is VERY brave. KD
__________________
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#4
Nov 03, 2007, 11:19 PM
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(((((freewill)))))
How do I write to you about this post? I can so relate to everything you said. Pain that you knew nothing of and a silent little one that cannot speak. The one who put the pain upon her not taking responsibility. Yet we are left to carry the pain and try to figure out what it was and how to handle the pain. I cry with you and I feel with you. Pain is everywhere, and I find myself feeling afraid this night. Finding out about the others and trying to understand where and why they all came about. Learning of each other and accepting each one is hard, but you can do it. The denial and wanting things to go away, I so understand. You are going to be okay my friend. I stand beside you to walk with you and hold you up when you cannot stand alone. I love you my friend. camilionwords1truth |
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#5
Nov 04, 2007, 01:58 PM
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You are indeed COURAGEOUS and STONG! I admire you for continuing such a difficult task.
It's my hope that you are also beginning to understand just how lovable you are with when you read so many loving and understanding posts. Take it to heart, Sweety! Read them over and over until they start to sink in. <font color="red">You are LOVABLE, COURAGEOUS AND STONG!</font>  
__________________
Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
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