Don't know what to talk about.

I have a session with just my talk therapy T. Not the one doing parts integration. I just do not know what to talk about anymore except I feel I am losing some functionality ever since T2 decided I was on the DID spectrum. I feel a little unhinged, a little lost, dazed and confused. Stuck in my own head rolling old memories and actions over in my head trying to see if I remember if it was me or not.

On the positive side my bulimia has disappeared and I am finally sleeping a full night. I like talking to T1 as he does not scare me like the other one does. We do not talk about parts or go into trauma. I feel like I need to talk more about this new diagnosis as it is really troubling me but I have never dissociated with him or shut down or so called switched parts so he does not see what the other guy sees.

Can you just talk about that?

I have a therapy session today too. I have lost my voice though. Not sure what I will do yet. Draw? Show photos? Mime?

I think it would be a good idea to talk about your new diagnosis.I don't know how long you have been seeing T1 but if he knows you well it might be good to get his thoughts and opinions on it.You may even find out that you have dissociated with him and he just never said anything.

So I talk to a therapist about another therapist. So weird. Yes we discussed my diagnosis. Bottom line is perhaps what is playing out in session with T2 is a process and needs to play out before things get better. T1 also mentioned to ask him questions on to why he felt he even needed to tell me about his diagnosis of me as was there a purpose. T1 has not seen me dissociate, I have always been present and engaged in his sessions.

Tomorrow is session with T2.

I am so paranoid he reads this forum and has seen everything I have written. How embarrassing that would be.

I'd do just that too most can relate to a teenage boy who voice has deepened. This is an easy way for someone to pick up an accent, there is something different for instance. I'd take it slow and speak about whatever comes up. If your at the point in therapy you just say, why do I sound like this give it an traits jot it down for the notebook. I'm either uneducated uniformed protector those unaccepting might just think it is being hoarse, a cold, it is nothing, I wont get believed and I made it up, that is fine too I think it is important to start conversation before too much is shared in session espeically without a Dissociative Disorder Specialist. Attention seeking and attaching is a necessity sometimes especially if good careers are in your favor. A preview look ahead is also fine ask what happens to folks on journey that has issue with repression and belief systems feels a little shattered but not on the dissociative spectrum and ptsd etc.

I can't deal with this anymore. I am an embarrassment to myself. I did not ask for life and I do not want life. I am tired and I do not want to go on one more damn day. Getting through each day is agonizing mentally.

Sorry you're having such a hard time.Is it because of the new diagnosis?Is it that you are having a hard time trying to comprehend and accept it?It's hard getting the diagnosis,for me it was like it turned my entire world upside down for a long time.

Maybe you could talk to T1 more about it to help you through this?

Saw T2 today and I just was not any better. More thoughts of not wanting to live and very depressed. I left there not feeling any better than I went in. We did not even talk about my diagnosis because we discussed my marriage and how unhappy I am but I am safe and my husband takes care of me financially.