[MtnTime2896]

I'll be doing my normal, daily thing like making myself a plate of food, and then I'm in a weird state. I've never talked about how this feels to anyone (maybe my T but I don't remember doing so).

I'll reach for the serving spoon, but I'm not the one handling the serving spoon when it's putting food on my plate. It's not me organizing the food, I'm just watching it happen. I'm talking, but my words don't reach my lips. It stays in my head because I can't operate my mouth, it's not mine to operate. Someone else, or several people answer me inside my head. My movements, the ones I can't control, are that of a child. How the hand is grabbing the spoon is uncoordinated and acting as if the hand is smaller than it really is.

I sometimes hear this child in my head and I always feel warm when I do. But I always feel something else, too. I feel so ****ing vulnerable. During times (like the example above) when it seems he has taken charge, my feelings of vulnerability are unshakeable, even well after I'm back in charge. I don't understand it. I've never felt this way when James takes over, or Monica, or even Kay. Granted they all bring on their own feelings, but it's never as intense as I am with the vulnerability that comes with George.

I should probably just tell my T this stuff and see what he thinks. I don't even know what answers I'm looking for here. Admittedly, I've spent a good amount of energy trying to avoid this subject because it feels so... raw, I guess. I don't want people judging and making fun of me, or using this vulnerability to screw myself or one of the others over. George is sweet and innocent, I don't want him hurt because people can't accept him. And, admittedly, I also want to be accepted. Rejection hurts, no matter how many times it happens, it all hurts more each time.

i definitely understand.
i hope that you can talk to your T about it,and that it goes well.

[Amyjay]

Yes, I have times like that when I am aware of a "co-presence" of another part of me. It can be striking when it is a young child especially.

I do it all the time, like when a part pushes in and takes over like while walking or as you described. Gestures are triggers, body movement...and our brain immediately tries to identify who did that...it also kicks in the DP pretty good.

Reaching out for something where I see my hand, feeling disappears and it’s as if someone else is controlling it...it also causes dissociation as if our parts interact like oil and water.

This constant body battles has made us appear clumsy and awkward at times, drawing strange looks from other people.