[sweetie]

hi, im a little lost i guess..Ive been trying to find somewhere i belong and im going to try here now..ive not been diagnosed with did but its something ive always felt..i dont know why... anyway i do go to mental health, its a free clinic and too many people for them to handle.. doctors change all the time and each one puts a new label on me.. so many now..bipolar rabid cycle, major depression, add, anixtys, phobias, borderline personalty disorder, dissociation.. my therapist told me to put a thick rubber band around my wrist and snap it when i like i was floating away..
about me..im 39 but most of time feel like a child..sometimes i look in mirror and wonder who i am..where did i go.. from what details i can remember of my childhood i was abused mentally and phyicaly by my mom..and dad.. My health is going down hill, blood pressue is high and my weight is going up very fast..ive gained over 130 pounds in last year..my boyfriend made a coment the other day.. your like 2 people I think you have split personaltys ..I do believe that..also in my head it goes round and round.. even when i write i notice sometimes i jump from subjects like im all mixed up...Please someone tell me if you see something in what i say..tell me what to say to doctor.. tell me how to handle this and get grip on life..thank you

[bipolar_bear]

Wecome to PC. I hope you will feel you do belong here. Maybe you could take what you wrote here and give it to your doctor as well as anything else you are feeling. Giving them the most information is usually the best.

BB

[Perna]

I too felt like a child. But my mother died when I was 3 and my father remarried when I was 5 and my stepmother and I didn't "match" very well. I had several "lives" I remembered; before my mother died, between mothers and then after my stepmother. My mother dying and between mothers was all mixed up until my therapist and I straightened them out. Maybe you can think of a couple "different yous" and how you'd like them to "make sense" and tell the doctor about that?

The rubber band trick isn't bad, it works but it's not very "personal" not someone making a connection with "you" which I think is what you want. I spent 10-15 years in a fantasy world of my own making and that was 10-15 years I wish I had been paying attention to reality. A lot of things make more sense now that I am older; it's a little like when you're a little kid and then in your 20's and 30's and more makes sense. When you get to your 50's even more makes sense :-)

Keep posting, talking and trying to put things into words really can help.

[(JD)]

Welcome to PC!
I think you need to share what you think. If they are truly seeing you switch personalities and are mistaking that for bipolar disorder, you will be on meds that just won't ever work for you!

I think the rubber band would be a real OWIE!

Keep a journal, perhaps? Let yourself write in it any time... and maybe the communication aspect will increase.

TC

[Kiya]

=( i'm surprised a dr told you to snap your wrist with a rubber band - the whole point of coping is to find ways that don't hurt the body to connect.

You can always ask to work with a therapist or dr who understands Dissociation and multiple personalities.

it is confusing at first - but with more time and more info, things should start to make sense.

kiya

[sweetie]

Thank you everyone for making me feel welcome.. it is so very hard having a mental illness..no matter witch one i have...everyday is a challenge ..I was thinking about my past and i can remember the beginning of a beating, then nothing else..no pain, but then other times i can remember pain and dont know what caused the pain..now in my adult life..sometimes im weak like a child..wanting to be taken care of and loved..and other times I hate everyone and hate being treated like a child..it really makes it difficult for people to get close to me.. its hard to believe i could have 2-3 personality's inside of me. but if i do i think one is there to protect me, but things get so bad..who is going to protect that person...I fight all the time with myself...i dont know who i am anymore and who to fight for ...The last time i had a mirror problem, where i looked in mirror and saw someone i didnt know. It was so scary..i looked in the eyes of this person and said has i cried, who are you, where did i go..im old and fat..thats not me thats not me!!! SO how do i figure out who i am..

[Kiya]

((((((((((((((((((((hugs if you want them))))))))))))))))))))))

Time - breathe - listen to all the parts of yourself. I didn't know my reflection this morning. course, with 12 parts, that's not new. i've also had a migraine for 4 days - maybe someone's trying to tell me something about the anxiety i have been experiencing, but i don't want to look at that w/o my t. it's been a hard week with the holiday, work, anxiety, SI.... i have to be patient when i see a me that's not who is inside at the time. there's just nothing else to be done. i know sometimes the kids are in side and are freaked out by the adult body. I had the same reaction once "Who is that reflection? Why am I old and fat?!" Truth is sometimes the body is my 30 yr old self. sometimes it's younger or older. Sometimes it is really old, weary, worn, and ready for the ultimate rest. but then the next day comes and things eventually even out. and sometimes the internal experience is different than the outside and nothing makes sense.
the thing i find most interesting is that it is not just my own perception - being a multiple - my body will change as well. i have to adjust the mirror in my car, or my seat and i'm having a "short" day. sometimes the bathroom sink is far too low and i'm having a "tall" day. my recorded height at the drs will change. my features change my face depending on who i am at the time; long angular as an adult , round when childlike, broad and flat when angry.
i'm on a tangent.... hmmmmmmmm.... maybe whoever was occupying me today is weighing in. i'd best stop writing now while i have some clairity.
hang in there - one day at a time.
k