Wondering

So they lowered my Invega and the chatter has diminished greatly. I wonder if I ever had DID or these are just racing thoughts.

How are things going with your therapist, Dnester? If the chatter has diminished, I'd say this is something worth talking about to him. Maybe it's just a temporary effect. I hope you'll feel better soon. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

She basically attacked me last session when I told her I didnt have DID. She said you can call it ddnos, osdd or whatever its still dissociation. All because I called myself we. I have dissociated in therapy but I havent ever not remembered getting somewhere or anything like that.

Did she specifically say you have DID or did she say you dissociate?

She said I had DID. When I told her I difng have it because I dont lose time she got defensive and said she didnt care what I called it she said I could call it Osdd, Ddnos anything I want but itd still dissociation in a nasty tone.

It's normal to have a hard time accepting the diagnosis and question it.She should already know that and help you with acceptance and explaining why she believes you have it.

Just so you know though,just because DID symptoms/problems aren't constant it doesn't mean it's not DID.And you could also go get a second opinion if you truly believe your therapist is wrong.

I would if I didnt have transference issues.

My T dropped the DID thing with me and said it did not matter as sessions would still be the same. He also said what did he know as he was not a physiatrist. I am also glad he stopped the stupid part integration as that was frustrating. I have plenty of what seems to called here "chatter" in my head and I actually argue with parts in my head and have full conversations out loud that would make me look crazy in public if anyone saw it. Then there is the forgetting everything part of this. I forget a lot of what I write on here in posts and when I read a post I thin is great and agree with I see it is written by me and I have no memory of writing it. I can not remember things said in session especially when I have an "episode" of I do not really understand but it is apparently called freeze/dissociation. Whatever..... I see all my moods as separate parts as they all have different views even political views, what foods they like to eat, how they see themselves (some think they are very fat and some thing they look hot). I love when I have the part that comes out and gets stuff done! My ex-T who did IFS would just call it a manager part.

I really wished that I would be either actually diagnosed with it or not diagnosed with it. Then I would not feel so bat **** crazy. I would feel like I had closure on what the hell is wrong with me.

Anyway after years of all kinds of therapy my parts are not so fragmented anymore and or extreme. My inner world is calmer for longer periods of time or my T says my best adult self is in the drivers seat more. I can say this though....I still hate life, I hate living and I am just depressed almost all the time and I feel like I fight for a clear uplifting feeling in my body. I still have sleep issues....like right now I am wide awake and should be sleeping.

I also live in Virginia.

I am so sorry you are going through all of that

Moxie, it sounds like you have trauma wrong with you. All of those things DID, OSDD, even BPD etc, at the root of it they all have trauma. Doesn't really matter which one anycother or even you applies to you. Doesn't matter what letters you have. If you treat the trauma, you heal the person. That's what matters.

Um, wow, attacked you? Why is she so upset...having her dx challenged? What else will she do, shoot you for not doing your homework? She sounds like a toxic individual that I would have fired the moment she lost her professionalism. The last thing I need is a freaky T when outside her doors is a freaky life. I personally can’t handle confrontation of any kind..it’s just a heavy trigger for us...

Is their any communication within? I mean just hearing crowd noise as a background can make me feel like I was in psychosis if there was no personal communication.

When we took APs, our head quieted down- more like suppression because my thinking got dulled, but when we quit taking them... our brain resumed its normal activity.

I used to think of the other voices as intrusive thoughts.... always distracting and coming out of no where interrupting my train of thought. Racing thoughts I now take is as us talking very fast in head due to hypomania.

Is this the T for you or do you have other options?

I agree with all the others, Dnester. Regardless of your diagnosis, it wasn't professional of her to behave that way towards you. Can you fire her and find another therapist? I'm so sorry, I know it's hard to deal with all of this. It takes time to find a good therapist. I hope you'll feel better soon. It's hard to accept a diagnosis, but once you've fond the right therapist for you, I'm sure you'll be able to get through it. Please don't give up. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. I believe in you. Remember that I'm here for you if you need it. Sending many hugs to you

I could see someone else but I have transference with her and she technically is my second opinion. Sl I dont know what to do.

I understand what you mean, Dnester. That must be very hard for you. Have you talked about this to her? She should help you work through that. I'm so sorry you have to put up with all of this. Sending many hugs

No because I dont want her to know I think of her like a mother.

The only way to really know (and even then it isn't a certainty, because it really depends on the "lens" of the diagnostician) is to get a full diagnostic evaluation from a professional. That may be the only way you can get answers, given that you saw your previous therapist so long ago and your current therapist isn't trained enough to be of diagnostic help to you.

From all you have written over the last few weeks I would be very dubious of any diagnosis of a dissociative disorder. One "we" in the night doesn't really indicate one.

I have already been given the diagnosis of DDNOS around 17 years ago by a Psychologist trained in Dissoviative Disorders. This therapist just agrees.

I thought you said your current therapist said you have DID. Being diagnosed with DDNOS 17 years ago doesn't equal DID back then nor in the present.

I'm confused so it's easy to understand why you are too.

She did but when I confronted her about it she said it didnt matter what I called it.

I'm not sure about elsewhere, but here in Scotland DID and dissociation are fully understood. My psychologist advised me that DID has been found to often be misdiagnosed, with people being diagnosed with DID rather that dissociation NOS or other dissociative conditions. My previous psychologist (who was American) diagnosed me with DID but stated that although I have DID, I do not have multiples and that I had different parts instead. I know that I definitely dissociate, and I do lose time and can end up places i hadn't planned on being, but I do agree with my current psychologist who diagnosed me with dissociation and ruled out DID.

Hope that helps in some way.x

How are parts different than multiples?

its just a definition change since 2013. nothing to worry about.

remember when you were working on fractions in math class. ..

when you cut an apple in half you dont have 2 whole apples (multiple apples). you have 2 halves of one apple.

when you cut 1 pie into 8 pieces you dont have 8 whole pies. (multiple pies)
you have 8 slices of pie and each slice equals 1/8th of the pie.

the new definition is like that where the American Psychiatric Association defines a person with DID does not have many/ multiple personalities. they have one personality that has been broken up into parts.

example

I had one personality (all my memories, emotions, senses, experiences, how I thought, talked, behaved all of it that was what and who I was)

then before I was 5 extremely traumatic things happened to me that I was unable to handle.

this made my one personality break up into different parts doing their own things.

each one of those parts of my personality was not another human being with their own brain and body, they were part of me living inside of me.

thats all it means when a treatment provider says a person doesnt have multiples they have parts of their one personality.

another way of putting it in new language by APA is the phrase "less than one"

according to the APA a person with DID doesnt have multiple personalities, they have one personality that was broken up into many parts, each part is a fraction of the whole just like the orange with the many parts inside it. or the pie that has been cut up into many parts of the one pie.

just updating definitions of the old ways.