[Amyjay]

Omg, having DID is so stinking frustrating! I have been trying hard to stay present and focused in my therapy sessions, and it is just SO freaking hard. I have done well for a couple of weeks recently, but it seems every second session is spent in a triggered and confused haze. Todays session was such a waste of time. I don't know which part was there but they totally hijacked the session. Apart from being mean to us and the T they refused to talk. They just wanted to stop us being out.
I felt totally fine both before and after therapy... "they", whoever they were, were only present for therapy, for the sole reason of stopping us being there and talking.
How do you even deal with this??
Any ideas??? I am beyond frustrated, and I think T is too.

[Betty_Banana]

I had many sessions exactly how you describe and felt just as frustrated as you are.And I felt like it was both a waste of time and money.

Surprisingly though when I would talk to my T about them he would have a different opinion and say they were helpful or productive sessions.That usually aggravated me more though because they sure didn't seem that way to me.

In hindsight I know he was right,those were the helpful and productive ones. It helped him learn more about me and my system. That allowed him in return to be able to help me.

Also,there were times things weren't always as they seemed. Some sessions I thought were like you describe but in reality someone was out and talking and I was unaware of it. Sometimes I thought I sat and didn't talk the entire time and was so pissed off for it just to find out that wasn't true at all.

Have you discussed these sessions with your T? If not it might be a good idea to.

I know how hard and frustrating it all is but for me the best thing to do was trust the whole process . There's a reason things happen the way they do even if you don't understand it.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by Betty_Banana

I had many sessions exactly how you describe and felt just as frustrated as you are.And I felt like it was both a waste of time and money.

Surprisingly though when I would talk to my T about them he would have a different opinion and say they were helpful or productive sessions.That usually aggravated me more though because they sure didn't seem that way to me.

In hindsight I know he was right,those were the helpful and productive ones. It helped him learn more about me and my system. That allowed him in return to be able to help me.

Also,there were times things weren't always as they seemed. Some sessions I thought were like you describe but in reality someone was out and talking and I was unaware of it. Sometimes I thought I sat and didn't talk the entire time and was so pissed off for it just to find out that wasn't true at all.

Have you discussed these sessions with your T? If not it might be a good idea to.

I know how hard and frustrating it all is but for me the best thing to do was trust the whole process . There's a reason things happen the way they do even if you don't understand it.

Argghh, thanks. I know you are right, which is actually frustrating me too! (not that YOU are right, but that what you say is likely to be right.)

I am trying so hard to be in control, and most of the time I just aren't.
But I want to be!!

[Betty_Banana]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Argghh, thanks. I know you are right, which is actually frustrating me too! (not that YOU are right, but that what you say is likely to be right.)

I am trying so hard to be in control, and most of the time I just aren't.
But I want to be!!

I understand. I've been in your shoes.

Hang in there

So good they feel safe enough to come out with your T. A safe person who knows how to handle it. What would happen if you didn't fight so hard to be in control? Let them have time?

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by cavaliers

So good they feel safe enough to come out with your T. A safe person who knows how to handle it. What would happen if you didn't fight so hard to be in control? Let them have time?

Well you see the thing is my T has been trying to get an adult part to stay present in therapy for quite some time now. I have put my hand up as that adult part. As I rightfully should. But I really struggle to stay present in therapy. Currently two "youth" alters mostly find themselves there and while they can accomplish some things on their own, staying present and working through triggers isn't one of them.
T is trying to get us to be more conscious and present in therapy so we can eventually move on to trauma processing, but so far we just really struggle to stay present. So very many things trigger switches.
What can you do?

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Well you see the thing is my T has been trying to get an adult part to stay present in therapy for quite some time now. I have put my hand up as that adult part. As I rightfully should. But I really struggle to stay present in therapy. Currently two "youth" alters mostly find themselves there and while they can accomplish some things on their own, staying present and working through triggers isn't one of them.
T is trying to get us to be more conscious and present in therapy so we can eventually move on to trauma processing, but so far we just really struggle to stay present. So very many things trigger switches.
What can you do?

This might partly explain why therapy hasn't ''worked'' for me. Aside from the fact that the therapists sucked.

[vultureculture]

Act like therapy is meant to be practiced during a thirty minute session at home. A few forms the phone number or business might help a little bit, sit in the office. Commonly enough it hard to speak about painful experience to anyone let along in therapy. Try to have patience with yourself during this process and do plenty of self care as a reward.

[Amyjay]

@vultureculture Thank you for the reminder for self care and self compassion.

So we figured out the reason I have such trouble staying present is my difficulty in "being in the body", especially in front of others. That's why those younger two keep being there - because being in the body is their job.

So, I need to work on strengthening my connection to the body and "being present" within it.

Any tips?

[Betty_Banana]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

@vultureculture Thank you for the reminder for self care and self compassion.

So we figured out the reason I have such trouble staying present is my difficulty in "being in the body", especially in front of others. That's why those younger two keep being there - because being in the body is their job.

So, I need to work on strengthening my connection to the body and "being present" within it.

Any tips?

Can you stay present with those two younger ones?

Something that helped me,which may sound stupid and may not help you,I found if I tucked my thumbs into my hands and closed my fist around them it would feel like I was holding hands with the ones inside.And it helped me feel not only closer to them but ...grounded and safer to stay present and connected to the body.

Also,my therapist would tell me to move my feet around,jump up and down,flail my arms around,etc. to help stay present and connected.

I know there's more but I'm waking up right now and need more coffee to think clearly.

[Amyjay]

Thank you, BB, I am going to try the thumb tuck trick in therapy tomorrow to see if it helps.
We really need to work on being present in the body. As it is we are really averse to doing anything body related in front of our T. Such as... move, stand, drink, or anything body related at all. I suppose we actually sit very still and controlled during therapy? But that is not true I suppose because those two younger ones can move there. Whatever, I will try the thumb trick. (But out of sight of the T!)