[Monty_girl]

This is kind of an off topic. But this is where I'm comfortable.

The thing is my brother may be moving in with me and my husband. Since his divorce he's had major money problems. He has medical bills from his cancer treatments, house that his ex is suppose to pay half for and doesn't, plus 2 car payments. And now he's out of work. He's subbing for a school system while he's working on his masters getting a teaching degree to teach high school math. But that is a unsure thing, never knowing when he'll work. So as of now he's living off credit cards for everything. I told him to let the house go into forclosur and let them pick up his ex's car since she's suppose to be paying for it and isn't ( it's in his name ).

Am I doing the right thing? I just think he just needs to start new. I worry about him, he's like my own child, I raised him when he was little. Do you all think it's OK to take him in? I told my husband that I asked him to come live with us, but he really didn't say much about it. They are friends and get along well. Confused

[onlymedid]

I think that what you are doing is very commendable. I think you are doing what you think is best for him right now. My concern is why you are questioning what you are doing? Is there something that is making you doubt yourself? I know it must be very hard for you to take in another person, brother or not.
I think if you and your brother get along and there is no reason not to trust him or have him there, then you are doing the right thing.
Just remember that at some point you may not want him there for one reason or another. I did that with someone and I loved them dearly, but after a while, I just needed my space back!
Anyways, I think you are a very kind person and I hope this helps a little.

[Perna]

Living with you is certainly an option he might like to have but I was a little unclear about his financial matters.

If he is divorced there are "rules" set up for who pays what and it's not optional. He can get her payments or he can cause the house to be sold (rather than foreclosed) and sell her car if it's in his name, etc. It sounds like he has assets he's not using or that you are not quite familiar with. If that is true then he may not be quite as bad off yet as you imagine or fear.

It sounds like you're a wonderful sister and worried about your brother since you did raise him but he probably should work on figuring out his financial matters himself. It is very nice of you to offer your home to him and there's nothing whatsoever wrong with that (if your husband truly doesn't mind) and I'm sure your brother is glad to have you at his back. However, you might be thinking of his situation in terms of your own worries and how you believe you would feel in his situation and that might not be as much a problem for him as it is for you?

[Monty_girl]

Maybe I'm unsure about everything because I not sure how things would be with another person living in the house. I'm not sure if my brother truely understands my dx. Things have been so bad this last year and I don't know how to talk to him about everything.

[Monty_girl]

My brothers ex seems to ignor the rules of the divorce. She's to pay half the house payment and never has made one payment this year. The house has been up for sell for almost a year now without an offer. With the house it's in a new subdivision with new houses being built around it, there aren't many takers. The cars are leases in his name. She is suppose to make payments on the one she has and doesn't. My brother has given her money to make payments and she's taken the money and used it for other things. ( he's been to trusting with her ) So not to mess up his credit he makes the payments. He had money taken from her pay checks, but she quits her jobs when they start taking the money out. Brother has told me that she now owes him over $30,000 in back money she was to pay him. I don't know what else he can do. From what he tells me he's in a great big hole.

His ex has been nothing but nasty throughout this divorce. She told him that she couldn't deal with his cancer any longer and that's the reason for the divorce. Her leaving had nothing to do with her boyfriend she had on the side or anything. She's stole money out of my brothers checking account. This is another reason maybe why I want my brother to move in with me. Everytime she calls him she wants something and he gives into her thinking they are going to work it out. If he moves here he'll be 2 hours away from her and maybe could focus on getting his life straighten out.

I'm just his momma and I want to make everything alright for him. I know I can't fix his problems for him. But it's hard to sit on my hands.

You are a very caring person..... and I really feel for both you are your brother...

my 2 cents... for what it is worth...

I don't know too much about foreclosure... is bankrupcy an option?
If not.. I would tend to agree with you..and the foreclousure.. and letting them take her car back..... there is just a point where the financials.. can overwhem a person....and it sounds like your brother has been thru the ringer....

Living with another person.. even a brother can be tricky.. as I found out when my son moved back in for a while... and the back out..

No.. my son does not know about my DID... and it was hard.... when he was underage and I was raising him.. all my "mom alters" took care of things... but.. with him as an adult.. it was different...and since he is my son..... not my brother... I felt that I could not discuss my DX with him... a brother.. I would feel comfortable with discussing it with him....

and unfortunately... there was a "woman" with my son that sounds like your brother's ex... and letting my son move back in... well.. didn't improve... my son giving to her when ever she called... though.. we do live in the same city.. so there was no physical distance...

we did work it out.....

the "size" of your living quarters... would you be "right on top of each other"?

I think that you are doing the "right" thing for your brother... by giving him a chance to get on his feet again....

(((((hugs)))))

[Perna]

If he keeps giving her money, I don't know that you can do a whole lot about that. That would make me angry if I saw it. Personally, if she owes him X dollars, I'd haul her back into court and take it out of her hide. She wouldn't get anything, would lose her share of the house, the car he could turn in, etc. It wouldn't be comfortable for me to have him figuring out/fighting with her so close to me. Sounds like he's still working it out for himself.

It would be hard too, if he isn't aware of the ramifications of your dx and things don't go well there to then ask him to leave later? I'd be afraid to invite one of my brothers in (I have 3) to live with me.