Hi,
I was wondering... when you feel yourself tend to fade to the back, do you try to negotiate with yourselves? I mean .. do you try to say.. hey.. I can handle this situation.. you don't need to takeover? Does that work for you?

[pegasus]

Hello esthersvirtue, that's a very interesting question.

I think negotiaton takes a long time to get to. It means having great awareness of your own system. With an awful lot of therapy I have come to get that awareness but it doesn't always work to be that controling or to know which part of me is upfront at the time. Sometimes a certain part will take over in a given situation and I've learn't that is not always a bad thing ya know.

It's a good question and one that is certainly worth exploring with your T.

Love to you.

Im sorry. I should have prefaced to say this is a dissociation in general question. I'm not DID, but my T wants me to relate to myself in this way.. (if that makes sense).

I am not sure that I can help......

we alters negociate... all the time.... the T taught us how to negociate... to talk to each other...

we negociate for who is going to take care of a given situation... and for who will keep him updated... for decisions... like how much money to spend on what..

so alters do negociate for who is going to be "in control" or "handle" certain things... but then there are triggers that don't allow for negociating... things just "take off" from triggers..

our host... doesn't negociate.... she is very unhappy with life... and chooses for the present... to allow the alters to be out and about living life..

the T... has talked to her about making life more liveable.. and more fun... so she wants to be present....at that point... we will "back off"... and allow her to have control... as she is the host..except again in trigger situations...

does that make sense? hope so...

thanks freewill and pegasus. That does help

When u do try to reclaim your conscious time, does it feel wierd. I feel like.... I'm not sure if I can stay conscious. and I slowly fade still. Maybe it was stupid to try it, but it felt like more compassionate just interfacing, but it doesnt work much. It just ends up making me feel like im fighting to stay awake in a strange place or something.

[Kiya]

huh - i have no idea for myself. i guess maybe half the time i know i'm switching - and it's about all i have time for to be able to say "oh i'm switching" or be informed, and its on to the next individual.
sometimes i just find myself staring and having no idea what i'm doing - but it usually catches up pretty quick and i figure it out.
kiya

In the beginning... in early therapy... it was a fading "away" kinda thing.... (am the host)...... it.... felt.... like... a long... tunnel.. type thing...

and... if I... decide to be present... and a I am stressed... and try to stay in "control".... I still get that... fuzzy... unreal... feeling....and... for ... me.. it.. is grounding.. tech... like.. putting your feet.. on the floor.. and feeling... them... and... noticing... the temp... and... things... around... you... that... keep... me... present... that is without... a huge trigger... I can do ...that...

Then.... if I decide... to give up... control... in a non... stressed... situation... it.. is just easy.... I metally... step... back... and let an alter... take... control...

Then... lately.... there have been... a few times... I have wanted to leave.... and just could not.... that frustrates me.... that was... during... therapy... sessions... when .. I did not.. want to talk to the therapist.... that is.. frustrating... to not be able to "escape"...

hope this makes... at least a little sense....

[(JD)]

I think that's an excellent way to change in this matter! It's a form of grounding you are using, to realize that you are in a situation or discussing things that would previously cause you to dissociate. Now, you realize it and tell yourself, Hey, I can do this! It helps bring you back to reality, and allows you to carry on.

Little by little, you will probably gain mastery over handling everything considered difficult. Good wishes!

[Kiya]

ugh - i know what you mean about not being able to step back. that can be so frustrating.

also, when i was a disaster worker after hurricane katrina, my T told me to leave the children home. I had told her they were scared to go because the scary news reports and she couldn't believe i would take them. so... i told them all they could go to their make believe land (for 3 weeks). that was a disaster. 1. *I* had to deal with things i've never before dealt with, having no one to take my place in times of stress, and now have PSTD from that. 2. I had a terrible time getting them to return to me and to trust me.
Sadly, that was the worst advice i've ever been given. anyway, point being, it is terrible to not be able to switch out when one is used to it.

[Kiya]

=) back at ya, freewill ((((((hugs))))))))

Thank you all for replying! Sometimes I post and dont feel understood, but you guys really helped me.

Hugs to you all..

[Kiya]

((((((((((((((((esthersvirtue)))))))))))))))))))))