[Kendyll]

The guy I'm dating has "borderline schizophrenia" and I found out there's another identity inside. I met him the other day while he was having a small meltdown. The Other is a Protector. He's going to therapy and has just about integrated everything except this one. This one takes care of him when things get too big and dark and frightening and sad. He said he didn't trust me, but I know he does a little because he's the voice on the phone when things get rough.

How should I handle this when it happens again? My first response was to keep talking, acknowledge the alter and hear what he had to say. I guess that was OK. I just don't know. It doesn't freak me out. Not at all! I just don't know what the healthy, helpful reaction is.

The only thing that was kinda weird to me is that the Protector told me that he wanted to have sex with me, but that my guy won't let him because he'd hurt me. Not any other time, he probably wouldn't hurt me - just for sex. That's a little scary and exciting at the same time. I'm kind of embarrassed about it. My guy asked what all we talked about and I left that out. I don't need to bring that up, do I?

My take.. on this.. may be different... as people all see things differently....

For me.. the friends that know I am DID... that I talk to... just keep talking when a "switch" occurs because they are uncomfortable - not me...

In e-mail.. alters seem to identify themselves - can see that by re-reading e-mails... this is with close personal friends..

Regarding "sex"... well... as the core personality... I would feel betrayed if.. my SO.. had sex with one of my alters... and didn't discuss it with me... a betrayal.. of sorts....to me it is not an "honest" approach in a relationship... and in the long run.. would most likely "bite" you... so if you want to keep a long term relationship.. if it is important to you..

including.. your SO.. core personality.. in the discussion.. about sex... would keep your relationship above board...and not "manipulative"..

as I said.. this is just my opinion....

[Kendyll]

Thank you so very much for sharing that with me!
Thank you for giving me a better perspective. I get so confused about what would be "right and wrong". I appreciate your point of view very much. It helps!

I hadn't thought about the betrayal aspect. That's very important. I wouldn't want to do that. Now I'm really embarrassed...ashamed for even thinking about it.

You say your friends just keep talking when the "switch" happens. Is that OK? Is there something else you'd rather they do?

[Kiya]

People just keep talking to me too when i switch - tho i think that's just cuz they don't notice. it might be helpful to find out (if poss) what age the protector is (all our protectors are actually kids in age, but don't feel like kids). but they also don't like to give out names or ages. so it might be difficult. one of our kids got mad at the t when (and the t knew) she used words not approproate for a kid -but the lil also couldn't say she was uncomfortable to an adult.
i agree with free on the sex thing - as a betrayal. but you don't need to feel embarrassed i don't think - you're seeking info and that's great. that's how we all learn.

hi..

I wanted to say also.. like Kiya... that your question on sex and such really is one of the questions that is asked most frequently.. for those that know me... it is a common question..

Learning about DID... I think it is wonderful that you want to be supportive and learn...

I am not well.. and up to searching... but a member a long time ago.. posted a site for a manual for SO.. on learning about DID..

He was not DID but dating or married.. can't remember.... but he listed the site in one of the posts...

It was written by a man married to a DIDer... and it was so good.. had humor..

I contacted the author.. and we had a very nice conversation... for me it was rare to meet someone other than a therapist that really "got" DID.. and he did..

so if ou have the energy.. perhaps.. you could look for that posting... it was by a man... a ways back...

[Kendyll]

I'll have to look for that post!

Umm...since I know his name and there's a definite difference, is it proper to use his name when he's around? Is it helpful for me to acknowledge the separate persona, or does it make things worse?

I really need to find that User's Manual. That sounds awesome.

[wanttoheal]

Hi Kendyll,
I don't know anything about borderline schizophrenia. Hopefully you will be able to get some information on that.

As far as people talking to me when I'm not present, I actually don't know I just realized lol. Overall, people think I'm quite eccentric, sometimes childlike. Someone who likes to play as well as do creative "grownup" things. Some just think I'm weird . I think they just talk to me regular though.

From what I do know, when I'm not present, oftentimes, life just goes on and questions are answered or tasks are done and no one is the wiser, I think. T said sometimes it's obvious (to her) that I'm gone, and sometimes it's more difficult to tell. My daughter seems to be able to tell the easiest, probably because she's known me for so long and grew up with how mom just is.

After this is all said and done, I just realized my post is absolutely no help haha, I'm sorry. I did want you to know I read your post and I care though. I hope you find your answers soon.