[Kiya]

Hmmmmmmmmm well i am looking for myself.... if anyone sees me, can you direct me back to myself? I appear to be missing. I've got a lot of my plate right now with physical health issues, of course the mental health, filing for dissability, this whole housing situation.... I'm sure there's a lot more in there....
Meanwhile there's things that need to be accomplished, and as it turns out... they're getting done. but i don't remember doing them. I had to send back my "yes i want to sub" form to the schools... and it was sent (i barely remember, but I thought it was a dream), then i asked on my student loans if i'd be getting something in the mail - they said i already completed it and it should be arriving soon... i have no recollection of doing so. Back in July they said.... News to me. At least some part of me is functioning, that is the good news. I wonder what else I've accomplished while i didn't know about it.
I do have some scary stuff coming up this and next week and i know the dissociation is getting stronger... i've been finding myself coming out of little fuges...which i can't seem to spell. I feel like i am living in a dream state. All these things are happening, and i am sleep walking through them. Especially since being in the ER Friday.... my mind has been more slippery than usual. I wish t would stay put for a while. i need her. I have no back up next week while she is gone. just a lot of scary appointments. wish i knew where my mind was....

[pegasus]

(((((((((((( Kiya )))))))))))))

You have had a lot on your plate recently, give yourself a pat on the back, you and your system are getting through all this somehow.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((( kiya )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

When I am under a lot of stress is when I start to lose time, live in that dreamy fog, etc. I don't know the solution - although I do know that when the stress level starts to go back down, I start to feel more present.

So, since you are doing such a great job of getting things done in this state, I wonder if you can accept it, trust that your system knows what it's doing, and know that things will settle back down when you have less on your plate? It seems like fighting it/worrying about it might make it worse...or more stressful anyhow.

I'm so sorry you have so much going on while T is gone. But you are doing such a great job of handling everything. You're my hero

[multipixie9]

Kiya,

While your T is gone next week, maybe you can use us to at least tell things to. I know you have supporters on here. I'm new, but I care and I remember how nervous I used to feel when my T was out of town. I sort of held my breath until she got back. Now it is not so scary, I'm better with her need to be doing all she does.

It must be scary to be in a fugue state so much right now. I think it's eerie when I do that. I only do it a little, so a lot would be pretty unsettling.

I think your group does really well though, someone is getting things done and done on time. woop, woop for them!!!

Is there anyone in your real-time life who could be a kind of backup person to support you while T is gone? They might not have to know anything, just be there to talk to about ordinary stuff....just a thought.

HEY KIYA, I LIK UR PIRAT BOAT AND THE PEEPLES ON IT. IT FUNNEE, MAK ME LAFF. U SMART TO MAKE FUNEE BOAT. SO COOL kiki pixie thinks you are pretty cool!

Leslie and the gang,

[Kiya]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pegasus said:

(((((((((((( Kiya )))))))))))))

You have had a lot on your plate recently, give yourself a pat on the back, you and your system are getting through all this somehow.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Yes - thank you. I do need to acknowledge that =)

[Kiya]

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earthmama said:
So, since you are doing such a great job of getting things done in this state, I wonder if you can accept it, trust that your system knows what it's doing, and know that things will settle back down when you have less on your plate? It seems like fighting it/worrying about it might make it worse...or more stressful anyhow.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Wow - i remember saying that exact same thing to someone once.... thanks for the reminder. Yeah - I no like this! I lost 3 hours today. Usually i don't do this.... (at least i think - would i even know?) but today i know the last time i was aware of was 2pm... and then the next thing, it was 5:20 and i'd forgotten to take a med. I do feel totally unreal and floating. The only thing I am really aware of is the constant abdominal pain. Everything else is non-exstant... and even the pain is muted. I keep forgetting to take advil. I really want chocolate and even that seems to be gone. Alas. Thanks for the post!!! My mind ran off again, so i had best try to go after it.

[Kiya]

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multipixie9 said:
I think your group does really well though, someone is getting things done and done on time. woop, woop for them!!!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

thank you!! yes i do need to give them kudos

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>

Is there anyone in your real-time life who could be a kind of backup person to support you while T is gone? They might not have to know anything, just be there to talk to about ordinary stuff....just a thought.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

well, t has been gone every other week all of July and August. one week i did see another t as a back up and that was alright. but now.... t out, back up t is out, another dr of mine is out... and i just have my md apnt. and now even yoga is out until this pain heals. so i have to admit i'm not looking forward to this at all.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>

HEY KIYA, I LIK UR PIRAT BOAT AND THE PEEPLES ON IT. IT FUNNEE, MAK ME LAFF. U SMART TO MAKE FUNEE BOAT. SO COOL kiki pixie thinks you are pretty cool!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

thank you - it was provided by another member =) i like it too. thank you all for the support!
kiya

[multipixie9]

Kiya,

I see what you mean, many of your supporters are going to be out.

BUT, I think a lot of people in here will NOT be out. So, maybe you can just write to us a lot and we will be suppportive and kind.

Your T would not leave you without help unless he/she knew you would be able to get by. Sometimes we get panicked about things and get upset before there is anything to get upset about. Plan for the best, not the worst and see how things go next week.

I know I will be checking on here next week and I will listen and look out for you on here. I'm no T, but I'm something. =) silly me!

Hugs and Reassurement, Leslie and the Pixies

[Kiya]

Thank you pixies! Oy - i have quite the week coming up.... scary appointments on mon, tues, and wed now and no t.
*bites nails*... oh wait, i have no more nails from last week.
Really nervous!!!

[LILITH]

Your plate is running over.....try to slow things down a bit...

Lilith

[Kiya]

ja .... well, the good news is now that T will be in town. As will my other dr.
the... other ... news is that now i see ALL 3 docs on the same day!!! @_@
Mon -SSI Interview
Tues - scary exam
Wed - scary exam, ok dr, and t.

any wonder i am dissociating so much..... i've been finding myself in the hallway, standing there, having no idea why....or leaning on door frames staring into rooms.... and this odd feeling of butterflies being trapped in my body - all over, these nervous flutterings... but i don't know why.

[pegasus]

Keeping an eye on you.

Glad T is back, that is good news!

[multipixie9]

Glad your T is back, Kiya,

Try to remind self to do one thing at a time - you can only go one place at a time.

It really is gonna be ok! Hugs,

Leslie and the Pixies

[wanttoheal]

Glad T is back. Hopefully T can help you ground and feel more stable.

[bipolar_bear]

I am so glad your t is back. Hopefully now you will feel more grounded.

BB

[Kiya]

(((((Pegasus))))) thanks - glad someone is!
(((((Leslie, pixies))))) yeah - am trying!!! I forget the steps....
(((((W2H))))) ty i hope so.... I lost more time today at the Dr.
(((((BBear))))) ja ja.... trying....

After the Dr i went to the store and ran into some guy i know... well, at least i often know him. I didn't today for a lil while. He was this tall guy in a suit talking to me and i was - well, i don't know where I was. But eventually I clued into the present and knew him. Turns out he works in a clinic just 3 streets down from my clinic and wanted to give me the grand tour. Nothing like having to function and be someone else when you're not. Zounds. I hate the questions when i don't know who i am but know i am not the one present... ya know? I knew the answers were wrong and i was supposed to be upbeat and positive. But i was so out of it and also in shock for being caught unawares.