[multipixie9]

I went to the chat room lobby. one by one everybody left. nobody likes me. ouch. i guess i won't go back there. it scares me anyway. i was gonna try to get over being scared of there, but ok. not tonight i won't.

moods are weird things. they can go away just like that, but only when they are bad moods. bad moods get worse fast. they only get good slow.

i want to run away from home. if i wait 12 or so hours someone else is going to leave home and then i will be alone and not care about running away from home. i wish he was already gone cos he's not very sweet. he's grumpy and tired and i asked if i emailed him on his business trip would he email back. he said, "i'll try". boy that made me feel loved. dumb boy. dumb stupid mean boy. fink, rat fink, double rat fink. grrrrrr
i don't like boys they are all dumb rat finks.

pixie rachel and pixie jane and leli ----->members of we hate boys club.

[ILOVECATS]

Originally Posted by multipixie9

I went to the chat room lobby. one by one everybody left. nobody likes me. ouch. i guess i won't go back there. it scares me anyway. i was gonna try to get over being scared of there, but ok. not tonight i won't.

moods are weird things. they can go away just like that, but only when they are bad moods. bad moods get worse fast. they only get good slow.

i want to run away from home. if i wait 12 or so hours someone else is going to leave home and then i will be alone and not care about running away from home. i wish he was already gone cos he's not very sweet. he's grumpy and tired and i asked if i emailed him on his business trip would he email back. he said, "i'll try". boy that made me feel loved. dumb boy. dumb stupid mean boy. fink, rat fink, double rat fink. grrrrrr
i don't like boys they are all dumb rat finks.

pixie rachel and pixie jane and leli ----->members of we hate boys club.

I just wanted to let you know that your not alone. I feel like running away too many times. I guess the only thing to do is not give up.

[sabby]

(((((((((((((( pixie rachel and pixie jane and leli )))))))))))))))

I'm sorry that going into chat made you scared and that people left. Sometimes that happens in chat and I will bet you dollars to donuts it had nothing to do with you personally.....just that chat is like that....people coming and going all the time.

I'll tell you what....if you want to try again sometime, let me know and I will be happy to join you in chat for awhile. Does that sound like something you might like to try? If so, just let me know ok? Send me a pm

Sometimes boys can be rat finks....and sometimes boys can be very caring. Sorry that tonight he was a rat fink. Girls Rule!!!!


sabby

[MINIME]

Yeah chat is rough. We should make a time and go chat. Dont run away. Boys are boys. You are awesome. Ok?

I like you a lot.

[multipixie9]

((((((PC People)))))

I know it is not about me when people leave chat just as I get there. But there have been a lot of times when I wanted to be social and I did
it wrong. Lots of people walked away from me because I didn't get well quick enough or some other reason equally lame but painful. Why is it that the "broken" people are usually the ones who are kinder than the unbroken people?

People have been kind here from the first day I visited. I appreciate that so much. I just want someone I can contact who will accept me even when my mind switches from adult to preschool. gee is that asking too much (read sarcasm here)?

If I can send hugs through the ethernet then consider yourselves warmly and gently hugged from me. A lonely middle-aged woman with the social skills of a kindergardener. Leslie and Pixies

[iamtwilight]

that's not true, i like all of you!

as for myself, i don't go to chat because a) it doesn't work and b) i'm afraid i wouldn't have anything to say and i would get all shy.

Why is it that the "broken" people are usually the ones who are kinder than the unbroken people?

wish i knew! i remember back at the hospital it was much easier to be sociable, there was not one silent moment. and finnish people are very quiet by nature, it was very weird, i have never seen strangers talking like that. now in reality... people are rude, quiet, i feel like they hate me.

but the truth is that it's just the culture, that they are kinda like me, shy, not familiar with me therefore afraid to say something.. they don't know what to say because they don't know me.

these are such weird things, and it takes so much to realise that it's not you.

[multipixie9]

Hey Katie,

That's weird about the hospital. I never told anyone this but I had the best time I'd had in years while I was in the hospital. I got good food. I had only 1 small space to keep up with. I got to learn things and talk to people and we actually talked at night and even laughed over things. Only problem I was hypervigilant and did not sleep more than 2 hours per nite for 2 1/2 weeks until I went home - mysteriously cured by the limits of my insurance coverage....(read HEAVY sarcasm here!!!!) I did decide that for my situation, with my dx the hospital definitely did not hold answers for me. It did warehouse me(at ridiculously large prices) until my urge to commit suicide yielded to time and reason. Sigh...medical psych care in America...at it's finest! !!!

Leslie's inner Cynic! OOOPPPPSS I spelled Finland with 2 n's. lots of n's

[iamtwilight]

sometimes psych care sucks majorly over here as well. my psych nurse told me that if i only have dissociative symptoms it may mean that i'm psychotic (but she also said that it might mean a lot of other things).... weird place.

hospitalisation is most definitely not the 1st place to treat DID or dissociation if its the major problem... usually just makes things worse. i'm glad you had a good time at the hospital though.

(n is a great letter.)

[JudeeB]

Just wanted to say that we like you!

I love your honesty and willingness to say what is on your heart.

(((((Leslie, Pixies, others))))))))

love, Judy and Company

[wanttoheal]

I like you lots ((((((((((((Multipixie))))))))))) and always look forward to your posts.

[Kendyll]

I likes you Pixies just fine!!!

[multipixie9]

Hi katie,

i think i may have written poorly. I didn't have a good time at the hospital. But, there were a few things about it that were better than being out. I had some people to talk with and we were pretty open with each other and that was cool. The food was better because i didn't have to cook while wanting to die. But two hours of sleep a night and 6 psych meetings daily was exhausting - plus they charged so much for them that my insurance ran out super-fast - at which time they declared that i was all better and sent me home though i was not all better, just broke financially. Hospitals can help, but sometimes they just want to put bandaids on compound fractures.....grrrr.....

Leslie/pixies/anxious

[multipixie9]

Hi again Katie,

I gotta laugh at my D.I.D. or something when first I say I had a great time, you congratulate me so I contradict what I first said to say something different and both posts are actually true...which is frickin confusing - even to me. Sigh...communication is hard!!!!

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO POSTED AND REASSURED ME OF YOUR FRIENDSHIP. IT MEANS A WHOLE LOT TO ME. YOU ARE ALL VERY KIND AND GENTLE. HUGS TO ALL OF YOU. YOU MADE A BLUE DAY TURN PALE PINK! L AND PIXIES

[1oxbowgirl]

Just wanted to let you know that chat can be a bit depressing at first, but don't give up on it. You can go in and just visit the rooms and not chat with anyone or look to see who is on-line in chat first, then go on. When I first joined the site and went to chat no one would talk to me. But I found a few friends and when I saw they were on-line in chat I would go on. I would love chatting with you. Also look for I-WMD, he is very understanding and fun to chat with as he has a great sense of humor. Keep posting I love reading what you write. 1Girl