[Kendyll]

Jon and I are both in AA (that's where we met). He's been doing really well and I'm very proud of him. After our meeting last night, I got a surprise visit from Jonny. He told me that Jon and Jonathan were talking about "big boy stuff" in private, so he came to hang out with me. Very cool. Time passed and Jonny said "Oh, they're done. Here comes Jonathan. See you later!"

Jonathan was in a state. He was really upset, crying. He told me that Jon's six months sober really are six months - he (Jonathan) hasn't done anything behind our backs. But it's getting harder. He REALLY wants to drink. He hasn't been to any of these meetings that Jon and I go to and he doesn't understand how Jon got so happy and peaceful. Basically, Jon's been doing that 12-step stuff and Jonathan has just been white-knuckling it.

We talked some more, and I started explaining a little bit about what we've been doing. I don't know if I ought to be his sponsor (I don't think so), but I can help him get through stuff if he wants to. He said he wanted to. He just can't do it at the same time Jon's doing it, or else neither of them will get anything out of it. He said he has to do it himself, and he asked me if I would take him to a meeting.

I'm just a little confused...could an alter need their own recovery/therapy? I guess he could. I know that he's known what Jon is doing. I suppose I just thought...(they) he was more involved. I'm not doubting any of it! I'm just trying to wrap my head around two of them working separate recovery programs. If that's even a good idea...I'm just confused. I want everybody to get better.

Thank goodness Jonny never drank!

[multipixie9]

Hi Kendyll,

I've heard that different alters may need different prescription glasses or NO glasses. It seems reasonable that both may need somewhat different sponsors or recovery.

Another thing, just an idea since I don't know your bf's alts. Can they do anything co-consciously? Is it possible for them to try to share this for the first time. As you know recovery takes time and sustained efforts. I just think that anything they can do together would save time and energy.

Somehow they will work out something for mutual benefit I'm sure. In the midst of all this BE SURE to take good care of Kendyll!!! Your recovery is JUST as important as their's is!!!

Leslie's gang,

[wanttoheal]

Hi Kendyll,
I don't struggle with alcohol so I'm not much help there but my T often talks to the whole here (or anyone listening). She has said that the information will trickle in the more I learn and other parts learn. I am growing and changing and although I miss a lot of sessions and knowing what goes on, it's still affecting and helping me. I think it would be the same there. If one is going to AA, eventually it's going to affect and change other parts, I would think. Don't take my word as gospel though. It's just my opinion.

Good luck in whatever ya'll decide to do.

[Kendyll]

Thanks you guys!

I know that they CAN be somewhat co-conscious, but they tell me that (most of the time) they have to concentrate to make it happen. I think that may be what Jonathan meant when he said they couldn't go at the same time. I think Jonathan's a little scared of being "in charge" in everyday circumstances. It's not his job.

I'm sure there is some of this that DOES get through. Everyone's been working together better lately. More like a team and less like three guys. It's always better that way.

I'm trying to take care of me. It's kinda rough since I can't afford to see my T. Other life stuff is catching up with me. My neighbor and best friend is in the hospital with potential kidney failure, complicated by semi-functional pacemaker/defibrillator (the ones they recalled). My other neighbor "Aunt Mae" is in her first week of radiation following her mastectomy a couple of months ago. I'm really back to basics these days.

That would be weird about the glasses! I'd think that physiognomy would be consistent...Then again, Jon's eyes are slightly different colors and his smile is different depending on who's out.

[bipolar_bear]

Please take care of you too. You are such a kind person who is supporting everyone else but you need support too. I am sorry so many people close to you are experiencing such momentous problems right now. All the more time for self care while you are also there for them. You are such a special person.

BB