could trigger





i don't want to start therapy
i don't want to start on these meds
i don't want to eat
just want to go home
home and hide
everyone fighting
we don't look or feel human anymore

no friends really
people don't make friends with freaks
mean no offense by that
everyone will look away with disgust
disgusting in disgusting out

why am i trying therapy when i'm broken
meds? doctors just want to drug up my brain
a million different ways they think i'm crazy and a freak

they say meds will help
therapy will help
they tell me to eat
stop hurting myself
stop drinking
no bad drugs
but doubt it will, just a freak

a monster or something
a whole pack of ugly freaks

tried to be positive, really did
maybe it'll be easier when i can be home
sorry i haven't been replying to everyone or reading much lately


vince & the pack

[iamtwilight]

(((the pack)))


i'm sorry it's so tough still.

could you at least try therapy? or meds? and if you don't like it then you can always quit.

i don't know what you look like (even if i knew i have never in my life seen a person who looked like a freak) but judging from your posts here you don't seem like one.

it seems to me you're trying your very best. safe hugs

[reddevil]

(((((((((((Vince and the pack))))))))

I wouldn't say you are a freak. I think that when it comes to others, you're a very caring person. You just need to learn that you deserve that too.

[wanttoheal]

Maybe for now you can do it for your children if you can't do it for yourself? Therapy can help you be a better parent. Contrary to what you might think, your children need you Griffe.

Good luck with everything. Thank you for keeping us posted. We care.

(((((((((((((((((((((((( griffe )))))))))))))))))))))))

[Justgiving]

Give a chance to med and therapy.

Give a chance to yourself.

Give a chance to the pack.

[JudeeB]

This is what I deeply believe~

Without help I would have spiraled out of control........

the self-destruct mechanisms would have done their job and I wouldn't be here today free of the torment and chaos.

There came a point where I had to make a choice.....
life or death.

I chose life.
No matter how painful it would be to live I didn't want to die. That would have been THEM winning.

The best revenge is healing.

I got my revenge!
I am alive and free.

Deep within all of us here there was that strong survival instinct, it's what kept us alive and found a way through. We all had a strong will to live. Tapping into that keeps us persevering through all the chaos. We want to live and be free. We need help to find it.

I hear you. I know your pain. You aren't alone. Don't allow the sickos who did this to you win. You have strength you don't even know about.

Judy and Company

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( griffe )))))))))))))))

[pegasus]

(((((( Griffe )))))))

I have been thinking about you a lot recently.

My friend, you have been through so much, an awful childhood, being in a wheelchair, and trying to cope with bereavement also.

The thing is, you are going to have to seek help on this, your way isn't working is it? Please start to trust the professionals and let them help you. Yes, they may put you on meds but that won't be forever. Talking things through instead of stuffing it away is far better.

Take care.

[Fuzzybear]

thanks everyone

i do have a hard time imagining my kids are better off with me alive no matter how much people tell me it's true. it kills me to think that i won't get to hold them when they turn a year, won't get to hear their first words, which i wouldn't if i were dead

i'm just scared. really scared. fear brings up too many old memories. i've never been okay with meds from doctors because of how i feel about doctors and therapy scares me. i'm not used to accepting help. i feel wrong for it. i'm an adult and i feel like i've always been an adult so it'll never be okay for me to say that i can't do everything myself.

i just feel devoid of something, i feel lonely and vulnerable and needing to just hide away i am trying meds and i've agreed to start therapy but i regret it. i just feel like a freak or a monster. i've been made into one.

i just don't know who i am, sometimes i wonder if i know what i am. i feel so beaten and weak, and leaning on someone else has never been something i've felt acceptable for me to do it's hard to tell myself something is okay and that i'm worth it when i don't really feel like i am.

we've all been shattered lately and all scared. even angry which is not something normal trying to work as a team is hard. i don't really trust parts of me. i don't trust anything. i've isolated myself and i can't stand it, but i'm just confused.

k that probably came out as muddled and stupid but i'm not really sure how to type how i feel

I think of you often.. and with great love in my heart... because that is who I am....

If this helps.... I can remember back to a time.. when my child was in my womb... and.. it was at that time... I choose "life".... so mamy years ago.. my son.. will be 24.. on the 24th... so that many years ago...
Broken down... thought I was a freak.. inside and out... scared to death.... and... when I thought of my child... I said ok.. I will do this...

I hope... that you can look at your loved ones... right now.. and.. do as I did.... I couldn't "love" me.... so.. I was "gifted".. with my child... so I would...

Therapy.. is hard... I know... l struggle... yet... I am alive.... and that counts.....

and.. your friends.. here count... we all care... myself.. included... my fellow alters.. they care...

so... I hope.. you.. will try...

freewill..

[multipixie9]

Griffe

You are not a freak and you never were - they lied.

You deserve help, healing and hope - just because, you don't need to earn it.

You are valued, you are wanted, you are needed by your twins and others.

We believe you, your struggles remind us of our own - they were not different. If I could I would give you healing and freedom from pain. I
can't do that, but I CARE.

I can hope for you until you can hope. I can tell you there is healing because I've got some now (even though at some points I wished I could die)

Please let them help you, Some very important lessons are only learned in weakness and in being taught by others.

John Donne was right when He said, "No man is an island." If we could do it alone, on our own - you would be done and fixed by now - but you are not fixed on your own.

If you knew my actual story you would know there is hope for you. My life has been terribly difficult and painful and cruel people did their best to destroy me and God did not let them succeed. You can come out of this dark time and that is my prayer for you, healing and hope Griffe and Pack!

Leslie's Pixies