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#1
Jan 24, 2005, 09:55 PM
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<font color="pink">This post may be long...and it might have little purpose, but I have to post it...because I can't take these issues....and I don't know what to do anymore.....it might not make much sense...but if you read it, please try to understand it...I really need support....Im placing it here ....because it deals with the others...aswell as many other things...
Lilah is depressed.....recently, I've been having difficulty focousing in school. Very much difficulty, I can't draw like I used to...and I've forgotten math, even how to do simple long division....I can't focous on reading nor on computers...which are two of my favorite hobbies. I've lost alot of my interest in drawing aswell. Depressions never hit me this hard.... besides this, there are others inside me whom I call different names....I know that one of them, Lee, has always been around...but the others have become apparent only as of recent. Lee wants me to hurt myself, she also wants me to hurt my friend Dagger...I won't let her, though.... Recently I've been feeling really down, even this forum is starting to make me feel sad...I feel stupid for the things I myself have done...and the others have done. People must really not like me much anymore...Rem stated...that people in this forum doubt me...I wouldn't doubt it - _ - people always do. My father says Im to smart to be someone who hurts herself, to smart to be anything...I can't be myself. I can't be a teenager, I can't show angry...I'm " Just like him " with my adreneline and " Just like my mother " too... In the past they have made fun of each other...my father says my mother was a wh*re who slept with his father, and my mother says my father had her raped. They expect me to be this and that... excedra...I can't be defiant one bit, He usually gets angry and calls me names..but he hasnt hit me in weeks. Lee keeps wanting to come out and ambe keeps wanting to cling to dagger... I'm starting to forget the things that are happening... I have so much so very much to do... myself.... here's a list I made of things to do not while ago.... To Do List : * Draw gaia avis [ been trying to do this one for months ] * Cg all those pictures I'm supposed to be coloring * Finish drawing charactors of other people * Do drawing for Dan-heron * Dry the one lad of laundry, do the other loads. * Fold cloths * Read all those books, especially the manga since it's due in a few days... * Write down data * Finish research and forum post * Wake up and update deviantart * Check e-mail for responses * Get an A in math ( Goal ) * See therapist person * Clean rats cage * Answer all deviantart messages. [ 59 ] * Update animecutie23 account * Re draw all my charactors and give better profile descriptions * Go visit grace homes Monday * Draw Nellie birthday gift * Wish Michael-san Happy birthday [ It's his birthday today ] * Turn in Romeo and Juliet book to Ms. Camillerie before I get fined for it >_< * Comment on artwork that I haven't been commenting on * Organize my bed * Clean up my room * Fold all laundry in my room and put it away * Get Rosie over here so she can help me organize... * Get fan out of room and drawing board off floor * Make journal thing * AA, DA, AO, GAIA, TWHJ, PC, ARTATTACK, ARTWANTED, NEKIO, AF, SC, CA. [ Forum ignitials I must check and correspond at ] * Take shower - brush teeth, Do physical therapy excercises. * Give rodents a bath * Find a place to put ceramics and art studio projects for safe keeping * Vaccum * Schoolwork * Hug Amberly * And anything else I forgot to mention... Dagger.... The girl at school who is my friend and also has did....loves me, yet I still feel like she is angry at me...one of her alters Angel has been hurting her...so I am going to bring to her some medicine tommorrow...I'm very dependant on dagger...very clingy....I wander when that will stop... My relationship with michael has pretty well dimineshed...I can't hold any stable conversations with him on the phone, I just have to hang up...I want to, but I can't...so sleepy, so tired...so lost in it all... There's so much more but I'm so sleepy we're all sleepy we just want to sleep.... Alot of the reason I refuse to believe that I could ever have did...is because alot of those who do...have been sexually abused...which I've never been.... I am afraid of therapy ...because I am afraid..that they'll take me away...my father used to be abusive when I was younger...he used to hit me ...and not but a month ago, was the last of it...same with my brother...but it's all over now.... I'm afraid of my fathers dissaproval aswell... They always call me names.... My name is " Lil ah " We just switched calsses today....we get 4 a semester, then 4 more...I can't remeber any math, or concentrate on anything... father called the whitehouse again...they're spose to be calling back...hopefully to schedual an appointment...but I'm so scared...so very scared.... Reading " the flock " right now...it's a good book, but it's sad...very sad... Daggers mother hates me... ......................... I can't think...so...I'll write the rest later, I'm going to go sleep...right now............... Goodnite... ![The lifeless Dream [ Could Trigger Emotions ]](https://i.mysupportforums.org/images/graemlins/frown.gif) </font>
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Confusion is a destination in life not all must reach. |
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#2
Jan 24, 2005, 11:34 PM
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Thank you for sharing. I'm here if you would like support as I'm share others here would too.
I don't recognize your name that well though. I stay in this forum; all I can do to keep up w/ these posts! Do you have a therapist now? They won't send you away unless 1- you're in danger of harming yourself or 2- you're in danger of harming another. Even those 2 things have to be very serious in order for them to send you away. I had asked my T this question myself. You can talk 'bout hurting yourself or another, the difference is actually having the proverbial knife to wrist. THEN they can remove you but that's not the first course of action for most T's. Most people w/ DID were sexually abused but there are other forms of trauma that can trigger alters, doesn't have to be sexual. Being hit & abused physically or even emotionally by being demeaned & called names, are all forms of trauma. They all can trigger the mind to split. We're not all like Sybil. I myself didn't have "that" bad of a childhood but yet I'm DID. My other 2 sisters were molested more than I was & they're not even close to having an dissociative disorder. So don't sell yourself short. Keep up w/ your To Do list. It'll help you stay focused in real life. It's one of the keys we tend to do that helps. If you need me, feel free to email. I hope this post helps you a little. Love, MarinaJoi |
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#3
Jan 25, 2005, 07:25 PM
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THankyou....I'll reply with better understanding once I feel better...I feel sick right now...hope you understand...but thankyou....
![The lifeless Dream [ Could Trigger Emotions ]](https://i.mysupportforums.org/images/graemlins/Zzzz.gif)
__________________
Confusion is a destination in life not all must reach. |
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#4
Jan 26, 2005, 12:05 AM
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yoo-hoo! I'm the Dagger girl Lilah here mentions. Meet the Pack: 13 mes. Anyways, I am in no right to help my friend Lilah, seeing as she has her own problems. I want to get it out of the way that I try to support my friend, but cannot. I am young. I cannot take care of anyone other than myself. I apologize deeply if that offends anyone.
Moving along, you'll be fine, Lilah. I know you don't understand what's going on, but trust me; I have met your other personalities. Some are dangerous, some are innocent enough. But please do work on getting a therapist. I won't be able to help. I'll still be your friend. |
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#5
Jan 26, 2005, 12:14 AM
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Your statement just hurts me...you've helped me in more ways then you'll ever understand, yes I'll see a therapist...but I still need you. You can't suport me ? Then what is it you do when you hang out with me at lunch or offer me hugs...? Just pity or something...?
![The lifeless Dream [ Could Trigger Emotions ]](https://i.mysupportforums.org/images/graemlins/Sob.gif)
__________________
Confusion is a destination in life not all must reach. |
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#6
Jan 26, 2005, 12:18 AM
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... You have totally manipulated what I said. I will be your friend. I do support you. I do love you. I do not give you pity. I refuse to. All of the Pack resents pity. And I know how I've helped you. If you refuse to see that, that is your problem. I do understand. I have seen the changes. Do not assume I am some lowly girl who has taken a psychology class or two. I am 17.
Yes, you do need a thereapist. So go get one. And I know you still cling to me, although you shouldn't. I DO support you. Why can't you see this? -Brianna |
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#7
Jan 26, 2005, 12:25 AM
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I'll talk to dagger tommorrow at lunch....
__________________
Confusion is a destination in life not all must reach. |
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#8
Jan 27, 2005, 09:39 PM
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Anybody else?
__________________
Confusion is a destination in life not all must reach. |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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