[miserycriz]

Did good though wrote a long e-mail to her. told her how we were really feeling not I but allowing other's to explain just a little not to much to be too vulnerable but enough for her too see just how much is going on inside!! So now we have some level ground to work on tomorrow and we can feel around to see if it's safe...I told her it's not safe for the other's to talk in her office..IT's too quiet..I feel that there in jeporady there..People outside can hear too easily..I alway's listen too see if you can hear even if it's not exactly the words laughter emotions that's all vulnerability state...That's NOT at all OKAY by me to put ua at risk you know? So I explained that too her..We will talk about that...The mother treated them very badly yesterday so it was a bad day. Alot is hurting inside today..Don't feel so well but trying to maintain. Feel scared and alone inside is a mess of worries and concerns and flashbacks of all sorts of things...For me out here it's alot of OH MY GOD what parts' are they withholding if I can remember up to this point who has this memory and what is that memory??? That is stomach turning to be quite frank..I need a safe place to write to express some of my thoughts and allow them to express theres just not sure how it will come about...So much pain in there so much...
MC

[multipixie9]

dear mc,

i know something about feeling such overwhelming pain inside and needing to find a safe place to put it all. i am proud of you for posting here today.

do you have any safe, private place for the others to post? i knew someone who got a lock box and kept her journal in the box, locked and put the lock box in the trunk of her car! then she felt she had
a safe place to put her thoughts down.

some people put them on computer in a password protected file - which is great if you know how to do it and they can't guess your
password. i have no idea how to do that myself..

getting things out of my head and somewhere else can be a big relief some days.

i am sorry the mother person was bad to them yesterday. that is horrible and wrong. for now, mc, just try and keep your physical self out of harms way. be as nice to you as you can be until you
go to see T. you are doing some good things for all of you! hugs,

leslie and pixies

[turquoisesea]

random idea, is there any way that you could have your T turn on some music outside in the waiting area, and also inside the room, and you and your T sit closer so you can hear eachother?

that way no one could hear, but you'd be safer to come out and have the emotions?

[Sannah]

MC

[miserycriz]

thanks everyone for your replies...the appointment was super duper hard..our body was totally in shock!!! we talked more today then we have in the whole YEAR in therapy...it was the hardest day we have had ever..we almost threw up numerous times..we are having a very hard day but we made huge progress with our t and cant be more proud of ourselves truly..out t now knows that the amount of pain inside is so great that we hold and is so much more understanding and we see a side to her that is caring and compassionate now...thank you all for talking with us..we are hurting very badly but t said it's going to be a very rough journey..thing is the stuff we told her wasnt even the bad stuff we told her that and she was a little so we felt almost proud of ourselves for not being so wimpy about how good we have been that we aren't as weak as those mean people said we were i know it's wrong to gloat sp? over a very serious situation but that's how inside the "other's" were feeling...

MC

[multipixie9]

mc, i do not see what you were doing as "gloating". i see you as rejoicing in the fact that YOU DID SOMETHING VERY HARD!!! YOU WERE VERY BRAVE!! i do not flatter people, i think it is mean. so, i am being sincere when i tell you that you did a really good thing and for what it may be worth - I AM PROUD OF YOU!

when you do hard things and see that you can do them, it is very empowering and motivating. yes, at times it will still be hard, but i think you have passed a very significant mile-stone!!! i wish you all the best as you grow and get better.

leslie and the pixies

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((((((miserycriz))))))))))) Sounds like you did great talking to T! I'm glad you have found someone who you can trust and who is helping.

[turquoisesea]

*so proud of you*

I don't know if I could even do that myself, so I'm really really REALLY proud and glad for you
loads of hugs, and hope you're doing ok

[Sannah]

MC!!!!!!!! Good work!!!!!!! I am so happy for you!!!!!!!!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by multipixie9

mc, i do not see what you were doing as "gloating". i see you as rejoicing in the fact that YOU DID SOMETHING VERY HARD!!! YOU WERE VERY BRAVE!! i do not flatter people, i think it is mean. so, i am being sincere when i tell you that you did a really good thing and for what it may be worth - I AM PROUD OF YOU!

when you do hard things and see that you can do them, it is very empowering and motivating. yes, at times it will still be hard, but i think you have passed a very significant mile-stone!!! i wish you all the best as you grow and get better.

leslie and the pixies

[miserycriz]

thank all of your for the replies they are very encouraging and make us all feel very good... Today we kinda feel "hung over"...I guess that is to be expected..Headaches tummy aches what not...Flash backs are overwhelming..In and out here and there not sure what's going on one minute from the next..Just feeling spaced out?? I know it's just going to be the road that we are about to travel no doubt about that...Just trying to stay grounded and not sure what to ground too? Feel so numb yet so full of emotions...Full of flashbacks and I kept thinking I seen that icky mans cologne like I went out and bought it all over the house yesterday but it's flashbacks and nowthat I am writing this hout have I realized that it's flashbacks and it's NOT in the house!!! Whoah...Sigh...wanting to cry and hide and be safe but can't cuz have to keep my mask strong and "normal" for the safety of the kiddos...

thanks to everyone here for listening...Just the hugz means sooo much to know I am NOT alone really it does,
MC

[Sannah]

You are safe now MC. You are working so hard. I am glad that you found PC ..........

[miserycriz]

((((Sannah))))

Thanks!!!
I am glad we have found PC too!!! It's defniately becoming harder each minute hour and day...Finding things a bit more confusing and having to basically keep pen and paper with me allot more by the hour it seems as I catch glimpses of things I didn't seem to notice before but now seems to matter?? Not sure if that makes sense? It's like learning a whole other language?....

MC

[Sannah]