[fairygirl]

if we are intruding please let us know feel so strange today learning grounding techniques from t always ask so many questions if you see something how do you know its really there people think were crazy maybe we are got ssd today but cant have dd into own account because the state drs think we cant handle money heck we have supported a baby for almost 6 years now but cuz things got bad and work was screwy and now we no longer go there we cant handle money so now we have to ask for money from the representative payee which is the mother the car is breaking down and the babys father wants back in his life hasnt paid him any mind until we signed divorce papers now he wants responsibility whats up with that/ why the urge to si or drowned but we hang on for the baby he is the world
sorry
KC <font color="green"> </font>

KC,

No need to apologize for your ramble.

One thought on why the urge to si or do harm by some other method ( I think you mentioned drowning) is that when working hard in therapy connecting back to painful past traumas can also take us back to a time of feeling helpless. When feeling helpless at such a young age (for most...I am making generalization of early childhood trauma) instead of becoming angry or fighting back---which probably weren't options--------we internalize that anger and it becomes self blame for whatever occurred back then.

So when we work on this in therapy we are reminded of that helpless feeling which by now we've honed into some harmful coping mechanism. Many use SI. Some turn that self blame into self hatred and punish the body through food either too much or not enough. Others berate themselves until only a shadow of the person remains.

It is normal to feel those feelings of wanting to harm.........healing means understanding that those feelings are just that.....feelings......and they do not have to be acted upon. It isn't easy to learn to sit and be with our uncomfortable feelings especially after so many years of not feeling by utilizing diss.

there's the hussy's ramble for you

[SweetCrusader]

~*~ KC ~*~

You are NOT intruding. You are ALWAYS welcome here. I don't have any words of wisdom for you to add to what zh already said. She's one smart cookie! But I just want you to know that I know what it's like to feel bad enough you want to hurt yourself. ANd I am hoping for you that you can work your way through the pain without hurting yourself. You don't deserve more pain.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

Angela

[RhysMadison]

KC, please never think you are intruding. Support forums are just that, for support! If none of us posted, there'd be no support!! & the way I always see it is when someone posts, it helps others think 'bout their own lives from different perspectives. For me, I get those AHA moments, like Now I understand!
As for the hurting yourself, I understand that too. I don't cut or anything, just hit. You're doing the right thing in not hurting yourself. I had asked my T once, 'cos I was suicidal, if she would send me away (one of my biggest fears). She said thinking 'bout it is different than actually having the proverbial knife to wrist. When you talk 'bout it, you're still serious 'bout wanting to do it, but you're also serious 'bout wanting to STOP yourself from doing it.
Please keep us informed on what's happening. We do care here!
Love,
RhysMadison

[Mahali]

KC
Welcome and we all ramble at some time. It is just sometimes easier to just say it than to try and edit because then we will erase it all and continue on as before. Without the support we so deparetely need.

These three wise people who have answered before me have said all that I could offer...except my support along with thiers.

Take care,