[Kendyll]

Actually, he's not new. He's just not part of the team.

They don't really even know he exists and they don't share any consciousness. I've heard him call himself J.T. before and last week he gave the name Trevor. Yesterday he told me that he didn't even have a name. He alternates between being a very shy, scared kid and an anti-social adult. I met him months ago, at Jon's old apartment. This is the one that scared me so badly, the one who (as an adult) actually wants to hurt one or both of us. I'm not as afraid of that as I used to be, but he's still creating havoc from the background.

I got to speak with the child manifestation yesterday for a few minutes. Poor guy. He wants to be "part of" like everybody else. He may have been around longer than any of the rest - he says he's been around since before Jon was nine. He remembers "what she did" and "what he did" to him (no further details yet). He's very lonely and scared, and he's not connected to everyone else. He told me he likes the nice lady he talked to at the doctor's office (our T). I told him that he can talk to me if he gets lonely.

The adult manifestation may be harder to deal with - but he knows I'm not afraid of him now. I really can't tell if they're the same or not, but they say they are, so I'll ride with that. I'm not surprised that "the team" aren't the only identities in there...

This was just a problem because Trevor has been sneaking alcohol into the house. Jon has been working so hard to stay sober...and here's someone under the radar acting with complete disregard for the rest of the system, endangering everbody. The guys know there's a problem now and they'll be on alert for this sort of thing. It certainly answers some questions, ties up some loose ends.

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((((((Kendyll)))))))))))) I'm glad some questions are answered for you all. I'm so glad the new T is working out. Thanks for keeping us posted.

[Kiya]

((((((((((((((((Kendyl)))))))))))))))

"This was just a problem because Trevor has been sneaking alcohol into the house. Jon has been working so hard to stay sober...and here's someone under the radar acting with complete disregard for the rest of the system"

Boy do I understand this one well. I also have an alter (who does not believe herserlf to be an alter, nor does she understand or believe she is DID) who also drinks - which is a medical problem for us. Some days are more of a struggle than others.
Hope you are ok and glad he is not hurting you any more. You do not deserve to be hurt by anyone.

[Kendyll]

Is it possible for an alter to shift back and forth...to have a split personality, so to speak?

It's Trevor. He seems to be two people - a very frightened, hurt child and an almost sociopathic adult. Actually, this is very similar to the way J.T. came to be part of the team. When I first "met" J.T. HE was this same sociopathic guy with a child shadow. As the child part became connected to the others (Jonathan and Jonny), he became the defender against the "bad guy" (instead of "part of"). Now the creepy, dangerous guy shows up again with "another" child-part...???

I'd like to talk to the child-Trevor.

It's hard for me to stay out of Jon's therapy. I know and understand that this is his journey, his life to untangle...but I want to know more. I want to help. If there's any triggers I can easily avoid, I'd like to know about them. If there are alters feeling alone and unwanted, I want to let them know they don't have to be alone anymore. I try to stay neutral. I try not to ask for anyone else unless we really need them.

In other news, Jonathan would like to be part of our wedding ceremony (if it's OK with Jon and everyone else). That's so cool to me. I won't be marrying just the part I met in the beginning. I'll be marrying all of him and I'd like them all to know that.

[multipixie9]

kendyll, as i read what you wrote i see again how challenging it is to love someone who is split like we are. it is so complicated inside for us and now i see a bit more how it can be so rough on the people we love. i also see how much you need support and people to understand what you go through so that we can support you here too and so that we can better understand what we put the people we love the most through sometimes. i try and keep my alts away from phil because he doesn't choose to believe that we are really split and i've felt justifiably bummed out over that, but hearing from you makes me see how much i may confuse and complicate things for phil and make his life harder and less secure and comforting and cozy/secure/ affectionate. wow!

kendyll, be sure to take good care of you and do not let any alt treat you badly or make you feel physically endangered, that is just not ok at all!!! home should be safe for you as much as for jon and parts. gee, i do not mean to get all preachy, but it concerns me when i hear of any part threatening someone's safety. i guess that triggers me. take good care of you while you try and be good to jon and his system. you matter every bit as much.

leslie and pixie chicks

[Kendyll]

I did get to meet child-Trevor. He's a little scared of me - he doesn't trust grown-ups - but he says the others told him that I'm OK. He said that Jon's been having lots of bad memories and questions about when he was a kid, and that maybe he (Trevor) can answer some of the questions.

I haven't seen the Bad Guy again. I really wonder about him, and what his role in the system is. The others won't let him lay a hand on me - I've seen that. And this last time, when I wasn't afraid of him, he didn't seem to be in such a hurry to try anything either. I'm more worried about him lurking behind the scenes and sabotaging Jon's recovery.

It's just really weird - every time this guy shows up, so does another child.

And in other news, Jon's been having seizures. This is new to me, although Trevor told me that he's had them on and off since "Bob" (apparently a stepfather) knocked him off the porch and "broke his head".

[supplanter]

Well, Thank goodness we now have answers to some issues.
keep it up.