[jopepsi]

i hate my life, all these feelings i dont know what to do with them or how to deal with them, especially finding out about all of us and losing so much time and just feeling so distant from everyone, my family and the whole world, i feel so all alone, yet i know im not if that makes sense, im a survivor for some reason but cant figure out why, im so bad i dont deserve to be here, but if i wasnt here they would have won, so its like playing tug of war with myself i guess, one minute its like just die and get it over with and the next minute is like no then you let them win so what am i to do, my t has recommended coloring, playing, writing and lots of other things, but i feel stupid coloring and doing childhood things cause ive never done them before, my husband and daughter dont say anything against me, sometimes they just laugh and go on and other times theyre like what is wrong with you and what have you done with my wife or mother. ok i will hush now sorry to babble on.

[JudeeB]

I relate to that tug o'war in the mind and emotions. I remember when it all felt overwhelming. This sounds like a worn out cliche but when I was able to do it , it was helpful; take one day at a time. When I felt the most overwhelmed was when I started projecting that it would always be this way and would never get better.

Here I am 17 years after DX and my life is better than it ever was. I have a few friends, I do good helping others in a 12 step group, and I have peace with my handful of remaining alters. The chaos, the nightmares, the flashbacks, body memories and time lost are all a thing of the past. I still have mild chronic depression, I still have some self worth issues left over from childhood, but on the whole I do have peace.

The thoughts that we don't deserve______ , are lies, false beliefs. We deserve what everyone deserves, love, respect and acceptance. We have to learn to love, respect and accept ourselves too. If we don't have this for ourselves then it's impossible to receive it from others when it is there.

Just some thoughts from a fellow survivor,
Judy

[Rasta Rascal]

You’re not alone! Remember, a jigsaw puzzle is made up of many pieces that when put together make a complete picture. It takes time to complete a puzzle and often we try to put pieces in the wrong place. Why do we start with the edges first? We start there because it’s easier to put the puzzle together within a framework. With time and therapy, your puzzle will begin to take shape and eventually you will see the finished picture. Just know that it’s not unusual to feel the way you do now and that things will get better. Be encouraged by knowing that many of us have been where you are and over time have put the pieces together and are moving on with our lives. By the way, I still colour, play with my race cars, fly kites and write in my journal when I’m feeling stressed. Take care of you!

[Hunny]

Jopepsi,

When I first learned about my separate parts, I remember I wanted to get out of my body. I did not want to live inside this body anymore.

I really like that you used the idea of a jigsaw puzzle to describe yourself, even if you are at present, torn apart. When jigsaw puzzles are put back together again, it is usually, one piece at a time and they turn out to be beautiful! I like puzzles. !

Also, sometimes a piece goes back easily and sometimes a piece seems to take forever to find it's place.

I really like Judee's idea of the 12 Step Groupwork, in the meantime, because they use the concept of one day at a time (sometimes one minute) and another focus they support is the concept that you must take care of you. I have benefitted so much from a 12 step group.

[jopepsi]

Originally Posted by JudeeB

I relate to that tug o'war in the mind and emotions. I remember when it all felt overwhelming. This sounds like a worn out cliche but when I was able to do it , it was helpful; take one day at a time. When I felt the most overwhelmed was when I started projecting that it would always be this way and would never get better.

Here I am 17 years after DX and my life is better than it ever was. I have a few friends, I do good helping others in a 12 step group, and I have peace with my handful of remaining alters. The chaos, the nightmares, the flashbacks, body memories and time lost are all a thing of the past. I still have mild chronic depression, I still have some self worth issues left over from childhood, but on the whole I do have peace.

The thoughts that we don't deserve______ , are lies, false beliefs. We deserve what everyone deserves, love, respect and acceptance. We have to learn to love, respect and accept ourselves too. If we don't have this for ourselves then it's impossible to receive it from others when it is there.

Just some thoughts from a fellow survivor,
Judy

wow thank you so much, so then there is hope and peace at some time then that does help very much to know this, is there a place i can find the 12 step group? and even though i know its not fun to be like this is really does help to know there are others out there and that there is help. thank you so much for your reply

[jopepsi]

Originally Posted by IceStatue

Jopepsi,

When I first learned about my separate parts, I remember I wanted to get out of my body. I did not want to live inside this body anymore.

I really like that you used the idea of a jigsaw puzzle to describe yourself, even if you are at present, torn apart. When jigsaw puzzles are put back together again, it is usually, one piece at a time and they turn out to be beautiful! I like puzzles. !

Also, sometimes a piece goes back easily and sometimes a piece seems to take forever to find it's place.

I really like Judee's idea of the 12 Step Groupwork, in the meantime, because they use the concept of one day at a time (sometimes one minute) and another focus they support is the concept that you must take care of you. I have benefitted so much from a 12 step group.

thank you so much for replying, cool glad you like puzzles also, i love them, and have many lol, but have felt like a jigsaw puzzle torn apart for years, but now at least i can hold on to the hope there is help, thanks to the replys you all have left. it really has helped me just knowing others are doing much better now.

[Hunny]

Jopepsi,

It's easy to find a 12 Step Group. I go to an Alanon Adult Child of Alcoholics Group. But, there are other 12 Step Groups for whatever ails you. I don't say that going to one is like going to them all but they have similar steps, traditions and concepts. There are even some 12 Step Groups online. Do give them a try, about 6 meeting is what they suggest.

All the best!

[jopepsi]

Originally Posted by JudeeB

I relate to that tug o'war in the mind and emotions. I remember when it all felt overwhelming. This sounds like a worn out cliche but when I was able to do it , it was helpful; take one day at a time. When I felt the most overwhelmed was when I started projecting that it would always be this way and would never get better.

Here I am 17 years after DX and my life is better than it ever was. I have a few friends, I do good helping others in a 12 step group, and I have peace with my handful of remaining alters. The chaos, the nightmares, the flashbacks, body memories and time lost are all a thing of the past. I still have mild chronic depression, I still have some self worth issues left over from childhood, but on the whole I do have peace.

The thoughts that we don't deserve______ , are lies, false beliefs. We deserve what everyone deserves, love, respect and acceptance. We have to learn to love, respect and accept ourselves too. If we don't have this for ourselves then it's impossible to receive it from others when it is there.

Just some thoughts from a fellow survivor,
Judy

thank you very much, it does help to read what people post here, or at least i do feel somewhat better just knowing there are others out there and they are doing better now