[possum220]

Last week I saw my shrink I left totally angry and frustrated with my lack of progress.

Today I asked him if he knew about One Eye Integration or Body Memories. He said he didn't but was willing to take a look at it. So next week I will go in with information on these and see what happens. He said he would be happy to refer me to any-body who deals with them if he could find some-one local.

He also mentioned that no matter what a persons DX is one important thing is the relationship between the T and the patient. I really understand that as I wasted my previous four years with a shrink who was an expert in the field but I didnt really bond with him.

I certainly dont want to waste the last three years, as I think that this T does care, we also get along well. At least he is open to new ideas. So we will see how it goes.....

Possum

[DianasClan]

good luck keep us posted.

Diana

[Hunny]

Possum,

Hopefully you can find some help in the days to come.

[multipixie9]

Hi Possum,

I certainly agree with you about the need to bond with your T. That has to be a huge part of a healthy working relationship. I am grateful that the first T I saw recognized that I was not able to really open up with him due to certain of my issues and He got me in touch with the woman who has worked with me for so long.

I know you are really wanting to dig in and get things done in therapy, Possum, but imho it is unhelpful to badger yourself about how fast you go in therapy. Those of us who are DID are often very complicated to work with and it takes lots of time to sort things out and work them through. I know I kept pushing and pushing and fretting about my progress only to finally see that it slowed things down because of the negative messages it sent to the alters involved. I look back and think I sent messages that were unkind and uncaring - basically "just hurry up why don't you"!!! in my mind things like that shut my system down and created anger and resistance.

I am not saying that you are doing that, Possum, I just saw that in myself. When I was able to start being more nurturing and more tuned in to the feelings, needs of my alts it helped life and growth a whole lot more. all the best!

leslie and her pixies

[Hunny]

Thanks Leslie & pixies,

How true!

Ice

[DianasClan]

Thanks Leslie & pixies,

This is something I hope Diana reads.

Denise of the clan

[possum220]

Dearest Leslie and her Pixies,

Oh my..... You hit the nail right on the head. I have been badgering myself and getting frustrated and angry because of the lack of progress. I even told my shrink that I didn't think I had DID. But last night I asked "them" why they wouldn't come out and they said they would get bashed up by the anger. Anger doesn't let them speak. He is very abusive.

Because they don't come out I had started putting them down to a fertile imagination. They aren't really real. But the different voices that come out are real. One has come out once, and that was 9 long years ago at my fathers funeral. Because I haven't seen her since I doubted her existence. But she was so real at that time.

I think that my shrink has tried to get me to lighten up on myself and not be so angry, but your words have just let me have a huge sigh of relief. Its damn hard work being so angry all the time inside myself.

Thank - you so much Leslie and her pixies, You are a treasure.

Possum

[multipixie9]

dear possum,

yea!!! i am very happy for you all. that tension thing is a killer, metaphorically speaking.

you are getting the benefit of my learning the hard way by making the exact same mistake. many people had to tell me to "lighten up".

i felt sad about being so pushy/angry with my insiders. my T helped me realize that every part i have has done their job believing they were helping me, even parts who did things that are not what i want "up front". other parts did things we don't like for reasons they thought would benefit us (sometimes with unfortunate results). Can you say complicated? =)

I'm glad that encourages you, it makes me feel good that something good is coming from my experiences. It is totally cool if you can see and "get" something faster than I did. that would be totally awesome!

I am just now beginning to acknowledge my anger. Those who abused me demanded I not have my own anger, so i suppressed it and denied it. So, I probably don't know why you are angry, but I'm really sure you have a good reason for anger, just not at yourself - at those who hurt you bad enough for you to need to split it of. I like it when I get an awareness that helps me and i really like it when I get to share something and someone else gets something they need.

This is a journey toward healing that you are on. The destination is NOT the whole point - which bummed me out since I spent a number of years agitating myself and all around me trying to get there so I could finally relax and not feel terrible.

The journey can be hard and discouraging and amazing and interesting. we DID folk are seldom dull. It took years for us to learn to do the things we did to survive. Therefore, it really is ok to take the needed time to heal well so we can discovered the healed life however it is shaped.

I feel a little philosophical about what I wrote, but it really is from my heart and my experiences. The more we all get to know, the better off we all will be. Secrets made us sick and the light of insight and recovery will do a lot to make us well. See you soon.

Dear Ice and Denise thank you for your kind words. I'm looking forward to knowing all of you better. hugs for any who want them,

leslie and her pixies