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  #1  
Old Dec 14, 2008, 08:15 AM
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beadlady29-old beadlady29-old is offline
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so heavey.......filled with memories and feelings we don not want.......
we wnat nothing to do with..............hurteds so bad...................
it hurteds so much were actually feeling it...enough to have tears streaming down our face..........how unusual..........trying to think of a better time, a better place
there is none at the moment

bead
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Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them."
~ Hugh Miller

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  #2  
Old Dec 14, 2008, 10:41 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Mary I am sorry........ . Sometimes we just have to be with our feelings and grieve though. We are here with you...
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
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  #3  
Old Dec 15, 2008, 01:09 AM
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beadlady29-old beadlady29-old is offline
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oh sannah..................this is so hard........................this is one of very few times bead has ever had anyone to 'greive'..........like first time as adult...... this is sooooooooo hard.....should not be haveing to do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bead
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...can..

.....will.....

just.............see


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Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them."
~ Hugh Miller
  #4  
Old Dec 15, 2008, 09:34 AM
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I'm sorry Mary ........... If you let yourself have your feelings their intensity will lesson so it will get better....
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
beadlady29-old
  #5  
Old Dec 15, 2008, 10:53 PM
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we are sorry for the emotions and hurt you are having...stay safe bead...it won't last forever, even if it feels like it right now...
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beadlady29-old
  #6  
Old Dec 16, 2008, 07:59 AM
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((bead))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am sorry you are hurting so much. I am standing next to. You are not alone.

BB
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our heart is so heavy.............


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  #7  
Old Dec 16, 2008, 12:14 PM
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silentandscared silentandscared is offline
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((((((((((((((((bead )))))))))))))))))))))

we are standing here with you too...............sorry that your hearts is heavy ladened with all these hurts, it will get better hunny keep holding onto that rope..................we have a tight hold of you hunny

Mandyxx

our heart is so heavy.............

our heart is so heavy.............
our heart is so heavy.............

we are all here hunny standing with you follow the angel to the waterfall we are always safe there............and your tears will release that pain hunny
Mandyxx
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our heart is so heavy.............
"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish....
few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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  #8  
Old Dec 17, 2008, 11:35 PM
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beadlady29-old beadlady29-old is offline
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((((((((((((((((((((Sannah)))))))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((TheJewelsofEagles)))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((BipolarBear)))))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((silentandscared)))))))))))))))))))
thanks so much to all of you for your replys and support.
it is so hard to ALLOW ourself to FEEL anything.............
something we usually avoid.........
maybe we should not avoid the
inevitable.............
mandy we are holding onto the rope tight with
both hands!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bead
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...can..

.....will.....

just.............see


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Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them."
~ Hugh Miller
  #9  
Old Dec 18, 2008, 07:20 AM
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(((beadlady)))

i'm glad to hear from you, been thinking of you since you've been gone. i'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. it will get better. lots of safe hugs to you,


twilight
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花鳥風月

c'est tout ce que j'aime
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beadlady29-old
  #10  
Old Dec 18, 2008, 09:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beadlady29 View Post
it is so hard to ALLOW ourself to FEEL anything.............
something we usually avoid.........
maybe we should not avoid the
inevitable.............
The only way for the feelings to go away is for us to feel them and then they will leave. Of course you have to go at your own pace and maybe feel a little at a time so that you don't get flooded? Your T will know what to do ............
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
beadlady29-old
  #11  
Old Dec 18, 2008, 12:18 PM
pugnose pugnose is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beadlady29 View Post
so heavey.......filled with memories and feelings we don not want.......
we wnat nothing to do with..............hurteds so bad...................
it hurteds so much were actually feeling it...enough to have tears streaming down our face..........how unusual..........trying to think of a better time, a better place
there is none at the moment

bead
I feel your pain and understand. They say time heals all wounds but I don't think in our case that is true. Only good therapy has gotten me by these past 10 years. Please know that I care.
Pugnose and her peeps
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"Happiness is not a matter of events, it depends upon the tides of the mind."
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beadlady29-old
  #12  
Old Dec 18, 2008, 06:46 PM
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((((((((((BEAD))))))))))

Isn't it amazing how we see ourselfs as weak, but in reality are stronger for who we are...remember that a three-braided rope is impossible to break...and since there's so many of us weaving into that rope to help you hold on, you ain't going anywhere anytime soon!!!

We are all with you, surrounding you, holding on to you so you can rest some... abbi
Thanks for this!
beadlady29-old, multipixie9
  #13  
Old Dec 20, 2008, 10:10 PM
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((Bead))))))))))))))))))))
Sorry you are dealing with so much.... supporting you in thoughts!!!!
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Credits: ChildlikeEmpress and Pseudonym for this lovely image.



our heart is so heavy.............alt="Universal Life Church | ULC" border="0">
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beadlady29-old
  #14  
Old Dec 21, 2008, 04:01 AM
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multipixie9 multipixie9 is offline
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mary,

the heaviness in your heart is the weight of all the unshed tears. when you let yourself feel the grief, cry out the tears then there is room to heal and be restored. it will not always be this way, it is getting better little by little.

hang in and don't give up!

leslie and pixies
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HEALING HAPPENS
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  #15  
Old Dec 21, 2008, 06:19 AM
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beadlady29-old beadlady29-old is offline
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(((((((((((((((((iamtwilight)))))))))))))))))
thanksyou much for the safe hugs.........................bead aint figure exactly th how out yet but her know we will get thru all of this muck with ye all's help!
there is the will, so there must be a way! we just has to find it

mary
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...can..

.....will.....

just.............see


come visit my photo albums and see some pictures of mary's beadwork

http://forums.psychcentral.com/album.php?albumid=305


Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them."
~ Hugh Miller
  #16  
Old Dec 21, 2008, 06:24 AM
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beadlady29-old beadlady29-old is offline
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sannah this may not make much sense so please bear with bead as her try to explain..........
like we leaved office knowing that this is smartest T we ever had.............
yet at the same time we left his office feeling completely shocked and with our guts hanging out and dragging on the floor as we walked away...........it was so weird it was like he had been walking around inside our head...and we did not really even talk much about any bad rememberies ( for the part of the session bead remember anyway) just garbage bead had in her journal that did not even make sense to her and def. never thought anyone would ever take the time to read it! Sannah he almost made toooooooooo much sense out of it..very scarey..............cant get rid of this scared feeling! will NOT go away...

mary
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...can..

.....will.....

just.............see


come visit my photo albums and see some pictures of mary's beadwork

http://forums.psychcentral.com/album.php?albumid=305


Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them."
~ Hugh Miller
  #17  
Old Dec 21, 2008, 06:31 AM
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beadlady29-old beadlady29-old is offline
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pugnose and her peeps............
thanks for being here with bead on this whacked out thing they like to call a 'journey'.
more like a trip on the other side of hell and back!.............
like does the therapy really even do any good? is it WORTH it?
bead has been in therapy for about 5 years now and only known DID for 2 or maybe 3 years ( cant remember how long imao) it does NOT seem to be getting any gooder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just so much harder and painful!!!!!!!!!!!!
we is so tired of struggling that is why we ask is it worth all of this?????

mary
__________________
...can..

.....will.....

just.............see


come visit my photo albums and see some pictures of mary's beadwork

http://forums.psychcentral.com/album.php?albumid=305


Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them."
~ Hugh Miller
  #18  
Old Dec 21, 2008, 06:42 AM
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beadlady29-old beadlady29-old is offline
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theJewelsofEagles..........................
we is sooooooooooooo very very thankful and appreciative tht you are holding on
so tite..............we believes you that you will not let go and that really does help to give bead the strength to at least keep putting one foot in front of the other..........
how odd that u should mention strength...........our old T used to tell bead offen that she
thought that bead was the strongest woman her had ever worked with and she did not hand out compliments too offen...........
how can is it that bead is strong when her feels, exactly as you say.........very very small and weak!
and then u mentions rest.......................we would say you dont know the half of it but we gets the idea that yes, maybe well you prolly do.........
the fear is ever-present..........ALWAYS there......ALWAYS........not safe to rest cant watch her back (or her front for that matter) when we allows ourself to rest if it happen on accident while we is sitting on couch for them short 20-30 minute intervals, then so be it..otherwise no can let ouself do!
is so helpful and strengthening to know that others are walking this path, and have even
already walked it in a sense....with us!!!!!!!!
mary
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...can..

.....will.....

just.............see


come visit my photo albums and see some pictures of mary's beadwork

http://forums.psychcentral.com/album.php?albumid=305


Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them."
~ Hugh Miller
  #19  
Old Dec 21, 2008, 06:50 AM
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beadlady29-old beadlady29-old is offline
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oh kiya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thanks so much for always giving bead your continuing support.................what a rock!
kiya is so much on our plate rite now adn we just want to give it all back to wherever it come from but it dont go away..........is like constantly being bombarded with spit-balls and they stick.........they dont fall off or disinegrate..........
somehow some way must move forward we keeps putting one foot in front of the other but we dont seem to be moving forward arghhhhhhhh we will NOT quit trying to get to the other end of this tunnel because that is not our way but seems like longer then forever and a day getting there..............fursatrated to the max also|!!!!!!!
so we just gotta keep trying to find some kinda good thoughts in the midst of the muck!
and maybe someday there would be new memories to make.....good ones we mean ( not likely but we can wish all we wants its free)

mary
__________________
...can..

.....will.....

just.............see


come visit my photo albums and see some pictures of mary's beadwork

http://forums.psychcentral.com/album.php?albumid=305


Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them."
~ Hugh Miller
  #20  
Old Dec 21, 2008, 02:07 PM
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silentandscared silentandscared is offline
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bead always here hunny

wish wa do more to takes them hurts awaay fron you
but we not make much senses of it at moment
just know we is here with you and you are not on your own going through dis we is walkin the same road with you
stay safe luvs you loads
Mandy and somexxx
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our heart is so heavy.............
"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish....
few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
Thanks for this!
beadlady29-old
  #21  
Old Dec 21, 2008, 02:14 PM
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beadlady29-old beadlady29-old is offline
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{mandy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

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...can..

.....will.....

just.............see


come visit my photo albums and see some pictures of mary's beadwork

http://forums.psychcentral.com/album.php?albumid=305


Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them."
~ Hugh Miller
  #22  
Old Dec 21, 2008, 02:20 PM
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Jewels Jewels is offline
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Mary, we have found that allowing the host to rest and at the same time watching is very time consuming and difficult at best. But we found that if we put Yahna to sleep in her inside room, we are able to be out and aware so things don't happen to us while the body is resting. We put the twins and our big protector out front so we can relax...not sleep, but relax enough to feel better. And yes, the fear is always there, and will be for a long time...it seems that that is something we are destined for and can't change, at least right now...but we are trying to know that fear is just an emotion, neither good nor bad...and we try to let it rest at that...we don't do very well at that, but have, for small moments, been able to feel the fear subside a little bit and we are so thankful for that time...

we are always here for you and bead too...I am glad that you know we have trod the very similar path that you find yourself in right now...and anything we can do for you just let us know...safe hugs and comfort for you today. Crys
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beadlady29-old
  #23  
Old Dec 21, 2008, 02:29 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beadlady29 View Post
it was so weird it was like he had been walking around inside our head... he almost made toooooooooo much sense out of it..very scarey..............cant get rid of this scared feeling! will NOT go away...
Mary, why is it scary that he understood?

Quote:
Originally Posted by beadlady29 View Post
her feels very very small and weak!
the fear is ever-present..........ALWAYS there......ALWAYS........not safe to rest cant watch her back
You are safe now Mary........
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
beadlady29-old
  #24  
Old Dec 21, 2008, 02:44 PM
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beadlady29-old beadlady29-old is offline
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because he will know how bad bead is and feels
__________________
...can..

.....will.....

just.............see


come visit my photo albums and see some pictures of mary's beadwork

http://forums.psychcentral.com/album.php?albumid=305


Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them."
~ Hugh Miller
  #25  
Old Dec 21, 2008, 02:57 PM
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Jewels Jewels is offline
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no, bead is NOT bad...At all...it was incredibly brave for Bead to have survived all the things she went thru, an remember that it is in the past...it can't hurt her ever again...sometimes i get that way too...i dont want people to know what i went thru because then they will know that im bad an no good...an crys keeps tellin me that what im feelin isnt the truth...that im good, an musta been really brave to survive my past...i dont often see it that way but she keeps tellin me that its wonderful an good an special that i came an helped yahna through the abuse...but i know how bead feels an am here if she needs me to talk to...abbi
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beadlady29-old
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