[Malady156]

Does anyone else experience when outsiders trigger or hurt you that your little ones, littles, whatever you want to call them -- the children inside -- get stuck "holding the bag" and trying to deal with it?

If so what do you do about this, can this be changed somehow?

It seems unfair. The Little Ones get stuck trying to navigate big grownup complicated emotions and social interactions they have no clue how to deal with or manage successfully, they just break down & cry and get confused and hurt, meanwhile all these bigger, tougher ones inside that could handle it or even blow it off seem VANISHED. What causes this?

[Elysium]

Well...I dont' know what causes it. Maybe it has to do with how each systems became to be and how each one fragmented? I don't know.

I do know that in my system, my 3 yr old, 9 yr old, and 12 yr old are the ones that have taken on the difficult emotions. From what I have learned, the 3 yr old has taken the sexual abuse, the 9 year old the emotional abuse, and the 12 year old the physical abuse. My 9 yr old doesn't talk, just sits and cries or sulks. 12 yr old is mouthy and always angry, starting fights internally...kind of hard to deal with, and my 3 yr old is kind of a nurturer to all the others...even the adult parts. The interesting thing is they are also the most protective of everyone.

I'm not sure why the littles seems to be the ones that take on some of the toughest memories and roles. Maybe it has something to do with the ages the body was when something traumatic happened. I really don't know.

Sorry I can't offer more...but I hope you know you're not alone.

P.S. I only added the may trigger comment to your title line because I brought up abuse in my reply. Not cause I thought your post was an issue

[Luce]

Hmm, yeah, I have thoughts on this - not sure if I can articulate them.

A few years ago I experienced several incidents of abuse in which I was coconscious with the child alters that dealt with them, but utterly unable to change anything. During the incidents I was completely 'stuck' in the child states, even though I was fully aware of them as they happened. Not good.

So... afterwards I was trying to figure out WHY this happened, why the adults me's weren't able to step up and alter the situation. After much internal dioalogue etc we figured out that the child parts didn't KNOW things could be changed - they were stuck in their old roles of 'just doing what they had to do to get through it' and did not know that anything could be dealt with differently to previous abusive experiences. So they survived it as best they could, and - even though we were coconscious -they 'protected' us by blocking us from being out. Essentially they were just doing their job.

Changing things was based on teaching the younger parts that they could rely on US for help. During childhood there was no-one there and they had to rely on themselves... but that isn't so anymore. They have us. They protected us for so long, and now it is our job to protect them.

So, essentially, communication was the key. Teaching the younger ones that we are bigger and more powerful now, and helping them to trust that WE can can take of issues together.

Sorry - my words have stopped.
HTH

[Elysium]

Luce,

Nicely put!

I think you are right on with what you are saying. Communication is the key. You did a great job expressing all of that!

[Malady156]

Originally Posted by Luce

A few years ago I experienced several incidents of abuse in which I was coconscious with the child alters that dealt with them, but utterly unable to change anything. During the incidents I was completely 'stuck' in the child states, even though I was fully aware of them as they happened. Not good.

So... afterwards I was trying to figure out WHY this happened, why the adults me's weren't able to step up and alter the situation. After much internal dioalogue etc we figured out that the child parts didn't KNOW things could be changed - they were stuck in their old roles of 'just doing what they had to do to get through it' and did not know that anything could be dealt with differently to previous abusive experiences. So they survived it as best they could, and - even though we were coconscious -they 'protected' us by blocking us from being out. Essentially they were just doing their job.

Yeah but try telling THAT to the cops who don't understand why you didn't do X, Y, or Z while it took place -- or why you waited almost two weeks to report it ...


Oh WOW WOW WOW WOW WOWWWWW .... so glad you posted this Luce. Not sure at the moment whether it relates to Mal's general question or not but it has sparked some definite LIGHTS going on inside about the abduction last November and why Mal reacted as she did to all that. That rings SO absolutely truth about it all -- it has been beating itself up like crazy inside for being "so stupid" as to NOT have done this, that, or the other thing to get OUT of that situation while it went on and WHY it had gotten STUCK in this "mode" of feeling like it could not call upon anyone for help. Part of it had been simple fear -- from the things the abductors had been saying it sounded like they had a whole story cooked up to tell the cops, for example, if Mal phoned them, which could end up getting US in trouble instead of THEM -- but another part of it literally seemed to be flashing back to some previous time years and years ago of simply feeling alone, in danger, and having no one to turn to and being stuck just trying to survive and get THROUGH it so we could GO HOME and be SAFE again, rather than being able to think with a rational adult mind about stuff. And in turn, that same sense of shame and having to keep secrecy from others stemming from past abuse / molestation experiences .... WOW you sure hit a jackpot for us on this one. THANK YOU very much for sharing that.

You helped a GREAT deal -- again not sure about how much this relates to the OP but it does not matter, you helped Mal make sense of something that had been deeply painful and troubling and we thank you.

[Luce]

You are welcome, Malady peoples.

I don't know the details of the abduction stuff you wrote about, but it does sound as though it would have been very difficult for ANYBODY to cope with that, let alone someone with a dissociative disorder who has prewired reactions to trauma. I hope you find a way for malady peoples to stop beating yourselves up about however you reacted to that. I have no doubt you did the very best you could with the skills and survival strategies available to you at the time... and you are *here*, so however it panned out, it was *good enough*.

The whole 'dealing with situations how we have best dealt with them in the past' thing... I bet it applies to both the big and small things. You know, like situations where we might be triggered emotionally, or the more dangerous situations where we might find ourselves as victims of current abuse. Until we are actively able to teach ourselves new coping strategies, perhaps we naturally default to whatever has helped us survive in the past.

It's okay though... us humans are capable of learning new things at all stages of life. Awareness is good - it gives us a place to start the inner communication ball rolling.

As children us DIDers worked separately inside as a means to survive the things we could not change. Maybe now it's okay to work together inside to change the things we no longer have to simply 'survive'.

[Malady156]

Basically some really sick people thought it would be fun to kidnap us and play amateur exorcist against our will and without our consent. NO we did NOT give permission for this. Fortunately they did not get violent, but they did hold us forcibly (physically) hostage and refuse to let us leave.
But we all know the real name for people who just refuse to accept that when a girl says NO she means NO ... right?