[Malady156]

Thought we should post this here to clarify something, because on the profile selections no entry exists for D-NOS, so this one had to put DID but did not want to create the wrong impression because what goes on primarily with Mal would not be classic DID as those with that Dx experience, but something else, similar but not exactly the same. Mal refers to this as fragmented consciousness, a vortex of splintered shards in continual motion and the shifting or transitioning happens rapidly, usually many times a day and sometimes several times in a single hour. Once in a blue moon something will slot at the forefront that clings there for 12 hours or so but usually not much longer than that.

Anyway, will follow up with a description to clarify more.

[Malady156]

Found this under the "conditions" section of this site ....

Under Dissociative Disorder NOS:

Examples include:

• Clinical presentations similar to Dissociative Identity Disorder that fail to meet full criteria for this disorder. Examples include presentations in which a) there are not two or more distinct personality states (nope), or b) amnesia for important personal information does not occur. (yes)
• Derealization unaccompanied by depersonalization in adults. (ETA: Mal has both, not one without the other.)
• States of dissociation that occur in individuals who have been subjected to periods of prolonged and intense coercive persuasion (e.g., brainwashing, thought reform, or indoctrination while captive).
• Dissociative trance disorder: single or episodic disturbances in the state of consciousness, identity, or memory that are indigenous to particular locations and cultures. Dissociative trance involves narrowing of awareness of immediate surroundings or stereotyped behaviors or movements that are experienced as being beyond one's control. Possession trance involves replacement of the customary sense of personal identity by a new identity, attributed to the influence of a spirit, power, deity, or other person, and associated with stereotyped "involuntary" movements or amnesia. Examples include amok (Indonesia), bebainan (Indonesia), latah (Malaysia), pibloktoq (Arctic), ataque de nervios (Latin America), and possession (India). The dissociative or trance disorder is not a normal part of a broadly accepted collective cultural or religious practice. (See p. 727 for suggested research criteria.)

Mal has highlighted in bold the things above which pertain to its situation.

Of importance to note would be the last item, "not a normal part of a broadly accepted collective cultural or religious practice." In Mal's case, inhabitation by entities of superior intelligence, vast cunning, and questionable (and variable) moral alignment, part of another species considered "trans-dimensional" (i.e., non-corporeal and thus not limited to the geotemporal mapping of 3-dimensional solids moving in a one-way linear vector through a fourth dimension called "time") would not be considered normal or accepted by any of the Western spiritual cultures or religions it has investigated. The three major monotheistic "semitic" faiths, of course, vary between either modern secular non-acceptance of the phenomenon at all to decided disapprobation thereof. The major occult traditions (ceremonial magick, etc.) term it "obsession" and consider "takeover" by any entity or entities to be symptomatic of loss of control and thus failure to make proper or effective use of magickal tools and techniques taught to the initiate for the purpose of binding, banishing, and otherwise asserting dominance over the unseen realm which has traditionally been regarded as the default right and privilege of mages, adepts, etc. Even in classic demonolatry and diabolism, no less, Mal's condition would be considered an aberration (and as such, an embarrassment to the community at the very least along the lines of providing Really Bad PR ). Likewise, shamanic trads and praxis and other similar minority spiritual cultures still extant in the West share similar views concerning the matter, with the key issue being the loss of control both over the entities and over the self.

No cure exists for this condition that Mal has found to date, neither among the religious/spiritual healing arts nor among the secular psychiatric schools, at least, not the modern variety dominated by psychopharmacology. The medications it has experimented with thus far have created intolerable side effects while failing to bring any alleviation and, in fact, acting more along the lines of tying someone down FOR rape rather than giving them locks and bars to keep the rapists OUT. In other words they incapacitate rather than either ameliorate or empower, in Mal's experience. Granted, it has not tried them all, but it has tried a couple different "mood-stabilizers" and AT-APs and found them ineffective and in most cases, detrimental.

The fragmented consciousness phenomenon referred to in the OP happens to be a distinct component separate from the stuff described here. But it interlaces with it in strange ways, like having two things woven together sometimes you notice the warp, sometimes the weft.

[Malady156]

Now then. Typically when disclosing things of this nature about itself Malady winds up on the nasty receiving end of a lot of unprovoked attacks, hostile harassments and haranguings, getting baited and toyed with and screwed with, even from those who have their own sufferings and afflictions and, ostensibly, OUGHT to know better. So if anyone cares to respond to any of this to offer insights, suggest things to look for WRT treatment, etc. or just offer support and friendliness, please feel free and feel welcome. Anyone else coming with a different agenda, DON'T. Just DON'T. OK? Keep your hatin' and baitin' where it belongs: buttoned up in silence. Let's try to respect the fact that this board got created with the intention of being a sanctuary and safe place for the afflicted, not yet another arena in which we get thrown to lions, vultures, bullies and abusers. OK?

I tried to read all the way through so I could offer up some words of wisdom, Malady, but you are way too intelligent for me. This mushy brain of mine can't comprehend *&%# right now.

I did see that you welcomed support and friendliness so I am here to offer both.

[Malady156]

Thanks Orange Blossom.

Did the stuff copied from the article make sense at least? Mal does tend to speak somewhat obscurely, probably due to a lifetime of being invalidated and harassed, you learn to speak your truths in language others cannot immediately comprehend so that you can weed out the sincere and caring types from the curiosity-seekers and abusers and hostiles coming in disguise to try to bait and hassle. Started doing this as a very young child, and it has only gotten worse with time.

We can foresee a future, already encroaching upon the present, where Mal will not be capable of making itself heard to the humans at all. This has already begun and it creates its own world of pain and torture on top of everything else, making for despair and feeling like everyone wants you to just shut up and go kill yourself already.

This latter phenomenon it refers to as the "Macrocosmic Apoptosis Signal" or MAS. It differs from "normal" suicidal-ness that people with depression, etc. experience. People experiencing depression and suicidal feelings tend to experience that inside themselves, they feel like crap and wish to die. While Mal has had those feelings at times itself, and can relate to them, its overwhelming experience would be the MAS instead, which consists of feeling like every other "cell in the body" (picturing all sentient life as one huge body in which each individual would be a cell) constantly sends you signals -- some subtle, some overt and obvious -- and sets you up in interactive situations as well -- trying to FORCE you to self-destruct, and subtly infect and poison you against yourself so you will.

[Malady156]

Derealization unaccompanied by depersonalization in adults.

Upon review, Mal finds it should NOT have highlighted this. Mal read this wrong and thought it said ACCOMPANIED by ... NOT "UN"accompanied by. Mal has both derealization AND depersonalization. So scratch that item.

Yes, it made sense. You had me right up until "trans-dimensional" (i.e., non-corporeal and thus not limited to the geotemporal mapping of 3-dimensional solids moving in a one-way linear vector through a fourth dimension called "time")

[Malady156]

Ah. At that point Mal had finished quoting the article and moved into its own comments ...
How about we just rephrase that as "spirit entities" -- beings with their own intelligence, personality, aims, goals, agendas, feelings, thoughts, views, etc. that exist on another level or in another realm, one that intersects with the physical realm but would not be bound by its constraints.

Better?

If you had geometry in school you might remember mapping points on a 3-d grid, with X, Y, and Z axis. Well, add time to that grid -- add one more axis, we can call it "T" -- to make it four-dimensional rather than three, and you have a different type of "space" altogether from what 3-d creatures like humans would be accustomed to moving through without constraint. These entities come from that region or something higher, hence Their ability to intersect what humans experience as reality in a number of creative ways, appearing to move both forward and backward in time, and to co-locate in different places at the same "time moment" to the human perception.

Sorry, probably making this more complicated rather than easier.

Ever read the book Flatland? Do so sometime, then just move everything in the story "up" one dimension (from 3-d interacting with 2-d up to 4-d interacting with 3-d) and you'll "get it".

[Calm]

Originally Posted by Malady156

Now then. Typically when disclosing things of this nature about itself Malady winds up on the nasty receiving end of a lot of unprovoked attacks, hostile harassments and haranguings, getting baited and toyed with and screwed with, even from those who have their own sufferings and afflictions and, ostensibly, OUGHT to know better. So if anyone cares to respond to any of this to offer insights, suggest things to look for WRT treatment, etc. or just offer support and friendliness, please feel free and feel welcome. Anyone else coming with a different agenda, DON'T. Just DON'T. OK? Keep your hatin' and baitin' where it belongs: buttoned up in silence. Let's try to respect the fact that this board got created with the intention of being a sanctuary and safe place for the afflicted, not yet another arena in which we get thrown to lions, vultures, bullies and abusers. OK?

Hi Malady,

I haven't any insights to offer. I only wanted to congratulate you for your perseverance. From what you have stated, you have endured some venomous written attacks from other people in the past. I'm sorry you had to suffer the ignorance and bullying of others. I was attacked in a chat room on another support group a long time ago, and that experience left a mighty negative impression on me. I'm extremely hesitant to voice my opinion or share my problems now. Just another ugly experience to add to the list. So, I'm way overly cautious now and very discriminating about what I share with others. Unfortunately, there are those who get their kicks from causing pain to another. I wish you well and hope you will be free from attacks here. Calm

Wowwwww!!!!!!!!!

The distance between my pea brain and fingertips is somewhere around a thousand miles...............that means my typeing sucks...........definately stimulated my intellect and by the time I re---respond, because I do have feelings on this........and yes.........you do matter....and yes it does matter................. there will probably be ten more posts before my next post........

so so real...........THANKS

ST

[Elysium]

Mal....Safe hugs for you if you would like.

Thank you for sharing about yourself, and doing such an EXCELLENT job posting this info!!

No unprovoked attacks from me!! I understand you are trying to share your personal experience, and at the same time it seems you are trying to offer some educational info to others who may be experiencing similar issues.

You did this well. There are some people...?....who don't seem able to accomplish this very well. But I think you did a very good job. You weren't judgemental, and you didn't try and pass this off as if it was chiseled on some ancient stone tablet somewhere either!!

Good for you.

I enjoyed learning about you. I can also relate to some of what you experience. I've been dx as DID but also told that it is a bit atypical and can also fall kind of in between the DID and DDNOS realm. Thanks so much for sharing!!!

I don't know gang...maybe this should be stickied somewhere???????

K...actually, didn't get the point it was already up on the PC site, but it's still very good info and stickying to the DD page might be something worth thinking about if it's not already there!!

[iamtwilight]

hey, malady,

i also have experienced some of the things you mentioned in your list, though i don't (personally, my alters might, though) share all of your beliefs (but respect them anyhow). you do a great job at writing, and i liked what you said about writing things in a different language to tell the good people from the rest.

sorry for all the pain you've had to endure. no judgements here.

if you'd like from
twilight

[Malady156]

Originally Posted by Calm

Hi Malady,

I haven't any insights to offer. I only wanted to congratulate you for your perseverance. From what you have stated, you have endured some venomous written attacks from other people in the past. I'm sorry you had to suffer the ignorance and bullying of others. I was attacked in a chat room on another support group a long time ago, and that experience left a mighty negative impression on me. I'm extremely hesitant to voice my opinion or share my problems now. Just another ugly experience to add to the list. So, I'm way overly cautious now and very discriminating about what I share with others. Unfortunately, there are those who get their kicks from causing pain to another. I wish you well and hope you will be free from attacks here. Calm

Thank you.

It has indeed endured the absolute worst you could possibly imagine from people online and THEN some. To the point where it literally ends up scratching its head and wondering "WTF"??? Seriously, it gets to the point of absurdity. Now granted, yes, on a few occasions, under harassment, baiting and provocation, Mal has been guilty of blowing up or melting down to some extent and letting some of that out. BUT in its defense, this has only been under provocation -- and yet the admins of those other places time and time again took up for the bullies and instigators as if they'd done NOTHING wrong and the only "issue" had been Mal's posts. Completely unfair!!

And then on other boards like, with expressing a strong opinion about something, it has always tried to walk a fine line between being considerate of others with different views vs. NOT compromising its own self-expression of its own view -- and yet time and again it has been harassed, "penalized", even BANNED for voicing a frickin OPINION, or even just for telling the truth about things where others had been clearly playing stupid hairless monkey games like idiots, whereas again, those engaging in those behaviors and worse, got away with writing the most egregiously insulting things and even though Mal reported their posts NOTHING got done. On this one board the bias got so blatant it literally got to the point where the moment any thin-skinned selfish twat took issue with something Mal wrote, NOT, mind you, because Mal had been rude or insulting but JUST because they didn't agree with its POV, they would complain and the staff would DELETE the post IMMEDIATELY -- yet if they wrote things deliberately personal and insulting -- not just expressing a POV but literally trying to be hurtful and mean on an over-personal level -- if Mal complained about that the staff would simply let those heinous lying, slandering, insulting crap just stand there and then put us on "forced ignore" (where you have to put each other on each other's ignore lists and that means you cannot post in response to or about one another, nor report each other's posts, because you supposed to not even see them but everyone peeks, LOL) Well the problem with that of course would be they would continue to post baiting and harassing things aimed at you (clearly so, not just in your mind but directly referencing you sideways via some aspect of your POV, personality, or something you'd posted before) and you couldn't do a thing about it. It didn't solve ANYTHING!!! Oh and get this, the "cherry on top" of this frickin HATE CAKE ... the bloody staff actually had people complaining that they had been being too "soft" or "lenient" with MAL this whole time!!! Seriously like WTF??????

Good grief, Mal could go on for DOGS YEARS about all ths hostile CRAP that's been pulled against her online. Seriously, it should write a book one day, if it has not been so bloody dissociative that it cannot remember all the details of all the events in sequence.

It has been stalked and harassed from board to board by certain persons -- it has a certain user name that it uses in most places it just does not happen to use it here because it signed up here before coming up with that name -- and on this one board ostensibly for MH support, this one member actually pretended to befriend Mal, we even chatted on the phone one day -- and then she started acting REALLY dodgy, basically dropped Mal like a bad disease even though we had no falling out or anything else to explain such a reaction, and come to find out she apparently had been feeding some kind of crap to staff behind its back, not sure what, but because she had been a long time member there, it appeared they threw Mal off the board there because of her, because she'd disappeared from that board for a time claiming some bullcrap about an issue with someone else, and the moment she managed to get Mal banned off there from whatever lies she told, she came back. What a freaking ****!!!! Can you believe anyone would be so rotten as to do something like that? And she REALLY laid it on thick, boy she had Mal fooled and Mal does not fool easily about such things as it tends to be very suspicious by nature and distrusting. But she pushed all the right buttons, claimed to care, claimed to understand, etc. said all the right words.

Anyway, OK, enough of that. Anyway all that would just be the tip of the iceberg. It could go ON and ON ...

[Malady156]

Originally Posted by sparrowstail

Wowwwww!!!!!!!!!

The distance between my pea brain and fingertips is somewhere around a thousand miles...............that means my typeing sucks...........definately stimulated my intellect and by the time I re---respond, because I do have feelings on this........and yes.........you do matter....and yes it does matter................. there will probably be ten more posts before my next post........

so so real...........THANKS

ST

Sparrowstail, Mal hopes you will respond more at length when you can. It would like to hear your feelings and thoughts.

[Malady156]

Originally Posted by Elysium3006

Mal....Safe hugs for you if you would like.

Yes, Please.

Originally Posted by Elysium3006

Thank you for sharing about yourself, and doing such an EXCELLENT job posting this info!!

No unprovoked attacks from me!! I understand you are trying to share your personal experience, and at the same time it seems you are trying to offer some educational info to others who may be experiencing similar issues.

You did this well. There are some people...?....who don't seem able to accomplish this very well. But I think you did a very good job. You weren't judgemental, and you didn't try and pass this off as if it was chiseled on some ancient stone tablet somewhere either!!

I enjoyed learning about you. I can also relate to some of what you experience. I've been dx as DID but also told that it is a bit atypical and can also fall kind of in between the DID and DDNOS realm. Thanks so much for sharing!!!

Thanks! and yr welcome.

Originally Posted by iamtwilight

hey, malady,

i also have experienced some of the things you mentioned in your list, though i don't (personally, my alters might, though) share all of your beliefs (but respect them anyhow). you do a great job at writing, and i liked what you said about writing things in a different language to tell the good people from the rest.

sorry for all the pain you've had to endure. no judgements here.

if you'd like from
twilight

Hugs will always be welcome.

[Elysium]

Originally Posted by Malady156

Thank you.

It has indeed endured the absolute worst you could possibly imagine from people online and THEN some. To the point where it literally ends up scratching its head and wondering "WTF"??? Seriously, it gets to the point of absurdity. Now granted, yes, on a few occasions, under harassment, baiting and provocation, Mal has been guilty of blowing up or melting down to some extent and letting some of that out. BUT in its defense, this has only been under provocation -- and yet the admins of those other places time and time again took up for the bullies and instigators as if they'd done NOTHING wrong and the only "issue" had been Mal's posts. Completely unfair!!

And then on other boards like, with expressing a strong opinion about something, it has always tried to walk a fine line between being considerate of others with different views vs. NOT compromising its own self-expression of its own view -- and yet time and again it has been harassed, "penalized", even BANNED for voicing a frickin OPINION, or even just for telling the truth about things where others had been clearly playing stupid hairless monkey games like idiots, whereas again, those engaging in those behaviors and worse, got away with writing the most egregiously insulting things and even though Mal reported their posts NOTHING got done. On this one board the bias got so blatant it literally got to the point where the moment any thin-skinned selfish twat took issue with something Mal wrote, NOT, mind you, because Mal had been rude or insulting but JUST because they didn't agree with its POV, they would complain and the staff would DELETE the post IMMEDIATELY -- yet if they wrote things deliberately personal and insulting -- not just expressing a POV but literally trying to be hurtful and mean on an over-personal level -- if Mal complained about that the staff would simply let those heinous lying, slandering, insulting crap just stand there and then put us on "forced ignore" (where you have to put each other on each other's ignore lists and that means you cannot post in response to or about one another, nor report each other's posts, because you supposed to not even see them but everyone peeks, LOL) Well the problem with that of course would be they would continue to post baiting and harassing things aimed at you (clearly so, not just in your mind but directly referencing you sideways via some aspect of your POV, personality, or something you'd posted before) and you couldn't do a thing about it. It didn't solve ANYTHING!!! Oh and get this, the "cherry on top" of this frickin HATE CAKE ... the bloody staff actually had people complaining that they had been being too "soft" or "lenient" with MAL this whole time!!! Seriously like WTF??????

Good grief, Mal could go on for DOGS YEARS about all ths hostile CRAP that's been pulled against her online. Seriously, it should write a book one day, if it has not been so bloody dissociative that it cannot remember all the details of all the events in sequence.

It has been stalked and harassed from board to board by certain persons -- it has a certain user name that it uses in most places it just does not happen to use it here because it signed up here before coming up with that name -- and on this one board ostensibly for MH support, this one member actually pretended to befriend Mal, we even chatted on the phone one day -- and then she started acting REALLY dodgy, basically dropped Mal like a bad disease even though we had no falling out or anything else to explain such a reaction, and come to find out she apparently had been feeding some kind of crap to staff behind its back, not sure what, but because she had been a long time member there, it appeared they threw Mal off the board there because of her, because she'd disappeared from that board for a time claiming some bullcrap about an issue with someone else, and the moment she managed to get Mal banned off there from whatever lies she told, she came back. What a freaking ****!!!! Can you believe anyone would be so rotten as to do something like that? And she REALLY laid it on thick, boy she had Mal fooled and Mal does not fool easily about such things as it tends to be very suspicious by nature and distrusting. But she pushed all the right buttons, claimed to care, claimed to understand, etc. said all the right words.

Anyway, OK, enough of that. Anyway all that would just be the tip of the iceberg. It could go ON and ON ...

K........................

This was all just a little bit SCARY!!!

That's all I have to say about that........!

Why do you call yourself IT?

[Malady156]

Elysium, what did you find scary -- the experiences Mal shared? or something else?

It can assure you that just like bees and wasps, it bes far more afraid of you than you will ever be of this one.

[wanttoheal]

Hi Malady,
It's good to see you back here again. I was sad that you disappeared before and am so glad you're back.

This is awesome information. I have a history of cult abuse and religious abuse among other things. I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with the after affects of all of this.

I hope that you will find a safe place to discuss and disclose. I don't understand why people are sometimes so negative toward others when information is exchanged. I have found for me that sometimes when the experience is not the same as what a person is experiencing, that they are not able to accept that it could be different for another person. I have found this to be so in religion, politics and mental illness especially. I guess that's why religion and politics are not allowed to be discussed here. It can have such a negative impact on us when someone completely discounts our experience, no matter what the topic is.

I think it's a completely valid request to ask for only supportive responses as this is intended to be a support site. We have all been through difficulties and while we all experience things in different ways, imo we all have a common bond in that we are seeking a safe place and healing.

That said, I think the people here at PC are very supportive and understanding overall. And we welcome you with open arms Malady. If you ever have any concerns or questions, please don't hesitate to contact myself, any other moderator or an admin, k? We're so glad you're back and hope you'll stay around and let us support you.

[Calm]

Dear Malady, I know how bad it can get on internet support boards. I've witnessed it myself time and again. I've seen people attacked vehemently over and over. The flaming that went on was horrendous to say the least. If you took the side of the person being flamed, then the flamers would attack you as well. And it would just go on and on. It was hopeless. There were too many who seemed to thrive on that type of atmosphere. I left those sites and never returned. I hope peace of mind is within your reach and a sense of safety can be achieved. I seek the same for myself and wish it to all who desire it as well. Keep well and safe. Calm

[Malady156]

Originally Posted by wanttoheal

Hi Malady,
It's good to see you back here again. I was sad that you disappeared before and am so glad you're back.

Awww thank you so much for saying this, it really means a lot to hear from people that remember Mal from before.

This is awesome information. I have a history of cult abuse and religious abuse among other things. I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with the after affects of all of this.

I hope that you will find a safe place to discuss and disclose. I don't understand why people are sometimes so negative toward others when information is exchanged. I have found for me that sometimes when the experience is not the same as what a person is experiencing, that they are not able to accept that it could be different for another person. I have found this to be so in religion, politics and mental illness especially.

Wow, yes, definitely. And admittedly, this would be an area Mal needs to work on as well. Its own experiences can be so overwhelming that sometimes it can be difficult to understand someone else's, particularly if theirs exists in an area that one does not tend to put a lot of stock in. But if you ever want to try sharing about some of these things together, feel free to PM.

Mal's experience would be unique in this department .... in a number of ways. Still not sure how much would be safe to share, and TBH it does not want to frighten others who might otherwise be allies but for knowing too much ...

It can have such a negative impact on us when someone completely discounts our experience, no matter what the topic is.

*nod*
It hurts very much not to be believed. Even if something bes not real for oneself, it bes very real for the person suffering it. Though sometimes a person can get mistaken for one sort of situation when theirs would be another, and they might feel the need to "distance themselves" from those potential misunderstandings for legitimate reasons of personal safety, know whatta mean? Like, if you know you can have a severely suggestible frame of mind if certain "key words" or triggers get used in certain ways, sometimes all you can do would be to put up a barrier against that -- and if that barrier inadvertently hurts someone else's feelings, that really sucks, but what else can you do? You can't take a chance on being programmed into things you KNOW bes not the truth of your OWN situation -- yeah? And sometimes everyone and anyone can be a potential "handler" and you'd never know till it bes too late ... y'know?

That said, I think the people here at PC are very supportive and understanding overall. And we welcome you with open arms Malady. If you ever have any concerns or questions, please don't hesitate to contact myself, any other moderator or an admin, k? We're so glad you're back and hope you'll stay around and let us support you.

Again, thank you very, very much for your kindness. It needs support, and sometimes it even wants it (LOL!) and it always appreciates a warm welcome. Blessings to you.

[Malady156]

Originally Posted by Calm

Dear Malady, I know how bad it can get on internet support boards. I've witnessed it myself time and again. I've seen people attacked vehemently over and over. The flaming that went on was horrendous to say the least. If you took the side of the person being flamed, then the flamers would attack you as well. And it would just go on and on. It was hopeless. There were too many who seemed to thrive on that type of atmosphere. I left those sites and never returned.

Exactly ... the one board where a lot of hurtful things happened, they finally banned Mal entirely, and while at first it felt upset, later it realized they had done a big favor. That place being both toxic AND sucking you in too easily, it becomes easier to stay away by being banned. But yeah, before they got finished destroying the last vestige of Mal's hope and faith -- in God, in humanity, in everything -- they ran many of the GOOD people who stood up for the REALITY of things into the ground too, and hurt them too, just because they tried to stand up for Mal and others who got flamed and hurt incessantly.

I hope peace of mind is within your reach and a sense of safety can be achieved. I seek the same for myself and wish it to all who desire it as well. Keep well and safe. Calm

Thank you. Mal feels the same way.

[Elysium]

Mal....

I apologize if I made you uncomfortable...

It seemed like you were pretty upset about some past issues, and were kind of going off. I wasn't quite sure how to take that.....

It's difficult sometimes to get the meaning behind emotions on-line sometimes.

It sounds like my perceptions of what your were trying to get across differed in what you felt you were sending.

Sometimes...if I don't know how to take something and am not sure of the intent of someone, I will get scared and defensive. I think I kind of felt this way after reading your post.

In no way am I attempting to judge you or be harsh...I was just kind of taken aback by the veracity (I think that's the right word) of your comments.

Still....glad you're here!!

[Elysium]

Just wanted to add...

I hope I did not come across as not *believing* you or your experiences.

I don't know you from before, and I don't think I have run into you on any other forums, because I just started getting involved in forums recently before migrating to PC. I was on another forum and it seemed like all people were interested in was making waves for others...

unlike here where people seem to share their experience and keep open minds and respect other's.

I don't know a lot about what you've been through, but as I have done more reading in your posts, I have learned a bit. I am sorry you had to experience what you did.

I would very much like to be friends with you on the forum.
It seems that you have been through some really difficult stuff, as others have, and I want to support you in your recovery.

I saw some of your art you posted, and I have to admit...it did scare me a little, but not because I thought it was wrong or didn't belong, but just because of the reality that this sh** happens in this world!!

Anyway...please take care, and keep sharing!! Hope to talk with you later!!

........fourteen posts later............

.......still trying to ketch-up.........

.......yall aint leaving me behind.......

........I got issues ttooooooooooo.....

........no cyber-violence today........only cyber peace in my cyber sanction.................

..........but yall said what I was going to say.........ssooooooooo.......

..........just hangin wit the chilli's...........trying to learn there moves......

...........and still two steppin........on........blue-------grass............

............................. ..........................ST



......................

[Malady156]

Elysium, no harm done, just felt uncertain about what had scared you.

You see, in Mal's experience, many things that tend to seem fearful and terrifying to most humans have been Mal's only true allies and comforts in this world. And conversely, many things humans take for granted as "normal" or part of their world's "norms" have been the very things that have harmed and abused Us the most.

Mal knows what to do when some huge terrifying Lord of the Abyss rises up and breathes in its face (laying down and spreading your legs and opening your mind works wonders in these situations) but it cannot even begin to navigate the Cassandra complex created by having its precognitive and clairvoyant capacities come smack up against a couple humans in collusion to play social engineering games and get away with it because they can always cry "paranoia" to obfuscate the truth if you attempt to call them out and confront their devious hidden agendas.

Mal finds entities that terrify humans to be good companions and great comfort, and most humans to be treacherous and devious and more lying and hypocritical than they accuse these other species of being.

Of course, Mal's entire experience has been scripted and programmed this way by Them for purposes of Their own, too. It may not be the case with others. Sometimes being devoured means great sex. Sometimes it just means sudden destruction.

You hit the nail on the head though when you mentioned forums where others just try to push people's buttons and get them worked up and make their lives more miserable. Hell, we all have a measure of safety on the internet -- we have anonymity, a computer screen to "hide" behind, a nick name to "hide" behind, comfy distance from one another, why can't we use these cushions to reach out and be good to each other instead of as cloaks for further bullying and harm? haven't we all suffered enough? That bes how Mal feels. So when it wrote about those things it had just been recalling various crap it has encountered online before. In part to just share, but in part also to be reassured that none of us want any of that crap here at PC and that we will have each other's backs on that.

Peace & hugs.