[PleaseHelp]

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He has twin 9 yr old daughters. I love his girls (MY girls) and one calls me mom. He isn't physically abusive, but he is emotionally and mentally. I tried to leave once and he pulled me back in. Saying he would change and how much the girls need me and so on. The girls don't live with us. He (we) get them everyother weekend, holidays, 6 weeks during the summer. I do everything for those girls. I feel like a glorified maid and babysitter. But I love the girls so much. Being away from them kills me.
Right now I am staying with a friend. I have a few of my clothes and that is it. The advocate from the abused adult resource center says I need to cut ALL ties and move on. The only way I can think to do that is to move to a different state. I don't have much money and not a lot of support. Very confused. Sorry this is so long.

[neva]

I do not think the girls really need you. first, to say. they do not even live with him. No matter what you do at the end of the day it'll be their mothers. if he is physically abusing you you can get counseling if it really worth it, otherwise move on. I do not think you need to move to another state. you are free to live wherever you feel comfortable. what you need is determination to do so.

you should love yourself first. do not sacrifice your life for him neither his daughters if he can't understand. you might regret it later on.

[lynn P.]

Yes I think you're right in leaving. Often emotional/mental abuse can escalate to physical abuse. I understand you're attached to his daughters. If I were you I would be diplomatic and speak to the girls mother and see if she would be willing to let you visit occasionally. I bet she could tell you a lot about why their relationship failed. Don't go back to him.

[jenkins09]

emotional/mental abuse is just as harmful as physical abuse. I hope you can find the help you need.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

((((((((pleasehelp))))))))

I agree with every post here. I was in a similar situation and I kept thinking it would improve and as it always does it escalated to physical abuse. Men like that are controlers as well as abusers.

If you feel you need to move state then do so. There is an ad here at the moment that says it all "Shut Up and LET ME GO". You can write to the girls and visit with the girls, but as one very astute poster mentioned the ex-wife can probably tell you why she left is the same reason you are leaving.

You can get police help to collect your things, do that and never go back

[PleaseHelp]

I went back to get my stuff and ended up staying. The girls ran in yelling "mommy your home!" He says if I want to leave I can. I need to make up my mind. Now I don't know what to do. I love them. All of them. They are my family. Argh. Me confused!

[PleaseHelp]

I am easily persuaded into thinking things.

I don't know that I would classify him as abusive. He can be a jerk, all men can be. But he is also extremely understanding. He has been there for me through a lot of stuff. I truly do not believe that he is capable of physical abuse! Maybe I shouldn't have started this thread. I was just having a bad day.

[AkAngel]

Please be careful PleaseHelp and take care of yourself. If you don't take care of #1, there is no #1 to take care of numbers 2,3,4...

[Rhiannonsmoon]

pleasehelp,

Apparently I posted an unsupportive post in here at some time yesterday. I am really so sorry. I honestly don't remember posting it and I would never knowingly be hurtful or unsupportive and I'm really really sorry.

I agree with AK though.

And it is at times that one is under stress that these posts are made, so don't say you shouldn't have posted

Rhiannon

[acrazynao]

If you are so unsure, and I know we all go through bad days, maybe being a part for a week or two might not hurt. You say he is understanding, and 9 year olds can certainly understand "mommy needs a vacation." Take a little time for yourself. You don't have to leave town if you don't want to. Obviously if you went to stay at a friends, something is up. I' m sorry you are going though this, but know you are not alone.

[PleaseHelp]

Thanks.

I have PTSD and it can really mess with my thoughts. I was also trying to do a med reduction on my own. (I know NOT smart) I don't have much time to type as I'm at work. Maybe after the girls go to bed I'll have time to explain. I'm also not good at asking for support. So just posting a thread was hard enough for me.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

I understand pleasehelp and I apologise again for any discomfort or pain I caused you. It was not intended, I just hope you understand that.

If possible go to your doctor and make up a patient care plan to reduce your meds if you really feel strongly about it. Your doc will let you know the best way to do it; don't put your self under the pressure of whether it will work or not, you don't need that pressure either...

Rhiannon

You have been through an awful lot, PleaseHelp. Are you receiving therapy?

Whatever you decide I hope works for the best.

[PleaseHelp]

Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon

I understand pleasehelp and I apologise again for any discomfort or pain I caused you. It was not intended, I just hope you understand that.

If possible go to your doctor and make up a patient care plan to reduce your meds if you really feel strongly about it. Your doc will let you know the best way to do it; don't put your self under the pressure of whether it will work or not, you don't need that pressure either...

Rhiannon

Rhiannon - thank you for your apology. I know you meant no harm. I am a very emotional person.

I talked with my old therapist/med nurse (old only b/c I don't have the insurance to see her) and she suggested that I go back up to 225mg of Effexor XR b/c I seemed to be stable there. She wrote me a prescription for another month. Now I just need to come up with the money. I did do an intake with our Human Services Department here in town, they work on a sliding fee basis. I will get all my services free of charge. However, it will take 6-8 weeks to see a therapist or doctor. So I just have to hold on until then.

Good luck, PleaseHelp. Be safe.

[PleaseHelp]

Things are going well. I really think that my PTSD has a big role to play in all of this. I started a thread in PTSD. Feel free to take a look.

[ZaraLee]

All of us have happy and sad minutes in our life when we are ready to change all our life. Try to come to right solution when you are calm.

[PleaseHelp]

We have really been working on things. Him & I have been working on things. And I finally got into a therapist where her & I have been working on the PTSD stuff along with the Boderline Personality stuff (which has been bad lately). The therapist has been helping both of us to understand the PTSD and BPD along with the anxiety and depression. I have gotten off the Effexor/Pristiq, which seems to really have helped. I'm actually able to feel things.