[Shadow Wraith]

I have been in a very neurotic marriage. She has separated 3 times. I have never separated from her. Whenever things get challenging, she has decided to bolt. A couple of weeks ago, she said that she was wanting to try dating each other and go to couples counseling religiously. Then literally the next day she starts saying that she only thinks of me as a friend. Not only do I get the "friend" line, she also says that she was just discussing the possibility of getting back together. I asked her why she didn't actually think it through before she decided to pull the rug from out of me, so to speak.

Now she is being hateful in the worst way. She implies that I don't want to see my daughter. She says that I'm not being truthful when I tell her that I have to do. That is, if she would be flexible and watch her on a day I can't watch her, things would be fine. But no, that would be to nice. So in a nutshell she jumps to conclusions about my daughter of 3 and I. She implies that I'm lying when I told her that my daughter wanted to see my wife. I feel so angry and hurt when she implies that I'm a bad father. With this being said, I gladly have our daughter about half of the time. Whenever she asks me to watch our daughter on days, I gladly say yes. I know my wife deals with a lot of back and joint pain. Therefore, I offer to give our daughter a bath before I bring her home. I go out of my way to show that I love and care about my daughter whenever I wonder why I even care what my wife thinks.

The most frustrating, pathetic, and foolish thing about all of this is that I am just as much to blame for things being this way. Unlike with other people, I have the hardest time being assertive with her instead of being a "doormat". I don't know why I can't stay angry with her enough to stand up for myself in the future. I don't know why I kept getting back with her. She is just the opposite. She seems to be incapable of forgiveness. She frequently brings up the past. What really gets under my skin is that her behavior is the most ambivilent and duplicitous in regards to her criticisms of me in the former and the way she treats me in the latter. I feel like such a fool. I like to think I live in hope. However, maybe this has been nothing but so-called false hope after all. Why do I still love her? Why is she the only person I've ever had a relationship with that I cannot stand up for myself. She treats me like a selfish and dishonest child. It's all ridiculous.

[Leed]

Well, I have a feeling that you love her so much, that you're just going to take anything she hands out. But you're going to have to draw the line. Enough is enough because she's going to up the ante here pretty soon. She's already attacked your parental skills, and you sure sound like a good father to me. I certainly don't know what more she wants. She's just looking for excuses.

It sounds to me like she just wants you to TAKE your daughter full time, so she can go "out and play." Why not offer it?? Yes, you'll have to find a sitter for when you go to work, but I doubt your "wife" will mind. I think she just wants out anyway.

You would be smart to consult with an attorney before SHE does because she's going to try to take you to the cleaners. And women can DO that. Unless you live in California, she's liable to take half your retirement, plus most of everything else. So, I would file for a legal separation and get the property settlement put down in writing right now!!! Don't let her run up any bills for YOU to pay. Cause she WILL. Find a GOOD lawyer - one that is a holy terror in divorce cases. Women can be nasty (I'm a woman!). I don't want to see you taken for granted. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

[ma2671]

Originally Posted by Shadow Wraith

I have been in a very neurotic marriage. She has separated 3 times. I have never separated from her. Whenever things get challenging, she has decided to bolt. A couple of weeks ago, she said that she was wanting to try dating each other and go to couples counseling religiously. Then literally the next day she starts saying that she only thinks of me as a friend. Not only do I get the "friend" line, she also says that she was just discussing the possibility of getting back together. I asked her why she didn't actually think it through before she decided to pull the rug from out of me, so to speak.

Now she is being hateful in the worst way. She implies that I don't want to see my daughter. She says that I'm not being truthful when I tell her that I have to do. That is, if she would be flexible and watch her on a day I can't watch her, things would be fine. But no, that would be to nice. So in a nutshell she jumps to conclusions about my daughter of 3 and I. She implies that I'm lying when I told her that my daughter wanted to see my wife. I feel so angry and hurt when she implies that I'm a bad father. With this being said, I gladly have our daughter about half of the time. Whenever she asks me to watch our daughter on days, I gladly say yes. I know my wife deals with a lot of back and joint pain. Therefore, I offer to give our daughter a bath before I bring her home. I go out of my way to show that I love and care about my daughter whenever I wonder why I even care what my wife thinks.

The most frustrating, pathetic, and foolish thing about all of this is that I am just as much to blame for things being this way. Unlike with other people, I have the hardest time being assertive with her instead of being a "doormat". I don't know why I can't stay angry with her enough to stand up for myself in the future. I don't know why I kept getting back with her. She is just the opposite. She seems to be incapable of forgiveness. She frequently brings up the past. What really gets under my skin is that her behavior is the most ambivilent and duplicitous in regards to her criticisms of me in the former and the way she treats me in the latter. I feel like such a fool. I like to think I live in hope. However, maybe this has been nothing but so-called false hope after all. Why do I still love her? Why is she the only person I've ever had a relationship with that I cannot stand up for myself. She treats me like a selfish and dishonest child. It's all ridiculous.

I use to be kinda like that with my X of 10 years. Ruthless. Is she a controlling person? Do you think she gets off on her seeing how far she can get with you and say to you. I could be wrong but if you two do not make it together , the only way she will become aware of her behavoir and disrespecting you is when she doesn't have you. I walked all over my X and he tried keeping us together to the very end loved me no matter what I did or said.Forgave me always. Now he won't look me in my eyes . Let along communicate anything relative in our son's life. Didn't matter. My reflections in the past of how I treated him could only have happened not having him anymore. The best thing I want to say to you is since you two share a daughter try everything you can to keep your family together. It is not good when your child becomes torn in the middle. You should stand up for yourself maybe thats what she is waiting for you to do your a man and a man should naturally be the dominating one , always.Other wise your left with a wife that is a f---ing ***** to you. Hope I helped somehow??