Request for feedback: How to support daughter better...

Hi all-

I'm staring at the possible end of multi-year threats of divorce from my stbx. I have barely any food and I'm homeless as of Monday. I walked last February due to escalating verbal violence and toxic interactions with my stbx. I'm asking for support the local church and friends have been very kind. My main issue, I'm so guilty and sad over the pain my daughter is feeling right now. I don't feel safe around my stbx and by my short history given the most I've been able to do is bike ride to pick up the little one and visit at a park. It's really not enough but I feel I need to improve my situation before taking on more visitation. It's not that I don't want to, I do desperately do in spite of my stbx stating over and over that I don't. The little one was crying tonight on the cell phone with me. I burned the last of my minutes to hear her in pain and felt so very powerless. I have email until Monday and have suggested she write to me. It was txt and voice by cell until the minutes burned up. I've been able to visit with these play dates twice a week but that has been very thin for support I feel. I've requested three days a week from the stbx but something always keeps coming up on her end to sabotage it. The next week rolls around and I get requests from stbx to visit more. I feel like games are being played here, on my honor, I'm not playing there is a child involved in this. Am I missing something here? My main life goal is to life stabilize and be a good father for her. What more can I do now, but be encouranging to look forward to the next play date we have and repeat that I love her and miss her too? Please share and advise...

You say stbx, but there's no indication you are doing anything with lawyers, making it "real"? Where are you living, why are you homeless, do you have a job at all? I don't know the situation with the stbx; how you left, how long you have been gone and why you haven't found a place to stay; homeless shelter or some setup for yourself but have been gone enough to be visiting "regularly".

Take care of yourself first! Your daughter will just have to wait until you are before it is tenable for you to see/have her visit, etc. Make sure you get legal representation so you can see her regularly in the future, etc. Tell her and/or your stbx that you are on a "business trip" or something and set a date you will be "back" for her so she doesn't have to worry and can look forward to seeing you again, etc. Then get your act together better.

I don't know what stbx is. Can you tell me?

I don't have a lot of experience with the homeless situation but here our some of the things I do know.

If you are completely broke and homeless, I believe you can go on welfare for up to 5 years and longer if you have a child. If you have access to the internet do a search on free legal aid for your county. There are many free or low cost services listed on the website or you can go to Family Court Building in your County and they have more information and free access to their law library if you need something specific on custody.

Do you have an illness of some sort? If you do, there may be even more resources available to you.

While telling her you love her is a must and good, you must also show her. Walk your talk. That doesn't mean buying her things...but listening to her, sharing in her experiences, showing up at something important to her...helping her join Girl Scouts or such and being "active" ... making a way for her to keep in touch. Make sure she knows it isn't her fault for the breakup. Now, if the other is abusive, why don't you have custody? Moving out was a bad choice in that sense, though I fully understand the desperation. But if it was unsafe for you, it's unsafe for the child, right? Are there social services to support you?

Why aren't you working? I don't ask out of meanness, but by now you should have a bead on work, or be on unemployment etc. I don't know where you live (country even) so I can't advise at all... but surely the church has a list of resources for you?

I'd check into free counseling as well. It's support you need.

Share some more if you care to...

I was touched by your letter, but there is a salution for your problem. If you try hard and go for as many jobs as possible there is a hope that you will be able to make some money. Be very frugal and try to spend as much time as you can with your daughter as you can. Don't beat yourself up you will only make the situation harder than it already is. The little time with your daughter is still valuble and is better than none. I hope you are able you take my advise and try as hard as you can to not beat your self up. Dont dicuss this much with your daughter though, you will only scare her. Keep a smile on your face, and keep praying.