[AprilAyla]

I've decided its time to divorce my husband. We've been married for 9 years. When he met, he seemed so responsible, honest, reliable, mature, hardworking......He was also a salesman. Which I"ve found meant, he also sold himself to me. Well, he sold me a bill of goods! He isn't who he pretended to be. In the 9 years that we've been married, he has been unemployed for at least 4. When he has worked, he hasn't made the kind of money he made when we met. AT the time he had a good job, but he quit because since he worked such long hours, he was afraid if we didn't spend enough time together I would leave him! Shoot! I don't mind being alone, never did. Prefer it actually. On top of the financial issues, he is a pathological liar. He will tell lies about things that don't even matter. They just roll off of his tongue. Partly from being a pathological liar, partly from being a salesman and partly from being a drug addict. Yep, on top of all of our other problems (we also have had no sex life, pretty much since we married!) he likes pain pills.

Oh, the pills. the things he does to get these pills. He has stolen checks from me (I certainly dont have him on my checking account) and forged them to pay for drugs. He's cancelled a mortgage payment so that he could take that money for drugs. He has sold our generator (we live in FL, Hurricane Country! A generator is as important as having air to breathe), sold jewelry, sold some mini-bikes, just recently he sold his laptop (but tells me he LENT it. To his DRUG DEALER!). Since I never thought I would have to take inventory in my own house, I don't know what else he has stolen. Just recently found out that he steals from my parents, "borrows" money from my parents, steals money from my parents. And lies about it all. Funny thing, is all along, I've stupidly been giving him money for drugs because he is afraid of withdrawal. I know that would be horrible. So, if I'm providing money, why the need for more? Of course, since this all has come to a head these past two weeks, I havent given him a cent. But, he still has drugs! How?

The damage he has done to my family is the last straw. I will be seeing a lawyer next week. I've told hubby to go. I want him gone. BUT, we have a mortgage. Both of our names are on it. He says I can have the house, but the battle has not yet begun. He is unemployed, has no money, no friends, no family, his car barely works. Where can he go? How can he support himself? I'm not feeling sorry for him. Its just reality. Since the house is both of ours, I can't call the police and have them put him out. I can't forcibly make him leave. Of course there is no proof of his stealing and lies.

What can I do? I hate my life right now.

[M_Juniper]

The lawyer will be able to tell you what you can do. Not a happy time for sure. Just be sure to document everything you can. Maybe you will be able to geet a restaining order.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello Aprilayla,

I feel so sorry for you at the moment. Living with someone like this must break your heart. You should tell the police that he is a drug addict and that he's using now. If you let them know that and let them know you do not want him there, they will watch him to see where he goes and what he does. As soon as he gets a deal they will be at him like a rat up a drain pipe.

He will probably not get that much out of you because he hasn't put that much in to the marriage and the house, but he will still try for something, he has to, to support his habit. Please do not let him sell himself to you with pity, he will try that and it's the worst thing to be put through I can promise you and you will be the one to suffer.

I agree with M.Juniper that you need to get a lawyer and get one fast. You need to put a notice in the paper stating that you are not responsible for any debt incurred in your name by him. Because you don't know what he has done; if he has cancelled mortage payments then he could have done anything at all, and you will have to prove it is not you if he has acquired money in your name in some way.

I really wish you the very best. Please keep us up to date so that we can support you through this if you want us to,

Rhiannon

[NuckingFutz]

Hey! Been there, done that. Aside from getting a lawyer, you may want to get what is left of the valuables together in a safe place. Not sure if he gets violent when he withdrawls but you may want to consider calling a domestic violence shelter and talk to a counselor to stay safe. Keep the people in your support network around you. Keep posting on here too. Sounds like he takes advantage of everything you hold dear. I would be feeling really drained yet hypervigilant right about now. I use to try and hide how bad things really are so no one else would know. But as soon as I felt backed into a corner, I had to let people know and I received a lot of emotional support from everyone. please feel free to pm me if you would like. I got my "street education" from people like your husband. People like him can size people like us in five minutes but I have learned to size them up in less time than that. I may have lost a lot of stuff, but I have my sanity. Sending you safe hugs. You are not alone.

[sunrise]

April, your lawyer will be able to help with your question about how to get your H out of the house. (What did your H say when you told him you wanted him to leave?) Lawyer will also tell you all about divorce and how things are likely to go and help guide you so you don't make any "mistakes" as you go through the process.

He says I can have the house, but the battle has not yet begun.

If possible, try not to let it become a battle. It will be easier for you if there is no war, even though your H does not sound terribly "worthy" of your good will. But truly, divorce is hell, and it goes so much better if you can avoid turning it into a battle.

You didn't mention if you had children or not, so I'm thinking you may not? That will make the divorce easier too.

What do you want to do about the house? Do you want to keep it and buy him out of the accumulated equity? Do you want to sell it to be done with the debt and split the proceeds? Having in mind what you really want to happen will help you as you move through divorce.

Good luck, AprilA.

[lostjhawk]

Definitely check with a lawyer, then change locks if allowed by law, get a restraining order...help is there if you ask for it

[Perna]

I would move. I would rent my own apartment and move to it. Just leaving does not negate property rights; both of you would still own the house, no problem. I would take anything of your own that you value and move it out. I would tell the police of your husband's drug activities and ask them to "watch" the house. Eventually the house will be awarded to one or another and/or be sold and the proceeds split. I have known guys who have "trashed" the house because their wife left but that would hurt him. I would tell your parents not to give him money and to be on the lookout for negative behavior from him, etc.

http://robinroshkind.wordpress.com/t...-of-the-house/

If he behaves negatively in any way; a restraining order would not be hard to get? You aren't a slave to his life/person/lifestyle/timeframe. Start your own the way you want.

[ma2671]

Originally Posted by AprilAyla

I've decided its time to divorce my husband. We've been married for 9 years. When he met, he seemed so responsible, honest, reliable, mature, hardworking......He was also a salesman. Which I"ve found meant, he also sold himself to me. Well, he sold me a bill of goods! He isn't who he pretended to be. In the 9 years that we've been married, he has been unemployed for at least 4. When he has worked, he hasn't made the kind of money he made when we met. AT the time he had a good job, but he quit because since he worked such long hours, he was afraid if we didn't spend enough time together I would leave him! Shoot! I don't mind being alone, never did. Prefer it actually. On top of the financial issues, he is a pathological liar. He will tell lies about things that don't even matter. They just roll off of his tongue. Partly from being a pathological liar, partly from being a salesman and partly from being a drug addict. Yep, on top of all of our other problems (we also have had no sex life, pretty much since we married!) he likes pain pills.

Oh, the pills. the things he does to get these pills. He has stolen checks from me (I certainly dont have him on my checking account) and forged them to pay for drugs. He's cancelled a mortgage payment so that he could take that money for drugs. He has sold our generator (we live in FL, Hurricane Country! A generator is as important as having air to breathe), sold jewelry, sold some mini-bikes, just recently he sold his laptop (but tells me he LENT it. To his DRUG DEALER!). Since I never thought I would have to take inventory in my own house, I don't know what else he has stolen. Just recently found out that he steals from my parents, "borrows" money from my parents, steals money from my parents. And lies about it all. Funny thing, is all along, I've stupidly been giving him money for drugs because he is afraid of withdrawal. I know that would be horrible. So, if I'm providing money, why the need for more? Of course, since this all has come to a head these past two weeks, I havent given him a cent. But, he still has drugs! How?

The damage he has done to my family is the last straw. I will be seeing a lawyer next week. I've told hubby to go. I want him gone. BUT, we have a mortgage. Both of our names are on it. He says I can have the house, but the battle has not yet begun. He is unemployed, has no money, no friends, no family, his car barely works. Where can he go? How can he support himself? I'm not feeling sorry for him. Its just reality. Since the house is both of ours, I can't call the police and have them put him out. I can't forcibly make him leave. Of course there is no proof of his stealing and lies.

What can I do? I hate my life right now.

After 10 years I did this with my X. Divided his things and mine and put his by the door. Than when he didn't do what I wanted two days later I put them outside in the way at the bottom of the stairs . Was persistant that this is the end and he's got to get out . I didn't want him and this life any more. Kept telling him to leave take his stuff. He did but when I was gone the next day he chained sawed my furniture in half and threw it out in the front yard and all the neighbors got to see. (Good Times) But I got him out. It is not your problem to woory about where he is going to go and survive. It's his responsibility to have to take care of those things. Wanting him out and it over with you should not begin to burden or carry weight of what he's gonna have to do. He's an adult. And a man-not your problem. Am I being to harsh?

[trixielou]

go get a domestic violence protective order (dvp atleast in wv) & the police will come while hes getting his necessities & make him leave. have a legal aid person help u fill it out at ur courthouse cuz they know what details to put like any kind of harrassing contact & dont forget to ask to put how long u want it 4 like 90 or 180 days get copies in case u need to go get assistance for food or medicaid my first one was for 90 days i think & they set up a court date atleast in wv thats how it is

[trixielou]

oh & dont forget to put down about stayin away from school if u have kids cuz when i had mine the principal looked & said a lot of times people just assume the dvp covers that but he said unless its specified then they can come to the school i dont know what ur situation entails i just know rite now im separated with no dvp cuz it seems like in our case that thing caused more aggravation than anything with trying to get town cops to cooperate with it when he needed to get stuff & hes leavin it up to me to contact him if i want but hes actin a little looney rite now & small town so word must have got out i made him leave after letting him back here mistake anyways the cops know how the tension is & they keep very close watch on the house they were just lazy when i came to the dvp

[winyourdivorce]

I don't know the feelings of being to someone who is a drug dependent, but I can imagine how life like a hell. You work hard just to earn money and yet all he did was buying drugs. You might seek for help to someone who has a huge knowledge regarding with laws. You can consult a lawyer, so you would also know and get ready for the harassment the moment you tell him about divorce, he might be violent when he got mad. That's what the drugs can do.

[ChrisLove]

I say get a separation. If he's as bad as you say work on a divorce and stay in different parts of the house if possible. Keep busy if you are able to so you don't sit around thinking and worrying so much.

[R_Summers]

As a almost lawyer, although in a different country, I would advice you to request a legal separation of yours goods. I don't know if you have it there, but ask your lawyer to do it. It you ask to separate yourself and your propriety from your H it can be a safe way of keeping his hands off your stuff while your divorce is not finalized.

Good luck**

[MFerrante]

Here in massachusetts we have whats called a section 35. A family member can petition the court saying your husband is a danger to you, your family, and himself because of his drug use. They send out police, pick him up, take him to court, give him a "fair trial" (its not really fair hes going), and then make him do a 30 day rehabilitaion program in state prison. I'm pretty sure florida has something similar. The funny thing about it is you can just keep sectioning the person every time you suspect theyre using as long as your family.