needing advice

i have just found out my husband is cheating on me for the second time that i know about i am seriously considering a seperation and divorce the problem is my kids im upset about having to tear their lives apart and the impact that it will have on them. if anyone can give me some advice i would appreciate it so hurt ,angry and confused right now

I can understand forgiving a husband for cheating ONCE, but twice??? NO. He obviously does not respect his vows OR you, so I don't see that you have any choice. As for the children ~ would you rather they live in an unhappy household, or have them live happily with you? If the two of you stay together, there will be fight after fight -- children should NOT be subjected to that. If you leave, there will be peace in the home. They can still see their father if you arrange a decent visitation schedule, assuming you trust that he will bring them home.

You should have a LEGAL visitation schedule set up, so that he knows what is expected of him. I wouldn't bother with a legal separation because I would imagine you're just going to end up divorcing anyway. Do you really think he's not going to date while you're separated?? He won't work on the marriage then, anymore than he's working on it now. He's a skunk.

Kick him to the curb, and wait for someone to come along that DESERVES you. Your kids deserve a decent father figure too! God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

Thank you so much it is so hard to even think clearly right now but you are right my kids are better off in a happy home. thanks

Christina

so sorry to hear that this idiot man has done this to you i agree with the other poster - once is bad but twice ? i dont think so - mive on , you desereve better for urself and kids best of luck x

In my experience your children will be the ones that get emotionally hurt if you stay in a marriage that is over. In the long run if you feel that it is over and you move on your kids will adjust and be happier seeing their parents happy.

Your kids don't have to have their lives torn apart by a divorce. You and your husband have it in your power to divorce amicably and respectfully, making sure your kids come out OK on the other end of this. Your husband may indeed be a cad for his repeated cheating, but try to look beyond that and your personal feelings of being betrayed. You are getting out of the marriage so that is enough to give him the message you won't be treated like that. Then leave it behind and be professional and respectful as you move through the divorce. In the best of all possible worlds, you and your husband can have shared custody. That way you don't have to set up a "visitation schedule." Neither parent will be a "visitor"; you will each be a parent and each spend time with your children. Unless one of the parents is abusive, or unless the parents cannot be civil and respectful, this is a good model for making sure your kids don't have their lives torn apart. They can spend some time each week with you and some with him. Kids can do very well with 2 parents even though the parents don't live together anymore.

I got divorced and did shared custody with my XH. The children live with me 64% of the time and with him 36%. This works out to 5 days in every 2 weeks for him. It works great. I like having those few days away from the kids for just me. And this way they keep their father in their lives. Kids need their father!

If you want any more info on how to divorce while keeping the kids' needs paramount, feel free to PM me.

Here is some information on a divorce process that emphasizes respect and puts kids first:
http://www.collaborativepractice.com

Have you considered going to a counselor (just you) for support and help with these questions? I would recommend a family therapist since you have concerns about the impact divorce will have on your children.

Good luck to you.

I am so sorry to hear of your situation,I am sending you love and hugs and strength to do what you need to, to get through this.
I am going through a seperation right now and it is very apinful for me and hard for my kids to see me so upset. I have no experiance with unfaithfulness so I don't really know what to tell you but to do what you feel is in the best intrest of you and your kids. I am so sorry for the pain you are in.

I'm so sorry to hear about this, that's awful! I'm gonna have to agree with Leed though... once is forgivable, but twice... no. I don't know how old your kids are, but my parents got divorced when I was a teenager and it was the best thing they could've done! My mom is so much happier now and my dad... well, he's whatever. Do what you feel is best for you and your kids. Good luck!

Trust me its not worth the worrying and waiting and wondering. Im going trough the same thing my husband 0f 13 yrs cheat for 9 yrs and with my best friend that hurts but it does get better it just takes time.

Someday soon, when the children are safely out of hearing range, why don't you discuss with your husband what your husband's infidelity is doing to the family and how he plans to resolve the problem?

i think you may forgive him and that 's better than all of that