[GeorgiaByrd912]

Ok so I am going to keep this short and brief. I have been married for 1 year and my husband knew trhat I had a mental illness but he never knew how bad it really could get. I had a major episode in March. I tried to commit suicide but obviously it didn't work. I checked myself in a Mental Behavioral Center for a week. I just moved back home to Georgia without my husband to get my life back in order. And he called me one day and said I dont want to be married anymore. I asked why and he said " What if we move like we say we are and the world becomes to much for you again? What are you going to do? I didn't know it was this bad." I told him I am not getting a divorce and that I was about to start therapy again. He says now that we can do marriage counseling but that doesn't mean we are still going to be together. He tells me all the time taht he really wants to be with me, he loves me and he is having the hardest time with his decision but he thinks it is best for me.

I explained it wasn't all him that it was so much going on I just couldn't cope, but the truth is I was raped in February and didn't tell him what really happened. He thinks that my friend at the time boyfriend asked me to have sex he doesn't know he raped me. Now I am afraid that if I tell him now he is just going to thinkI am just saying it because I don't want a divorce.

I don't know what to do. Should I go to my therapy first and deak with the rape and molestation issues? Then when I am ready do the marriage counseling with him and when the time comes tell him? I just don't know. I feel horrible for not telling him. I thought he would try to hurt the guy and wind up in jail or blame me and be mad with me. I just want my family back. We have a son and I want us to all be happy. Please if you have any advice leave me a message.

By the way I am a consumer or Dsythimic, PTSD, and Anxiety. My last pysch said he thinks I am Bi Polar but that would be for my pyschologist to determine.

[cutebagaddict08]

First, I am very sorry you are going through this at this time. I think the most important thing is you need to feel comfortable with yourself and what information you feel comfortable sharing either with your therapist or with your husband.
Before you share the information with your husband verbally, maybe writing a letter to him about your feelings or anything you want to tell him. You don't have to give him the letter, it can more be a 'practice' for you on telling your husband. You can destroy the letter after you write it, if you don't want to give it to him. or You can read it to your therapist in a session.
But I defiently think you need to be comfortable in how you approach your husband and what information you feel comfortable sharing.

As for your husband, sometimes people are going to ignore or run away from things they don't understand or know how to handle. This sounds like what your husband is doing. He knows and wants to support you, but is scared because he doesn't know how or what to do.

[Leed]

Bless your heart ~ this must be awfully difficult for you. I'm sorry you're going thru so much.

I would definitely talk with my therapist about the rape -- obviously that has a lot to do with your "melt down" -- and it's something that you should NOT try to handle on your own. Plus, the therapist can advise you on how and when to tell your husband, so that he'll believe you and he won't think you're just trying to make him stay.

I also think your husband is 'running away' from things. He said he didn't know "it was that bad." Well, that right there says that he is reluctant to take this kind of thing on, because he just doesn't understand it. Perhaps if he had known about the rape, he would have handled it differently, BUT as you said he might have taken the law into his own hands -- and then you'd really have a problem!

Talk to your therapist -- he/she can best advise you. Plus you have other issues that would benefit from the counseling.

God bless & please take care. Things will get better. Hugs, Lee

[bebop]

I really think you should tell your husband about it. Secrets like that will tear up a marriage. talk with your therapist as well but really you need to let your husband know the why's.