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#1
Jun 29, 2012, 05:36 PM
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Does anyone on here know the best way to deal with rage? I am so angry at my soon-to-be-ex-husband that I can hardly see straight at times. It's not so much that I want him back, or that I'm mad at what he's doing to me, but it's the KIDS -- the innocent bystanders in all of this -- on whose behalf I get really upset.
My husband just walked out last fall (most of you know this already) and has consistently refused to consider any attempt at reconciliation. So, thanks to his selfishness, my kids have to leave their house and move into an apartment that is less than half the size. He also is living in an apartment. As of Monday, my children will no longer be able to just run out into the yard for summer water play, or to ride their bikes around the block, or set up our traditional Halloween graveyard in the yard when October comes around, and I get so upset at my husband. We're both being quite civil -- friendly, even -- because we want the children to be as happy as possible. And yet I have this almost constant urge to hiss at him, "Are you happy with what you're doing to the kids? Are you happy that because of YOUR stupid selfishness they have to pay the price???"  If he had agreed to even ONE attempt at trying to work things out, I don't think I'd be quite so full of rage. Whew. Thank you for letting me vent. I personally am looking forward to getting over this and moving on, but I am terribly, terribly upset about the sacrifices the children have to make for something that is in no way their fault. 
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No one respects the flame quite like the fool who's badly burned—Pete Townshend A beach is a place where a man can feel / he's the only soul in the world that's real—The Who, Bell Boy |
 Cotton ball, lynn P., Mike_J
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#2
Jun 29, 2012, 05:39 PM
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Postscript: Now I feel guilty for complaining about the kids' sacrifices when there are children who have no home, or not enough food, etc. I'm sorry if I came across as selfish. I'm just so mixed up and upset. I am grateful that at least they'll have a roof over their head and enough to eat, and -- I hope -- a happy home with me (I have primary custody).
__________________
No one respects the flame quite like the fool who's badly burned—Pete Townshend A beach is a place where a man can feel / he's the only soul in the world that's real—The Who, Bell Boy |
| Cotton ball, lynn P.
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#3
Jun 29, 2012, 05:44 PM
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(((AvidReader))) - my goodness you didn't come across as selfish. All these emotions are normal and a process you need to work through. It wasn't possible to stay in your house with his contribution or buy a smaller house?? My youngest teacher said - "its not the size of a house that makes a home", but I do understand how how it must be to have kids in an apartment - quite the adjustment. Hugs to you and your children.
__________________
 This is our little cutie Bella  *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
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#4
Jun 29, 2012, 08:21 PM
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Thanks so much for the kind words (and hugs), lynn! No, it was not financially possible to stay in the house, or for me to get a smaller house. I am in an area where I cannot get a job in my field. I do work at home, but I really need to find a full-time job with benefits. I will need to either re-train (I'm not sure how I'd afford that) or just take an hourly wage job.
If the kids and I had to move to the apartment because my husband lost his job, or fell ill, or some reason like that, I wouldn't be so angry. But he just walked away. Ah, well, I'd better not get going on that rant again.  I'm trying to make the move seem like an adventure. We'll see!
__________________
No one respects the flame quite like the fool who's badly burned—Pete Townshend A beach is a place where a man can feel / he's the only soul in the world that's real—The Who, Bell Boy |
| lynn P.
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 lynn P.
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#5
Jul 01, 2012, 07:18 PM
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The fact that your huband wasn't thinking about the kids AT ALL is what make me mad. He was the ULTIMATE in selfishness!! To have just walked away with NO THOUGHT of anyone else but himself is really rotten.
 I hope he gets what he deserves ----- nothing! |
| AvidReader
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#6
Jul 02, 2012, 02:40 PM
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Thanks, Leed! You hit the nail on the head; that is exactly what is making me so mad.
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No one respects the flame quite like the fool who's badly burned—Pete Townshend A beach is a place where a man can feel / he's the only soul in the world that's real—The Who, Bell Boy |
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#7
Jul 06, 2012, 03:16 PM
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I feel the same way, my daughter is going to be the one who pays the highest price in my upcoming divorce. This isn't a divorce I wanted, I begged my soon to be ex-wife to try couples counselling for the last 5 years at least.
I just want to yell in her face "I hope you are happy" But that won't do any good.. and she has done such a wonderful job of just torching any hope of reconciliation at this point it's not something I would even consider. We will be better off in the long run.. or so everyone keeps telling me.. let's hope for both our sakes that they are right...
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“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.” Gandhi |
| AvidReader
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#8
Jul 06, 2012, 06:33 PM
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I'm in the same boat with my STBXH. Idiot! The damage to the kids is the worst part but he doesn't see it or doesn't care.
He is not happy so in quest for happiness he is dragging me and the boys through trauma and misery. You cannot cure him or change him!! I'm very sorry that you are going through this. Be strong as you rebuild your life. |
| AvidReader
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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